To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

The guff comment was in response to another post upthread. It's not all about you.

@Pinkdelight3

So then, in fact, you don't understand that fantasies can often feature etc etc. It's the very wrongness/forbidden nature that is having the effect.

Oh look you've said something true!

Would you agree then that pornification and the increasing availability of overmore 'extreme' content leads to escalation? There is a reasonably accepted theory indicating that child sex abuse material is often the end point of a long process of desensitisation to the 'forbidden' thrill via ever more extreme/kinky porn and fantasy: www.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/dec/15/how-extreme-porn-has-become-a-gateway-drug-into-child-abuse

I admit to not being an expert on what many would regard as relatively transgressive fantasies, but I do completely get that some people have fantasies that they want to live out which are completely outside of the realm of most people's experience.

I don't get rape fantasies... I assume that rape fantasies are not really rape fantasies, they are a fantasy about an attractive forceful man who decides he wants you right now and you want it right now even if you know you shouldn't. Maybe you can tell me I am wrong?

I get the thrill of something kinky that most people would be mortified if their friends knew they did... but fantasising about sex with a family member (real or imagined) is beyond my ability to comprehend. I don't think this makes me a bad person.

I was about to say this too. It is a power exchange play not a paedophile role play.

@youlightupmyday

I was about to say this too. It is a power exchange play not a paedophile role play.

So why not 'master'? Why 'daddy'?

All this 'it's just a power play!!' stuff does seem a bit in the vein of "I just want to call you a dirty whore during sex as a power play, I'm not actually a misogynist." Mmmmm-hmm.

Oh yeah, right, if that’s so why aren’t these people pretending to be Boris Johnson and his tea lady or similar?

Christ on a bike, you must all think we’re very stupid. 🙄 Either that or you actually believe this stuff yourselves…

Because master has an entirely different flavour. I spend a lot of time helping people work out their secual templates. For many people, master and slave is very cold and unloving, it has cruel undertones, whereas the daddy thing is gentle, about a caring partner taking care of the needs of the submissive. So one might be arousing to some, but not the other, even if actually the sex looks kind of the same in terms of activity.

''@youlightupmyday
@ArcticSkewer
It's not at all my thing, but it's a fairly common mild kink that isn't about paedophilia. Age play is more about a sub-dom caring roleplay.
I was about to say this too. It is a power exchange play not a paedophile role play.''

Again no. This is not about power exchange and it is not common or mild kink.

A sub/dom relationship is about power exchange. This is something different.

Dump and block. Let the wanker wank on his own.

I can't believe some are defending this as fairly normal 'age play.' He's asking to be called daddy and daughter. How many adults call their dad/father daddy? I don't know any adult women who do. Daddy is said by a child. NRTFT but I hope the OP has dumped his vile arse.

OK so I'm not understanding this. Surely if the understanding within the fantasy is that 'daddy' is not actually pretending to be 'daddy', but a dominant but caring partner.... then wouldn't 'husband' be sufficient? Some couples have a traditional dom/sub arrangement, where the man is the caring protector, the woman the submissive subordinate. It's the infantilisation of the female partner and the incest implied by 'daddy' that is troubling, I would have thought universally so - when there are so many ways to imply a power differential without implying child abuse, why would you if it wasn't the taboo of incest/child abuse getting you off? See also 'little girl'.

Why do people who like leather not all feel equally excited about pvc? Because they are not the same. There are many variations in power exchange play, some people will like only one, some people may like many but you cannot compare two things that are not very related. You are failing to look at the things that contribute to the excitement, which is highly individual.

And yes, I really do believe what I think, it is something I am really well educated in. There is a massive difference between fantasy and reality, that is a very basic fact.

Saying that wanting to be called daddy in role play isn’t the same as being a paedophile doesn’t make you a paedophile apologist. If op knows her partner to be re-enacting his sexual abuse to his own daughter she should have led with that really.

Every one of my friends at home calls their parents daddy and mummy. I do, my brother's do. In Ireland, it is what parents are called. Also plenty of people here!

