To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

If OP is turned off by this then no worries, move on.

I do think accusing the guy of being into child sexual abuse or fantasizing about his own daughter are completely over the top.

I'm female, and when I was in my early 20s I was into this kink. I hadn't been abused/didn't have issues/wasn't fucked up (as some lovely people on this thread claim). I liked the idea of having sex with the other person being 'in control'/making the decisions, but was turned off by master/slave or indeed boss/secretary, teacher/ pupil type stuff as it didn't involve love. When I can across daddy/daughter stuff (not through porn as I don't watch it but from forums) it made sense to me as a context where someone can love someone but be in charge. I.e. a parent loves you but still tells you what to do. Anyway, I talked my boyfriend of the time into trying it. I did not mentally connect calling my partner 'daddy' in any way with my actual father, or think about my actual dad during sex (that would be fucking gross!).

I liked it at the time but am not into it now (I no longer feel the need to have someone else running the show when I have sex I guess), and I don't think I'm a messed up pedophile.

(Named changed for this for obvious reasons)

If paedophilia and incest are abhorrent then in what way is evoking themes of incest and paedophilia into your sex life not abhorrent as well. Obviously not AS abhorent, but abhorrent nonetheless?

Just about the only way this makes any sense as acceptable is in a post-queer-theory world where words have no fixed meaning and the word "daddy" has no association with the person who is your father and the word "daughter" is about relatively young females, nothing to do with being someone's female child.

People who do master/slave roleplay aren't getting off on the actual horrors slavery, are they?

Slavery is clearly abhorrent. A politician abusing their power to take advantage of their secretary (something someone suggested as a better way to roleplay power exchange) is clearly abhorrent.

But people playing sexy secretary aren't fantasizing about how great it would be if their actual boss assaulted them? That's not even going to cross their minds. It's not connected with the real world in that way.

I didn't see your post whilst typing mine.

TLDR - "daddy" fantasies are fine so long as the word "daddy" has absolutely no ability to make you think of your father, in other words so long as you are able to use the word utterly devoid of it's meaning?

I don't understand why you would use the word daddy when you don't want any association with your father, and I don't understand how you could use the word daddy without creating an association with your father.

I just do not get it.

I get how a fantasy can be an exagerated version of your desires, but I don;t get what it is acceptable to have going round your head that can then be exagerated into a daddy fantasy (albeit one that - bizarrely - is not about and doesn;t make you think about daddy). So weird!

I think I have finally come to this realisation as a middle aged woman that:

Yes I know that some people have weird kinks and many more will use porn regularly.

But I also have the right to say that I find some of these kinks revolting, and that includes any adult male pretending to be turned on by a teenager or a child, and that I do not agree with porn use on ethical grounds.

I am no longer willing to put up with those who try to gaslight me into thinking that if I object to porn I am a ''prude'' or that if I call a niche fetish vile then I must be ''judgmental'' or ''misinformed'' and that these practices are ''common''.

I think it is about bloody time we give ourselves the right to have healthy boundaries and say that many of us don't want porn-addicted partners or people who are into violent, degrading or bizarre sexual practices.

Absolutely this!!! I couldn't agree more. It's boring hearing people defend such nonsense to be honest. They think they're so cutting edge. They're really just revolting.

It's pretty revolting

If a man said this to me, I'd just think he was sad and inadequate tbh. I wouldn't think there wax a paedo connection particularly. If anything, it would strike me as he wanted to create some kind of pimp dynamic where the hooker calls him "daddy". Not exactly great obviously, but not connected to children or his own daughter either. Of it could be just something along the lines of the way people say "You the daddy" as if to say "You the man". I mean, he didn't say he wants the OP to dress up or behave as a child (or did I miss something)?

It strikes me as a variation of a mild sub-dom type dynamic - the way some men may want you to dress up in a maid dress or whatever. They're hardly going to be hanging out in hotel corridors looking for maids in real life.

I didn't say daddy fantasies are fine. I just offered a counterpoint to the 'no woman has this fantasy or if they do they are traumatised' nonsense that others have been posting.

I've explained that for me the 'Daddy' fantasy was about a fiction, a roleplay relationship that had nothing to do with my actual father.

Just as I'm sure people doing master/slave are not thinking about (or getting off on) people of colour dying in thousands on boats to the Americas, despite knowing what the word slave means.

