To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

Vile

So. People have a problematic relationship with porn and are ashamed and want to stop... and the first step is to reassure them that they are normal and shouldn't be ashamed because you can't help them to stop doing the thing they're ashamed of doing until they stop being ashamed? makes a lot of sense!

Also, are you simultaneously suggesting that weird fantasies are not a bad thing, whilst also telling people on this thread not to worry because half of the people downloading this stuff with weird fantasies aren't even watching it?

Is there a link between extreme porn and watching porn obsessively, at work, in risky situations?

No reputable “psychosexual psychotherapist” under any kind of professional body would be suggesting this, not under any circumstances.

To trade in the kinds of persistent cultural narratives of how men who abuse children are doing it out of “love” or “care” is not something any therapist with any professional training would do, I’m afraid.

I don't give a shit how many masters someone has, or "research papers" they can point to on the topic, "age play" is fucking gross. I'd never heard that term before opening this thread because, thank fuck, I don't hang around with paedophiles.

Some of the explanations on this thread for essentially fantasising about child abuse are pathetic. And quite stupid when it comes to even an ounce of critical analysis.

I don't know what is more concerning... that someone claiming to be so well-educated on the subject holds such opinions, or that the credibility of the field (psychotherapy related to sex and gender issues) is so staggeringly non-existent that I wouldn't be surprised that Snugglemonkey is one of the mainstream / normal ones.

I think its disgusting and deeply disturbing, especially with blokes who have daughters

Bollocks. This reads like someone who’s set themselves up on the internet in the US as some kind of amateur domme “sex therapist”.

No professional psychotherapist would be advocating this as any kind of trauma therapy. It’s against all professional guidelines (and against all “research”, FYI), and is exploitative and dangerous. Registered with UKCP, are you?

If you’re genuinely doing this (as opposed to some kind of silly fantasy you’re putting out on here), you need to be stocking up on your professional indemnity insurance. (Not that anyone would cover this nonsense….)

That really does not reflect what I have said at all.

It's made me realise I'm very vanilla.

I know we aren't supposed to kink shame or whatever but mens sexualities seem to be a bottomless pit of depravity.

I think an obvious and clear indication of whether something is ‘therapeutic’ is whether erect penises are involved.

If the proposed ‘therapy’ requires you to interact with an erect penis, it’s not actually therapy. It’s sex.

Even sex therapy should be about helping people with problems relating to their sex life. Not curing trauma via sex.

Obviously that’s not a sufficient test. But it’s a helpful indicator of where things are definitely not therapy.

Any more than visiting a brothel for a ‘massage‘ is therapy.

As usual, this has come from porn. Up there with lots of Step-Mom/Step-Daughter shit. And it’s REALLY common at the moment. With other stuff on ‘rough’ sex (bloke holding woman down, pulling hair and having her in choke hold).

I actually despair of them ever becoming less fucking vile/into cheating/wanting sex that has no element focused on women’s pleasure.

Yes, no reputable clinical psychotherapist registered with UKCP (or BACP, for psychotherapeutic counsellors) would ever be advocating this. It’s against the professional code of ethics, and the guidelines that indemnify you for professional insurance purposes, anyway.

Sadly mental health services are still not completely properly regulated in the U.K. so anyone can call themselves a therapist if unwary idiots believe them. There’s always been a lot of disquiet about this amongst genuine professsionals. You should only trust members of an accredited professional body to provide counselling or psychotherapy — not least because there’s no oversight or indemnity insurance if it goes wrong.

I suspect some posters here are also acting out a fantasy — either that or they’re admitting their poor practice and in professionalism and are in danger of harming very vulnerable women.

I also despair. I despair for my 11 year old daughter and every other young girl who will undoubtedly come across this at some point with some bloke

Firstly, I did not suggest or advocate it, I acknowledged that some people seek out such relationships for those reasons.

Secondly, I have never and would never condone sexual abuse. It is abhorrent in all forms and men who hurt children are in no way caring. At no point did I say that. I do not appreciate being cast as an apologist for a heinous crime.

I said that what consensual adults are doing is very different.

Gross.

I am fed up that any kind of criticism of frankly gross, perverted and deviant sexual practices is turned round as being “prudish” and “kink shaming”.

Utter bollocks. You write yourself in the quoted post:

it can be a way of healing trauma and certainly performs that role well for many

No reputable genuine psychotherapist would ever believe or advocate that. It’s the very opposite of all research and guidelines.

My thoughts too. Gaggg

@Snugglemonkey why are women consenting though? Is it to keep some bloke interested because they don’t want to feel they’re ‘too prudish’. You don’t see porn aimed at women with this stuff. Sorry, but all this too cool for school ‘anything goes’ is just a breeding ground to help men want more and more perverted things because they can no longer get off with just bloody good sex! And this makes females feel obliged to ‘consent’.

Completely agree that there is likely question marks over the womens’ consent

You've never been onto a fanfiction website, have you! It's pretty damn rampant, and by and large written by women for women.

It was an honest attempt - where was I mistaken?

It doesn't do anything for me, but it's just a power play and "daddy" can generally be substituted for any authoritative title.

I'm not a fan of kink shaming when the kink essentially isn't harmful.

I think shaming your friend because she says she likes to be gently spanked on the bottom, or tickled with a feather, during sex is appalling behaviour.

When kinks are shameful, however, I think that the person with a kink should be equally ashamed of their kink, and ashamed that they have so little grasp on normal behaviour that they share their shameful kink with others.