All roleplay and fetishes always come down to power - Daddy daughter being a good example.

Someone is dominant and someone is submissive - Doctor patient, police officer criminal, teacher student.

This is a message to a number of people here.

@Snugglemonkey Ill try to explain this a bit better as I know a bit about the subject. A number of commenters including the original poster is clearly so ignorant. A number of daddy dom little girl relationships are about healing trauma. Its a type of therapy. Its not about the daughter pretending the man is their actual father. Its about a caring and submissive role. Its about trust and enables the woman to feel cared for and safe. The daddy dom little girl roles will apply outside of sex too in other ways. its age regressing. the fact that the woman is playing as a daughter isnt sexual in itself. But the woman is still physically an adult with sexual needs so sex comes into that and they can consent to it as they are still in a romantic relationship with their partner. It has nothing to do with paedophilia but out of love for their little girl.

Its not your place to be making other people feel uncomfortable about what they do in their relationship if you dont know about it. its so easy to be judgemental but unless youre asking for more information on the subject to better understand you should keep those opinions to yourself otherwise youre doing nothing but hating on something and people you dont understand. you can have your own opinions on other peoples sex lives but unless they ask for your opinions you dont make hurtful comments about their sex life that in itself is very intrusive and weird not to mention very fucking hurtful.

whereas the daddy thing is gentle, about a caring partner taking care of the needs of the submissive.

Perhaps you should examine the offensive idea you’re perpetuating, that father-child sexual abuse can be imagined as “caring” and “gentle”.

If you genuinely go about telling people that this is the case, you are normalising a disturbed fantasy about child sexual abuse that is often used very explicitly by paedophiles to justify their behaviour.

Educate yourself and do better, including getting rid of these exploitative, abuse-justifying and immature ideas.

What are your views on the effects of pornography on the shaping of desire? Does any of your work involve unpicking the artificial desires implanted and exacerbated by excessive use of extreme porn in an attempt to find authentic desire? Do you agree with Michael Sheath that the shifting of 'normal' within porn has played a part in the increasing use of child abuse images?

I’m going to repost this to you too:

You should examine the offensive idea you’re perpetuating, that father-child sexual abuse can be imagined as “caring” and “gentle” and used as fodder for sexual fantasies.

If you genuinely go about telling people that this is the case, you are normalising a disturbed fantasy about child sexual abuse that is often used very explicitly by paedophiles to justify their behaviour.

This is nothing like genuine trauma focused therapy. In fact it’s the very opposite. It’s extremely harmful.

Educate yourself and do better, including getting rid of these exploitative, abuse-justifying and immature ideas. Anyone who spouts this shit is both seriously deluded and needs to grow up damn fast.

This makes sense (of sorts) if it is the woman turned on by the fantasy. In this case it is the man wanting to be in the dominant 'daddy' role. Is he undergoing therapy too?

@ArcticSkewer

''And you don't think bdsm is mainstream these days either? But is a 'niche sexual practice'? Hate to tell you, but bdsm is pretty normalised these days, they even make films and books about it. You may have heard of Fifty Shades?''

Except that 50 shades has nothing to do with real BDSM. You don't need to tell me anything, I know that world quite well. What goes in it is will never be ''mainstream'' or ''normalised''. Because in reality it has no resemblance to what is portrayed in the books.

Its not therapy.

No therapy would involve role playing abuse.

It could potentially be the taboo of child abuse getting you off, but it is highly unlikely as actually both partners are striving to make the exchange loving. The incest taboo is exciting to some. The main driver for the lg (or lb) though is the abandonment of responsibility, the ability to not adult for a spell and surrender completely, to have that be safe because a daddy is safe. It is a role play.

Why not husband? Because most people don't want to live in that space. It is a thing they do occasionally in bed. They live as husband and wife and that space is one of equals. Some people live DD/lg full time but for most it is a fraction of life and the rest is about who is picking up kids, making dinner or doing all the same mundane domestic shite as the rest of us.