To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

Re: last sentence.

100%. I can imagine some women might fantasise that they are working from home and a team of builders come over to fit a new kitchen and it ends up in a gang bang. I would assume that the reality is that this woman enjoys sex with her husband, sex with a stranger is exciting but she wouldn't want to do it and risk her marriage... sex with 5 strange men in quick succession is taking the fantasy to another level - she get's the repeated orgasms and lots of male attention without the sore bits, risk of STDs and risk of divorce.

But that is about taking something "good" (exciting orgasmic sex) and upping the ante in a fantasy to a point you wouldn't want in real life.

Thinking about your immediate family before or during sex, or using words which (surely) will remind you of your actual father or daughter is IMHO taking something bad and amplifying it... unless of course the actual thought of incestuous sense is not a bad thing to you.

Part of me thinks I must be missing something, but part of me really doesn;t.

"Its not your place to be making other people feel uncomfortable about what they do in their relationship if you dont know about it. its so easy to be judgemental but unless youre asking for more information on the subject to better understand you should keep those opinions to yourself otherwise youre doing nothing but hating on something and people you dont understand."

It's not the place of people with incest fantasies to make other people uncomfortable by sharing them, and having shared them it is absolutely not the place of people to dictate how others react to their incest fantasies.

I genuinely think here that the only real difference between now and the past is that people (such as those with fantasies that most people think are sick) feel that they have a right not to be judge whilst simultaneously giving judgemental people (ie everyone) all the ammunition they need.

In healthy relationships youd usually see the romantic relationship coming first, rather than the relationship being built on the DDLG. The daddy then learns about the DDLG. The man wanting to be the dominant daddy in the situation I'm describing, is doing it out of love for their little girl. because its about trust and having a good relationship with the partner first.

Fucking weirdo.
Did you walk away when he said this,or continue the conversation.?

I am absolutely not hating on or judging anyone, quite the opposite! I am saying that it is perfectly fine and not in any way related to bring a paedophile.

I do not need anything explained ty, I know a lot about it, I am a psychosexual psychotherapist. I appreciate that it can be a way of healing trauma and certainly performs that role well for many, but that is certainly not the only driver and I feel it important that people who enjoy these activities are not all labelled as damaged, because then it is regarded with suspicion around consent and exploitation. People in these scenarios are adults, quite capable of full consent and plenty are not playing out any kind of trauma at all. There are many variations in all walks of life.

I am not sure why you tagged me there as I am totally sex positive and have not made any hurtful comments. I am all for people expressing themselves any way they please as long as all parties are consenting.

dominant daddy in the situation I'm describing, is doing it out of love for their little girl.

How can you type out that sentence and try to pretend it's anything but beyond fucked up?

Er... if my partner wanted me to pretend they were my "daddy" during sex because it turned them on, then I would be getting the out of there. I'd not want to have children with them that's for sure. I can only assume they are getting turned on as it lets them imagine you're their daughter and that is all kinds of wrong.

because theyre trying to heal their partners trauma by giving them a safe space.

Prove its a load of shite. Because Ive done my research unlike you

I suppose it’s just about ok in a Marilyn Monroe/Sugar Daddy kinda way but that’s still a power imbalance role play (rich older man/beautiful but poor younger woman) but in a daddy/DAUGHTER way?

Fuck no.

Your sex life is not ‘therapy’. And your relationship with your sexual partner is not a ‘therapeutic’ one. Jesus wept.

What research is there to prove that an abusive male reenacting childhood abuse will heal that trauma?

What happens when the trauma is 'healed' and the little girl 🤢 no longer needs daddy to fuck her better?

Daddy just ok with that?

Happy to have a normal relationship with a grown woman?

@Snugglemonkey said "I do not need anything explained ty, I know a lot about it, I am a psychosexual psychotherapist."

Given the state of the world right now, not least when you look at medical care for trans identifying people, I can honestly say that those words make me less willing to trust your opinion than more.

Run! If you’re not into something don’t pretend you are. Yuk.

A post upthread showing just how normalised incestuous child rape has become. Not okay. I've worked with women who have been convinced to do this kind of thing. It fucking traumatised them.

And of course victims of abuse who are complete vulnerable are fully able to consent to daddy aren't they?

Jeeze. Any psychosexual psychotherapist advocating this shite needs banned.

@OP hopefully you've got the message that "no, you're not being unreasonable".

On the plus side it as come up quite early on and you can move on. Whatever the reasons why someone is into something, if you're not you don't have to accept it. I wouldn't. You you can find someone who likes the things you do.

My work of does involve a lot of unpicking, especially when working with compulsive sexual behaviours. Interestingly, when lorn gets really problematic for people, they tend not to be engaging very much with the images themselves. They often cannot describe what they looked at, don't watch what they download, or do not watch fully. Their viewing history ceases to reflect their actual interests as the seeking, bunting out the potential thrill becomes the thrill, not the video. The video ceases to excite the second it is clicked on. That certainly drives more extreme stuff being produced to grab attention.

In my experience though, templated are mostly set very early. Things can be added, drives can be shaped and new things added as knowledge increased but nobody knows whether we get interested in something because we are exposed to it, or whether that interest was already there, but had nothing to attach itself to. I do a lot of work around what is antisocial and of course with making sure people understand what is legal. I use the 6 pillars of sexual health A LOT.

I do think that children cannot handle porn, are not established enough in their own identity and are really vulnerable to having their perspectives warped. We need to do more as a society to educate them well about sex and to try and prevent early exposure to porn.

I think the biggest reason for the increasing use of images of child sexual abuse is availability.

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Of course that is your prerogative. People can choose to believe what they wish. I am choosing not to be "educated" by anyone on here, as I have a degree, 2 postgrads and a masters. I totally respect your right to make the same choice. None of us should trust anyone on here in fairness!

@Snugglemonkey said "Interestingly, when lorn gets really problematic for people, they tend not to be engaging very much with the images themselves. They often cannot describe what they looked at, don't watch what they download, or do not watch fully."

Out of curiousity to what extent are you also saying the reverse - if people are engaging a lot with the images then their porn use is unlikely to be really problematic?

Secondly, how are you confident that you can trust that they can't describe what they looked at, or is it more that they don't want to reveal just how depraved they are?

@Snugglemonkey said "Of course that is your prerogative. People can choose to believe what they wish. I am choosing not to be "educated" by anyone on here, as I have a degree, 2 postgrads and a masters. I totally respect your right to make the same choice. None of us should trust anyone on here in fairness!"

Given the scandals around healthcare for trans identifying kids, that bloke in Manchester doing a masters in wanking to paedophile anime porn, how can you have any confidence that your degree 2 postgrads and a masters aren't nothing more than a load of absolute crap dreamed up by perverts and fetishists to push their own agender and normalise their own transgressive behaviour?

Not at all. At that point their porn use is usually out of control. Doing it on work computers kind of out of control, engaging in risky behaviour, jeopardising jobs, relationships etc.

I meet people who I definitely believe are do in the zone, they lose themselves. I don't do forensic work, I am not qualified too. So no court appointed work, no people viewing child porn etc. My clients self refer and come because they genuinely want help. They are usually the ones telling me they are depraved and I am the one calming them. You can't work well until people come away from the shame a bit.