To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

Do you think normalizing incest is harmful?

I note that two consenting adults can engage in incest role-play whilst playing no part in normalizing incest, by the simple fact of not sharing their kinks.

Saying you would never condone sexual abuse is somewhat meaningless if you don't define it and your words suggest that many people wouldn't be happy with your definition if you did.

@Lockheart what fiction are they writing fan fiction for? What are the originals? I’ve had lots of very open conversations with friends over the years and not even jokingly has one said she likes to think she’s being fucked by ‘daddy’. That word is too emotive to simply brush away as ‘powerplay’. I get the whole master slave sub/dom thing, but Daddy is another word completely.

Gah, now I’m having a day where I’ve reached my limit of reading lying fantasists writing nonsense on the internet.

The pretend “psychotherapists” on here regurgitating AO3-style teenage fanfiction nonsense about “healing” and “creating a space” can all just bog off. It’s clearly not true; and if you are actually out there setting yourself up as a “sex therapist” and promoting this dangerous, unlicensed, unethical and probably criminal pile of shit, I hope you get sued to kingdom come. As you should be.

Literally anything with a fan base. Harry Potter, Marvel, Twilight (50 Shades started life as Twilight fanfiction, if I'm remembering correctly), Doctor Who, GoT, any moderately popular film, book, or TV show will have a thriving fanfiction community, a significant proportion of which gets very explicit. And BDSM (including the whole daddy stuff) is often featured heavily.

Young women are primary contributors. Possibly to meet a demand that isn't being met by mainstream videographic porn producers?

Run and don’t look back, this is not normal.

Just like the recent AIBU regarding anal sex it's interesting that while those who find the situation unacceptable have used any number of pejorative words with its regard - including direct insults, those attempting to explain it isn't what the majority are concluding are being pragmatic and conciliatory.

I know what fan fiction is @Lockheart. I was asking which books specifically are women writing featuring this particular issue.

my daughter writes fan fiction, and reads it. Nothing like this though (and she would say, she is ASD and has no filter for anything, including sex).

I read one fandom which has been going for a few years now, an whole there’s always been the occasional niche BDSM, the creeping in of “Daddy” and choking stuff etc. is very very recent and written almost exclusively by very young women.

Until then it was a fandom with lots of explicit erotica, pretty much all written by women, but which was markedly female-focused and based around women’s sexual pleasure. The porn kink stuff is very new and very recent, clearly coming from very young women who have learned it from online porn.

Not sure this supports your idea that it’s filling a gap in the market? More like it’s something young women are learning they “should” be into from mainstream porn and reproducing it.

Have to say there’s nothing that’s quite akin to that unpleasant sensation of enjoying a sexy fanfic featuring a strongly feminist character getting it on, and then some “Daddy” or “praise” or choking kink pops up. Properly makes one’s vulva cringe.

I don't agree that it's "just" power play, even if you are right that it's being used in that context, as that's not clear from what the OP has said. These power play fantasies can and do result in the submissive person being physically, emotionally and sexually abused as the dominant person gets more into the role. This is especially concerning in this case where the OP is clearly not happy about it, so let's not pretend it's two consenting adults because it's not.

Daddy and daughter role play can also have much more sinister connotations, especially as this guy has a daughter. If he's genuinely into master and servant, then ask to be called master and not "daddy", because the plethora of step daughter videos online suggest that a lot of people are turned on by the thought of abusing a minor and the use of the word daddy makes people think of that.

End of the day, the OP is not happy about it and is asking if she's being unreasonable because she finds it unpleasant. She's not. She's got the right to say no to things she's not into and to end the relationship.

The vast majority of posts here agree that it's not something people would be happy with.

*and while

They're not books, I'm not talking about published authors (although the wildly popular 50 Shades is an obvious example). They're mostly just writing stories on fanfiction sites on the internet which are free for anyone to read. There are millions of them!

Eh? Being “pragmatic and conciliatory” isn’t somehow an indicator that you’re right about something? Of course child sex role play apologists get conciliatory when they realise that people see through the flimsy justifications. Perhaps they are realising that they are wrong.

I can assure you, as someone who read fanfiction quite some years ago, this is not a new or recent phenomenon.

You mean the people outraged are acting outraged, whilst the people trying to normalise things that aren't normal are having to choose their words extremely carefully so as not to dig a deeper hole? Is that what you mean?

I think I am a long way from vanilla... but if choking and daddy role play is what you need to do in order to not be vanilla then I am as vanillas they come.

Even if we assume that spanking, choking, BDSM, group sex is all 100% normal and fine and nothing to bat an eyelid at I really do think daddy role play is another level entirely, even if it's just a word.

Surely, for the vast majority of normal people one of the most important criteria for getting in the mood is NOT thinking about you immediate family, or any words which could make you think of your immediate family? Or am I the weird one and everyone else reminices about their teenage relationship with their father if the sex is getting a bit boring?

Exactly.

Anal sex is completely different. It isn’t being turned on by something that, if it was real, would be abusive and illegal.

I’ll happily use pejoratives about any man who is turned on by the idea of fucking his own daughter.

In fairness I can't imagine too many people will fully divulge every fantasy or fetish that they have even with their closest friends. Certainly from my experience people who do wish to talk about their kinks/fetishes do it via online forums catering for such conversations where there is less chance of judgement or shaming. People who actively engage in whatever fetish generally do it with an entirely separate group from their traditional long term friendship base. I know some of my closest friends of nearly 30 years standing would be shocked with some of the stuff I have got up to behind closed doors.

It isn’t being turned on by something that, if it was real, would be abusive and illegal.

It's not real though, and it's not their own daughters/daddies. It's pointless trying to explain I guess. Kinks are weird prob says it all. Yes they are, that's the point.

I dated a guy once who revealed he’d like to call me “mummy” in bed. It turned my stomach, especially as I have a son. I ended it immediately, it’s really not for me.

I’m uncomfortable in a world where “anything goes”. I tried OLD and the men were disgusting for the most part. And this was men in their late 40s and 50s so old enough that their youth wasn’t spent watching online porn. But they’ve made up for it now!

I’ve resigned myself to probably never having sex again. It’s become so twisted to me. The things men want to do are all designed to hurt/humiliate/have power over women. There is no “pleasure” in that for me.

It definitely is in the (quite well known and prolific) fandom I read, because I’ve read literally every explicit/mature fic in the fandom since about 1994…These “kinks” are very definitely a very recent thing.

Reading this partially brought my lunch back up. Literally.

Or just maybe prefer exploring fantasies via stories that definitely don't exist and hurt noone, rather than real life interactions.

I really don't understand this "women read/write erotica so real life fetishises are fine" argument

That wasn't the point I was addressing. The point I was addressing was "you don't see porn with this kind of stuff aimed at women".

I wasn't comparing the two acts merely how the the discussion on the two issues has gone - in an all too predictable fashion.

The OP has connected his desire to be called Daddy with him having a daughter all on her own - she hasn't said otherwise. And despite PPs, whose knowledge and experience of these things is seems clearly greater, trying to explain that it isn't like that have just been shouted down, more often than not with a side order of insults.

And no I'm no apologist, both paedophilia and incest are aberrant , but what happens between consenting adults is another matter entirely.

I had hoped for an adult discussion but alas as per usual there isn't one to be had.