To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

Honestly, I would end a relationship of 6 weeks based on him enthusing about a sexual fetish that makes me feel
queasy. There is no way I’d be able to look him in the same way again, and I’d be wondering what other horrors he didn’t feel were suitable to discuss in such a new relationship.

I have learned the hard way to listen to my instinctual responses on this stuff. There are plenty of men out there, I don’t need to have relationships with the ones who think ‘daddy/daughter play’ or ‘breath play’ or anything else I’m uncomfortable with. They can either find someone who thinks that’s all fine, or stick to developing ever less attractive fetishes via their porn habits.

He could have told me he liked doing her doggy style and I still wouldn't have been able to look at him the same way again. Because it's bloody strange to tell random people all about what you get up to in the bedroom.

Exactly this.

Yeah, pull the other one, it’s got bells on it 🙄

I am fucking fed up of living in a culture that wants to accept things that are clearly wrong as some sort of sexy fetish to explore.

^^This. And while we’re at DDLG we can also add choking, BDSM, fetishising prostitution, nappy fetishes, and the whole porn-soaked disgusting culture of all of it.

I like to play as a sexually repressed middle class mumsnetter. I put on my best Boden and lay rigid on the bed to wait for my husband. When he comes in I scream “DEATH GRIP!” and off he flees to pick up the Waitrose order.

This “kink” is known as “DDLG” or “Daddy Dom Little Girl”, that for example is the tag he would be searching porn sites for.

YANBU. It's revolting. Get rid.

Some of the top searches on porn sites are about step daughters, daughters and sisters.
It's vile and men think it's acceptable to ask women to "role play".

That’s so gross

I'm not being funny but when did we become so jaded that just being an adult human fucking another adult human isn't erotic enough, and we need to indulge in all this costumery and silly buggers to get aroused?

I remember being a teen and just being near the object of my desire, never mind touching them, could be astonishingly erotic. How on earth do we as a species get from there to needing to be dressed up, tied down, smacked around and choked in order to enjoy ourselves?

I particularly feel all this sort of thing is obscuring and doctoring women's sexuality. It's only been in very recent times women have been encouraged to even consider their own pleasure, their own desires, their own fantasies - maybe 50, 60 years? That this has occurred in a context of ever-increasing pornography and consequently evermore boundary-pushing/taboo-busting sexual fetishes to keep up with the pornification of male sexuality, it seems to me that the fact women apparently 'get off' on the 50 shades theme, or on a 'daddy' fantasy, is not evolving spontaneously.

Yes, it still would.

I honestly think all the 'kinks' etc are more repressive than liberating. It's taking someone's unique, innate sexual pleasure and putting it into a script, a box, a pre-written narrative, a story. It's sanitising it in a way, even as it pushes every boundary of what used to be described as 'decency'. it tames it. Even if you're pretending to be a cat or whatever.

"We" don't need to. Some people enjoy weird shit some of the time, fewer people enjoy weird shit exclusively. Lots of people dabble with weird shit very occasionally. But your average adult on an average night with their partner is not going to be swinging from the chandeliers or tying anything anywhere.

I do understand that fantasies can often feature things happening that you would not in a million years want to happen in real life... but yet there is something about incest which feels, I dunno, what's the word? Wrong? Is that the word I'm looking for?

Its normal to be concerened for safety reasons and questioning whats going on in someones head but you are clearly ignorant on the subject so its not your place to judge. Yes people can be creeps but there are people who arent who do this because of their own trauma and its not your place to judge other peoples sex life

*I'm not being funny but when did we become so jaded that just being an adult human fucking another adult human isn't erotic enough, and we need to indulge in all this costumery and silly buggers to get aroused?

I remember being a teen and just being near the object of my desire, never mind touching them, could be astonishingly erotic. How on earth do we as a species get from there to needing to be dressed up, tied down, smacked around and choked in order to enjoy ourselves?*

It's quite odd - and telling - that you equate the entire history of humanity with the very short span of your own life. People have been kinky since the dawn of time. It's not something that's recently emerged with your own awareness of it. Sure, the internet means that people who might never have come across it because it's not their thing (and by their nature, kinks won't be for the majority) will be more aware of it than previously, but that doesn't mean it's a new thing.

It's also guff that all women into this have been abused/damaged/whatever. Human desire can be strange and illogical, and as long as consenting adults are all okay with what's taking place between them or in their heads, no harm done.

I do understand that fantasies can often feature things happening that you would not in a million years want to happen in real life... but yet there is something about incest which feels, I dunno, what's the word? Wrong? Is that the word I'm looking for?

