To think daddy/daughter kinks are weird af?

[bringingdownthehotel]

Been dating a what I thought to be lovely man for a month and a half. Last night we were talking about our fantasies etc and he basically told me he has a daddy/daughter fantasy and likes being called daddy. I said 'daddy' in a laughing way and he was like 'mmm say it again' dead serious.

Now I'm all for people being into what they are into whether I like it or not. But what especially grosses me out here is the fact that he has a daughter! I just think it's so wrong! And it's sadly put me right off the more I think about it. It seems perverse.

AIBU?

But it comes back to the key point that grown consenting adults calling each other agreed names - even if we might find them distasteful - does not mean they are paedophiles.

I’m not saying someone who does this is a rapist or is going to abuse a child. I’m saying a man who wants someone he is having sex with, to cal him daddy, and for him to call her little girl etc, is weird and horrible and that I believe there must be some part of him which is thinking about a child at the time. I can’t see how he couldn’t be when he is being called daddy. Which is why I use the word paedophile. You can be a paedophile without having ever acted on it

Right, and I’m saying I disagree with you.

Yeah would gross me out, I don’t think I have ever asked to be called “mum” during sex. It’s clearly a dominance thing, It’s the idea that he connects the word daddy with sexual domination that I would find creepy.

I remember reading about an interview with a pair of non offending paedophiles who were in a relationship- they took it in turns to be a “baby” during sex. This has definitely coloured my view of this kind of thing.

And I don’t know where you’ve pulled him calling her ‘little girl’ from, that never happened? I imagine it makes it easier for you to insist he’s thinking about abusing children though.

Which you are entitled to do

Came from other pp. not about the op but the general discussion that this has turned into

it's also a fairly common female fantasy, not necessarily led by the male in the relationship at all, wanting to be cared for and taken care of in a submissive way.

I know a few people who are really into it as a roleplay. They are totally normal people.

It's not for me, but then I wouldn't be two months in to a relationship with someone who was into it either. We wouldn't have been compatible from the start.

it's often called ddlg - daddy dom/little girl

I once bought DH a Tshirt that said
"I'm the Daddy" thinking it would be a cute thing to wear when we took the kids out.
He refused to wear it and explained why...I was so innocent.

I didn't even know if I should send it to the charity shop

Some of you are very naive. This is not just a male fetish.

Amazing that there will always be some people who try to defend these sort of behaviour rather than objectively analyse what is going on.

No matter how you try to dress it up as ''age play'', you basically have a man who gets off on infantilising women and doing role plays that involves him pretending to have sex with a little girl who he is related to.

I don't care of this is done by two consenting adults, it is still a vile ''fetish'' and it is perfectly reasonable to tell any man who expresses this as one of his main fantasies to get lost.

I think it is perfectly natural to feel very uncomfortable about the whole thing and to wonder whether that person would ever be tempted to turn the fantasy into reality if you have children.

This is also why I am always very uncomfortable with porn that shows women pretending to be teenagers. It normalises the over-sexualisation of young girls even if the performers themselves are over-18.

@ArcticSkewer

You dont see the issue with a grown woman wanting to pretend to be a little girl and for the person to be taking care of her in a dominant way to fuck her?

Rather than indulging that need they'd be far better of getting therapy for it.

It leaves them open to all sorts of abuse.

The real kind. Not the role play kind.

''@ArcticSkewer
it's also a fairly common female fantasy, not necessarily led by the male in the relationship at all, wanting to be cared for and taken care of in a submissive way.
I know a few people who are really into it as a roleplay. They are totally normal people.''

No, it's not a common female fantasy. It is something that does happen on the BDSM scene which is a niche sexual practice in itself. If you have these kinks your sexually is not exactly ''normal'' either.

So let's not pretend that was goes on in BDSM relationships is common or the norm. It does not mean people should automatically be stigmatised for it but it is gaslighting to pretend this is common practice.

My friend's gf told me ge lived wearing tights and having sex with her whilst wearing them. He also liked her ripping them off him. I could never look at him the same way again.

She dresses like an infant in public. I've never seen her in normal, adult clothes. She dresses like a three year old.

They're open in the sense that they mention the kink in conversation and writing. The woman is a writer and it's a big part of what she writes about. I've never asked for or had them volunteer any more details than that.

Oh ok. I thought you meant they would tell you things you didn’t want to hear etc. Which is boundary crossing. But obviously if they’re public about it then you would know anyway. Still a bit odd and I wouldn’t want to be part of that conversation personally.

I do think this whole "daddy" kink for some people could also come from the adult woman wanting to let go of some of her control and wanting to be looked after I assume. trusting the other person to look after her in every way etc...

Still a bit odd and I wouldn’t want to be part of that conversation personally.

Well, no. I'm not 'part of that conversation' except inasmuch as they are public about their kink so I do know about it. As I said, I find the whole thing creepy and disturbing.

It's not. But any woman with this fetish also has serious issues. You can bet she suffered trauma as a child or has a terrible relationship with her own father.

fairly common ... not common
and fantasy ... not necessarily reality

And you don't think bdsm is mainstream these days either? But is a 'niche sexual practice'?

Hate to tell you, but bdsm is pretty normalised these days, they even make films and books about it. You may have heard of Fifty Shades? Enormously popular with women, I understand - weird hey. Plotline apparently involves man tying up virgin and sexually abusing her. Who'd have thought women would enjoy that plotline!! Ageplay at least involves a more caring variant of the same!

As I said, ageplay isn't my thing and I wouldn't end up dating someone who was into it, unlike op, but I wonder what they saw in each other to begin with?

Horrible.

I think this is very common and probably counsellors would have a million explanations. However it's not that unusual and the people that assume this leads to paedophilia are probably the same people that assume video game violence leads to physical violence. At the end of the day if it's between consenting adults who cares?

Between consenting adults? No weirder than women removing their pubic hair, and so look and feel like pre-pubescent girls. Which is the current norm, I hear.

Or any of the myriad other ways that women allow society to infantilise us, fetishise us and place us in subservient, submissive, subjugated roles.

Yes. I find this so weird. Especially as I am Irish and call my daddy daddy. Everyone I know does and it is not remotely a thing connected to being under age.