Nursery made DS take his glasses off

[GlassesWearer]

NC’d because I know other nursery mum’s are on here.

DS is 3 and has had glasses for two years. He has a very strong prescription and gets very upset when his glasses are taken away (because he’s essentially blind). We did tell nursery this. He even has goggles for swimming and sports goggles too, we always make sure he has a spare pair on him in case something happens to them.

We’ve been given the order form for his school photos (individual and class photo) and he’s not wearing his glasses. Nursery mentioned to DH at pick up on the day they were taken that they took them off because it looks nicer - DH didn’t mention this to me until after I saw the proofs today. They also mentioned to DH that he was a bit upset during the photos and that they struggled to get one (which will be because he didn’t have his glasses on)!

I’m really upset that they took his glasses off him. I think he looks adorable in them but, regardless, that’s not their purpose. They’re a medical device and he needs them. On the other hand, what’s done is done, there’s no long term harm and he does look precious in the photos.

AIBU to raise this with his teacher and ask them not to remove them for future photos? There have been no other issues, we’re very happy and DS loves going there.

Actually we've had school photographers ask us to do the same. Not just the children either - last year I've asked a teacher if they'd rather not wear there glasses 'to remove the glare.' She refused,

It's because it's a production line just snapping one after another in a pre set up room. The camera is attached to a computer and it's all set up in there. There appears to be very little camera and photographer knowledge amongst many if the photographers we can sent. I'm sure there must be some decent school photographers out there but we don't seem to see any evidence of it. We often get much nicer pictures of the children ourselves!

We refuse to ask the children to remove their glasses. It's not right and shouldn't happen.

I've just remember too - it isn't just glasses wearers.
Last summer we had class photographers. One child was in a wheelchair, albeit only for a few weeks following an operation but the photographer didn't know that.

Photographer asked if we could remove said child from the wheel chair as it looked 'too obvious' on the group shot and meant that his whole set up wasn't properly balanced, etc. again, we obviously said no.

Glad you're going to say something

OH MY GOD! That is horrendous. I hope you never used them again.

This is awful and if I were you, I would definitely raise this with the nursery as it us totally unacceptable.

I have a cousin who wears braces and on photo day, she did the biggest smile and the photographer told her to do a closed mouth smile so her braces couldn't be seen. It knocked her confidence big time, her mum went in and complained, the school had the company come back and retake the photo. Its really unacceptable to knock people's confidence.

This is absolutely disgraceful. My son also has glasses and I’d be furious if nursery did this. Incredibly bad judgement on their part. I’m so sorry for you, I know how this kind of thing makes you feel as a parent.

Properdoughnut - we have a different company coming this week, so hopefully not the same photographer.

I’m glad you noticed your child needed glasses early on. It took my parents eight years to notice. I came in at -10 and have got worse since. Sad about basically being blind throughout my childhood, and people thinking I was a bit dim.
And yes - glasses are not there for aesthetic reasons. They need to be on!

That is horrendous what they’ve done!

1. how dare they take how he looks with or without his glasses
2. he needs them, they aren’t a fashion accessor
3. they made him upset by the actions

who do they think they are?!

I work in a nursery, have done for 20 odd years and I frequently bite my tongue on here about the complaints people want to make to nurseries, their sheet ignorance about nurseries, their belief there are free nursery hours and that that are only a smidge above a victorian workhouse and staff are overpaid etc etc etc

Anyway, I digress

I'd first of all complain to the Nursery. I'd want to know why they thought removing his glasses was ok or acceptable. Ask for their complaints procedure. They are not meeting his needs and are making him distressed. How often are they removing his glasses?

For me, I would be withdraw over this and find a new nursery. To me it's not acceptable that they would do this, what else are they comfortable to do if they are prepared to distress a child and essentially remove their vision?

As an aside, we had a parent with a 2 year old who had an aide for something and she would remove the aid, purely for photo purposes and would ask us to remove the aid for nursery photos and anytime the childs picture was taken. We refused because they were essential for the child and needed and these were logged as concerns and had to be shared with the appropriate people when reviews came up as the child moved through the setting

YANBU and its a potentially dangerous act as well as a shocking bit of disablism, but use this as practice for the future.

One of my DC is similar - glasses/goggles/lenses are medical device due to the severity of the sight impairment. All through school we had to deal with staff who did not take it seriously. They were not the majority (and were not always teaching staff by any means) but it was a recurring issue.