So then, in fact, you don't understand that fantasies can often feature etc etc. It's the very wrongness/forbidden nature that is having the effect.

I would imagine and hope that a significant part of the reason for this is that - lots of consumers of porn are teenage boys - lots of teenage boys have a desire for sex ASAP with anyone / anything - lots of teenage boys have step-sisters - for lots of teenage boys their step-sister is the only girl who'll talk to them so the only girl that could be any sort of part of a semi-realistic fantasy is the step-sister (who is, of course, not a biological relative).

But aside from that partial defence... nothing. The idea of shagging your daughter / step daughter / step mum / step dad would seem to me to be deeply weird and deeply concerning. There are fantasies which I find deeply odd (cuckolding being a prime example), but which a tiny part of my brain can kind of sort of see how a tiny tiny minority might like. But incest or risking the end of your relationship with your mum off by shagging her new husband... really really really don't get it.

@Pinkdelight3

It's quite odd - and telling - that you equate the entire history of humanity with the very short span of your own life

Except I didn't. I even referred to the wider scope further down the post. I was referencing my own teen experience to make the point that very few people, as their sexuality emerges, require this kind of elaborate taboo-busting narrative or props to experience arousal, and wondering how as human beings we get from that to this. Not that human sexuality began when mine did. I mean obviously 🙄

People have been kinky since the dawn of time. It's not something that's recently emerged with your own awareness of it. Sure, the internet means that people who might never have come across it because it's not their thing (and by their nature, kinks won't be for the majority) will be more aware of it than previously, but that doesn't mean it's a new thing.

For that assertion to be even partially demonstrable, you'd need to have a definition of 'kinky'. As far as I can tell, a kink is a sexual desire or paraphilia that is not generally accepted by wider society - so anal and oral would once have been considered a 'kink', now it is so widely practiced it is mainstream and 'vanilla'. As the window of acceptable sexual behaviour moves, so does the definition of 'kink'. Or do you have a more stable definition that could be used to evidence your assertion? Certainly I don't think you can demonstrate that people have been pretending to be cats for the purposes of sexual arousal 'since the dawn of time', but I may simply be ignorant of extensive research in this area?

It's also guff that all women into this have been abused/damaged/whatever. Human desire can be strange and illogical, and as long as consenting adults are all okay with what's taking place between them or in their heads, no harm done.

I didn't say they were or had to be. I simply said that the pervasiveness of pornography, a largely male-driven medium, into our sexual culture, alongside the relatively recent innovation that is female sexual liberation, will have had an impact on what hetero women find arousing (or profess to). I think you'd be unlikely, for example, to find many middle-aged lesbians getting off by calling each other mummy during sex.

You can of course disagree with me, but if you are going to imply naivety and ignorance you should probably bring some evidence to support your own opinions.

No that's grim... I would block

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww......................

Someone who fancies both is not the same as being a paedophile. People sexuslly assault children for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it is genuine sexual attraction, sometimes it is about power and/or accessiblity, but actually people frequently misuse the word paedophile and I think many on this thread are.

Turns out my vagina can cringe all on its own - and it did when I read the OP.

This ^

Logically then you shouldn’t be attempting to normalise or excuse it, then, if it’s the very wrongness that is the point? People who like these fetishes should own that, not try to pretend it’s all some normal harmless fantasy.

Anyone up for justifying bestiality or necrophilia fantasies next? How nasty does it have to get before the “dOnT kInK sHaMe MEEEE!” lot get embarrassed?

Yes people can be creeps but there are people who arent who do this because of their own trauma and its not your place to judge other peoples sex life

Maybe that isn’t a healthy response to trauma, just a thought.

And I absolutely can judge other people’s sex lives. Who says I can’t? People looking at extreme violent porn, men searching for incest fantasies, people who like wanking into nappies whilst dressed as babies — yes, I judge you all, you perverted fuckers.

I once clicked on an anti-porn campaigner’s thread on here (on FWR) despite all the trigger warnings. Some of the stuff on it literally made me sick — I had to lie down not to vomit. Porn of disabled amputee women being drugged and tied up and abused, girls who looked like children being hung from ropes and men wanking onto them, all sorts of simply disgusting and wrong material that some people like. Doesn’t stop it being fucking wrong though and we’ll judge away as we see fit, thank you.

It certainly disabused me of any idea that porn is harmless and fine. Half of this stuff is now on the front pages of pornhub — choking was niche five or ten years ago and now every “vanilla” video features it. It’s purely and simply the commercial desensitising of immoral and violent behaviour as sexually normal, and all you “don’t judge meeee!” lot know perfectly well it is.