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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursery made DS take his glasses off

244 replies

GlassesWearer · 23/09/2022 17:57

NC’d because I know other nursery mum’s are on here.

DS is 3 and has had glasses for two years. He has a very strong prescription and gets very upset when his glasses are taken away (because he’s essentially blind). We did tell nursery this. He even has goggles for swimming and sports goggles too, we always make sure he has a spare pair on him in case something happens to them.

We’ve been given the order form for his school photos (individual and class photo) and he’s not wearing his glasses. Nursery mentioned to DH at pick up on the day they were taken that they took them off because it looks nicer - DH didn’t mention this to me until after I saw the proofs today. They also mentioned to DH that he was a bit upset during the photos and that they struggled to get one (which will be because he didn’t have his glasses on)!

I’m really upset that they took his glasses off him. I think he looks adorable in them but, regardless, that’s not their purpose. They’re a medical device and he needs them. On the other hand, what’s done is done, there’s no long term harm and he does look precious in the photos.

AIBU to raise this with his teacher and ask them not to remove them for future photos? There have been no other issues, we’re very happy and DS loves going there.

OP posts:
Imabitbusyatthemoment · 23/09/2022 18:55

i would be absolutely furious. I actually found reading this quite upsetting. Maybe being overly sensitive as my DS 8 just got glasses over the weekend. He has taken to them so well and is really happy to wear them. I’d be so upset if anyone did or said anything to make him feel self conscious in them. I think they look gorgeous too.

Dexionmagic · 23/09/2022 18:56

Same thing happened to my son when he was in reception - no glasses at break time. ‘They might get broken’

Separately they wouldn’t let him join in with skipping. ‘Skipping is for girls’

Mrs Magic went in. He didn’t have glasses taken away for break, he skipped if he wanted to.

WestEnders · 23/09/2022 18:57

That's awful, poor little boy. I think glasses are sweet!

MargaretThursday · 23/09/2022 19:01

The only thing I would wonder was if the flash was whiting out his eyes. I remember the school pictures from one of my friends looked like they'd painted the glasses with thick paint before they took them.

However if they just felt he looked nicer then that's not on. That's a decision for you to make not them. I think little ones with glasses are very cute :)

My dd had some pictures done (not at nursery) and I made a complaint. She was born without her arm and the photographer obviously decided to try and avoid having her arm in the picture so took the pictures so she was right one side (so her arm was cut off). That also meant part of her head was cut off too.
I was very unimpressed. Surely anyone with any common sense would have realised that everyone would prefer to have the whole head in the picture. I got an apology, and a free resit with free pictures from them.
I was there so the photographer could have even asked me if I wanted her to try and hide her arm.

viques · 23/09/2022 19:01

Wow, that is awful, what would they do with a child in a wheelchair I wonder. It is a dreadful thing to do, one thing to wipe a bit of ketchup or chocolate pudding from a mouth, or straighten a cardigan , though I am aware that for some people that is also unacceptable 🙂but taking off his glasses is something that they really need to be pulled up on.

willingtolearn · 23/09/2022 19:02

I would need to talk to them about this and stress the seriousness of what they have done.

They have removed your child's necessary medical aid so that 'they look better'.

So what would they do with a child with facial scarring/ differences - put a bag over their head or suggest filters?

Who are they to decide that your child's appearance is unsatisfactory - to whom?

Some people do not understand how difficult it is for people who wear a strong prescription to function without them. It is quite scary to not be able to recognise people/ see safety signs such as fire exits / spot hazards on the floor when everything is a blur of colour.

WildfellAnne · 23/09/2022 19:02

That is appalling. I would complain. It’s discriminatory behaviour, as well as giving a dreadful looks-based message. Would they remove a child’s prosthetic leg?

Cactuslove · 23/09/2022 19:02

Dexionmagic · 23/09/2022 18:56

Same thing happened to my son when he was in reception - no glasses at break time. ‘They might get broken’

Separately they wouldn’t let him join in with skipping. ‘Skipping is for girls’

Mrs Magic went in. He didn’t have glasses taken away for break, he skipped if he wanted to.

👏 yes Mrs Magic!

LondonJax · 23/09/2022 19:03

I have never heard of a photographer asking for glasses to be removed.

And that's from a glasses wearer with a child who started wearing glasses at 3 years old. DS has always had his glasses on in photographs and only this year's school photo won't be bought by us as the photographer was shite (confirmed by a mountain of similar posts on the school's facebook page).