We ended up setting up an appointment to see each new teacher in primary, DC at secondary with the SEN department even though no actual SEN help was needed (I'd say the SEN lead was really helpful on this). For each school trip we wrote and advised the supervisors that spare glasses/goggles to be kept with the medical equipment (inhalers etc) as they were essential disability aids, not minor supports.

Most people do look better in photos with their glasses off

I’ve been a gleggsy type since I was a kid and I always take mine off for a picture, either contacts in or just go blind for a minute. Still do now

But it should be up to the individual I suppose 🤷🏻‍♂️

On the other hand can a 3 year old understand which looks better 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

Most people do look better in photos with their glasses off

Says who? Why should somebody else tell you you need to change what you look like, in order to look 'better' in a photo? Much less just go ahead and do it anyway for a small child? Fine if you choose it for yourself - even though you won't actually look like you normally do in the photo (i.e. the 'worse' version of you), so people might not even recognise you.

What about people with prominent facial birthmarks? Should they grab a trowelful of makeup every time somebody gets a camera out? People who are bald through chemotherapy should be expected to put a wig on, because it 'looks better'? Black people should make 'accommodations' by applying substances to their faces or just hide behind a white person in a group photo, so they don't 'mess with the lighting' and it 'looks better'?

No they don't. I look nothing like myself when I take them off. They are part of me. No one would take a hearing aid off to have a photo done.

Have you asked most people? I disagree.

You may prefer glasses off, you are free to take them off but the paid carers of a three year old with a serious sight impairment should bloody well do follow the guidance of the child's parents. They should not be removing a visual impairment aid and they should not be promoting the idea that glasses "look bad".

I wouldn't assume that someone would pass comment without actually reading the fucking first post as that would be a really peculiar thing to do.

Should be a banning offence.

Good the teacher refused and you refused to make the children remove their glasses.

This thread is horrendous with the examples of forcing children out of wheelchairs, hiding arms, taking off hearing aids, removing glasses, air brushing birth marks/moles/freckles/blemishes and hiding braces on teeth.

The entire point of photos is to have a visual record of how a child actually is at a particular time in their lives. Removing features that are part of them means that record is completely false and not one of the actual child.

They shouldn't have done that and you absolutely must raise it so that it doesn't happen again.

But some of the responses on here are nuts. This isn't someone malicious setting out to be cruel. This is someone who thought they were doing the right thing and made a big error of judgment. Certainly, parents do regularly ask me to remind children to remove glasses for school photos so it is possible that nursery have been asked to do that in the past. A quiet word so that they understand it was wrong is all that's needed. When I fuck up at work I know I appreciate a kind word rather than a bollocking.

The poster said that they had told his nursery that he got very upset when his glasses were taken away, he has swimming goggles and sports goggles so obviously needs a lot of visual aids and he is 3 years old!!! What is there to not understand ? As I said in my previous post I think it is an appalling lack of judgement from the staff and actually terribly unkind.

I wore glasses for over 60 years, and was -14 at my last check-up. I had cataract surgery in June and now only need reading glasses (bonus-not the reason for surgery). I can't get used to myself without glasses!

@sueelleker That is amazing and gives me hope! May I politely ask if you had private cataract surgery? Thank you

i Take it you work at the nursery

I haven't RTFT or even most of it, but like others, my first thought was ableist/discriminatory. I think you need to get to the bottom of whose attitude, exactly, allowed this to happen, e.g. was it the photographer (mostly), the opinion of a particular member of nursery staff (and not the photographer at all), bit of both, etc.? Which member of staff exactly and are they involved in your child's day to day care, or the management of the nursery? Because what action you take depends on who is responsible in full and in considerable part.

Most people do look better in photos with their glasses off

Disagree.

Coming back to the main point, with the same PP's view that of course, it's up to the individual. In this case, it's up to the parent(s), but the default for this child, in the absence of further information, is to keep their glasses on, as they are not really optional for him (well only in so much as using any equipment is optional because free will) and he wears them literally all the time I imagine, except when sleeping.

Would anyone take a child's hearing aids or prosthetic arm off for a photo unless the parent had very explicitly asked them to? I suspect not, and one certainly should not. It's the same.

I had to take my glasses off recently when having a new professional photo

Not a very good professional photographer then since we've all had photographs done with our anti-glare-coated glasses on with no problem! You have to change how you are lighting it and where that light is coming from if you are getting a problem.

Plus no-one has to take their glasses off if they don't consent to. You are allowed glasses on passport photos if you normally wear them, too. Anyone who is old enough to understand what's going on can and should make this decision for themselves. Obviously the little one in the OP couldn't. Everyone else needs to stop being so passive.