I cannot get past the idea that whilst slavery is abhorrent, that one can create a fantasy where the master is 100% is charge, but he is an OK person and doesn't dominate you beyond the level at which you are comfortable. The underlying scenario is completely wrong, but the events in the fantasy are not.

Meanwhile, with daddy / daughter the underlying scenario (incest is completely wrong), and whichever way you take the fantasy, even if you stop after heavy petting, is completely wrong because it is incest!

There is a difference between a really dodgy scenario (perv boss) and it playing out in a consensual way in your fantasy, and another really dodgy scenario (daddy / daughter) which cannot play out in any other way than daddy / daughter getting it on. Unless you literally dissassociate the words from their meanings, which a pster upthread seems to have found possible.

@Laughingravy

What is there to discuss?

What ever way you look at it, it's role playing abuse.

@Letstalkaboutsexadult

Why couldn't you just have had sex with a person you loved and them be in charge?

Why have to pretend they were a parent figure?

@Letstalkaboutsexadult "I didn't say daddy fantasies are fine. I just offered a counterpoint to the 'no woman has this fantasy or if they do they are traumatised' nonsense that others have been posting.

I've explained that for me the 'Daddy' fantasy was about a fiction, a roleplay relationship that had nothing to do with my actual father.

Just as I'm sure people doing master/slave are not thinking about (or getting off on) people of colour dying in thousands on boats to the Americas, despite knowing what the word slave means."

There is a difference. I am sure that there are some (very rare) slaves who are or were incredibly well treated, and indeed some who fall in love with their masters and are treated like wives. In contrast every single daddy / daughter relationship is incestuous by definition.

I am not criticising you or denying your experience, rather I am finding it impossible to reconcile the idea that you can use the word daddy without thinking of your father, whilst finding it incredibly disturbing that anyone would want to think of their father during sex. And daughter in the vice versa scenario.

In other words it seems to me a daddy fantasy is by definition disturbing, or it is beyond my comprehension (it involves using words whilst not associating them with their actual meaning).

Erotic writing isn't the same as porn.

They're both pornography, just in different media. Pornography is not just videos.

And my point was that saying porn videos are equivalent to writing is a false equivalence designed to make it appear as if fetishism is equally prevalent in women as men. Whereas the reality is fetishes are predominantly a male thing. As is sexual violence.

But you know this of course

It is creepy

years ago seeing an older guy and he asked me to call him daddy when we were having sex 🤢

I think it’s more about power mostly

but in some Latin cultures they call little mama little papa as a term of endearment

Again, that wasn't the point I was addressing. The point I was addressing was "you don't see this kind of porn aimed at women". The prevalence of paraphilic interests in men vs women, or the levels of sexual violence committed, was not what I was responding to.

Presumably the people with master/slave kinks have no real opportunity to act these out; slavery isn’t part of any Western adult’s normal daily experience. There are sexual harassment laws in the workplace, and these days the vast majority of bosses are not actually going to be demanding sex over the desk. In any case all these fantasies involve fantasies about adults.

Whereas we know child sexual abuse is prevalent everywhere, and many men like to view child pornography and indeed many men abuse their or others’ children. Several posters here have even been outright claiming that this is some kind of “therapy” for women who actually have experienced sexual abuse (a dangerous and extremely unethical idea). So the connection between “real” CSA and role-play is made explicitly by apologists, even as they try to say it has nothing to do with abuse (if it has nothing to do with abuse, why would you try to claim that survivors of abuse would find it some kind of “healing space”?)

We can see you.

Well yes you don't see this kind of porn aimed at women. Because women aren't on the whole interested in it.

I'm a bit confused what point you were making and what fanfic has to do with it?

Because you do see this kind of porn aimed at women. Written porn, not video porn. Largely written by women for women, on fanfiction sites on the internet.

If you'd read my posts this would be clear.

Hmm. I did read your post but you said I'd missed your point when I said women read it because it's a real expression of a fantasy. And that equating written porn with videos is how men try to normalise their fetishes with "women do it too"

Looks like I didn't miss the point after all, thanks for clarifying

Writing is not a real expression of a fantasy sorry

My stomach contents just rose up and I've got a migraine. Tell him he's disgusting. Tell him you've got a grandad fantasy and want to call him grandad.

It's more common than you'd think. And completely vile, in my opinion.