If it was down to the photographer I'd be questioning why they were used. If it's down to the staff then they need to think of the messages they're sending. A chat with the manager is needed I think...

AuldReekie1905 · 23/09/2022 19:03

What a shame for your wee boy. Definitely raise it, that's not ok at all.

Noteverybodylives · 23/09/2022 19:04

YANBU to ask them not to take them off in future but my DD often takes hers off for photos as I find the photo comes out better without them.
I assume it’s because of the glare off the glasses.

It’s also nice to see their face and eyes clearly and many kids have large, thick glasses as that’s the style now.

galacticpixels · 23/09/2022 19:05

Aw no, I feel so bad for him. Definitely raise it. I get so stressed and just generally confused feeling when I'm not wearing my glasses, even if I'm sitting still.

thirstyformore · 23/09/2022 19:05

Wtf!!! I have a strong prescription and if I am wearing glasses (rather than contacts) and have to take them off I feel completely lost and disorientated. It's a really uncomfortable feeling. And I say that as a 42 year old. God knows how awful it would be at 3!!

Poor thing.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 23/09/2022 19:09

I would've thought schools and nurseries were over this type of crap by now.

When I was at primary school, from infants onwards, I had specs. And every year without fail would get told "take them off sweetheart your photo is nicer without them". Gave me a huge complex about them. From age 9 for two years I stopped wearing them in school, and would take them off as much as possible at home and on weekends too. It actually negatively impacted my eye sight due to eye strain.
To me though the glasses were seen as ugly and wrong!

I would have to raise it with the lead at nursery. It's not about an aesthetically pleasing photo, it's what your child looks like at the time. And his glasses are there for a reason, not a fashion statement.

properdoughnut · 23/09/2022 19:09

I would consider pulling them from the nur

properdoughnut · 23/09/2022 19:09

Nursery

Choconut · 23/09/2022 19:10

I hate glasses and my son looks much better without them IMO because they hide half his face, I'd have preferred school photos with them off - but that is not a thing for them to decide on his/your behalf.

Sprogonthetyne · 23/09/2022 19:10

I'd be annoyed, it won't have harmed him to take them off, but I hate the message their giving that they think he looks "better" without them.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 23/09/2022 19:10

I would complain to the nursery and suggest that they apologise to your ds. I would also complain to the photography company and leave a review stating what was done to your ds.

SurpriseSurprise · 23/09/2022 19:12

I would go mental! I definitely wouldn’t be buying the photos and I’d be putting in a very firm complaint.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 23/09/2022 19:12

Show them this thread.
My son wears glasses and never got treated like this at nursery, I would have been furious.
This is completely unacceptable.

Ponderingwindow · 23/09/2022 19:13

I can understand how the teacher came to make that mistake. Strong prescriptions can make it hard to see through the lenses from the other side. It was horribly misguided though.

I would talk to the school. I would approach it from the perspective of wanting to educate on how to do better in the future as opposed to just being angry. As long as the head and the teacher respond positively and you are otherwise happy with the school, then I would consider the matter resolved.

LadyEloise1 · 23/09/2022 19:15

They are sending a message to him that he doesn't look good enough with them on.
The poor wee love. 😢
I would go to the top with this. It's not good enough.

MiniCooperLover · 23/09/2022 19:15

3 year olds don't wear glasses for fun, that's bloody awful of them 🙈

MotherOfPuffling · 23/09/2022 19:16

ReformedWaywardTeen · 23/09/2022 19:09

I would've thought schools and nurseries were over this type of crap by now.

When I was at primary school, from infants onwards, I had specs. And every year without fail would get told "take them off sweetheart your photo is nicer without them". Gave me a huge complex about them. From age 9 for two years I stopped wearing them in school, and would take them off as much as possible at home and on weekends too. It actually negatively impacted my eye sight due to eye strain.
To me though the glasses were seen as ugly and wrong!

I would have to raise it with the lead at nursery. It's not about an aesthetically pleasing photo, it's what your child looks like at the time. And his glasses are there for a reason, not a fashion statement.

I had this too and it meant I just felt ugly all the time as a teen as had to wear glasses as so blind. Switched to contacts as soon as I was officially an adult, but had to stop wearing them when hit menopause. Despite being a broadly confident person who gives no fucks, wearing glasses still makes me remember all those times people said I looked better without them, and makes me struggle a lot with confidence about how I look.

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