Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

[BrocoliTrees]

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

[Yourcatisnotsorry]

Wedding but make a fuss of grandchild early morning on their birthday. Unless the birthday party plans had already been arranged/committed to. Weddings trump birthdays.

[MissMarplesGoddaughter]

@BrocoliTrees

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

As a DGM and MiL, I would definitely be celebrating my DGC's birthday with the rest of family. Birthdays when you are little are so special, I would hate to miss a single one. My DGC would definitely come first every time.

[Kite22]

I found your comment OTT and cruel. You don’t even know the OP stop being so unkind

Seems a bit over dramatic.
You don't have to agree with @WeepingSomnambulist 's opinion (which I think was spot on, as it happens) but your response is somewhat excessive.

[averageavocado]

Wedding

[theleafandnotthetree]

I missed both of my children's birthdays last year (on the same week) because I was away with work. I didn't even think of it when I agreed to the dates. So I think you can guess where I fall on this one. I always say I am a 365 days a year parent, I have never made a big fuss of birthdays, Chrstmas but like to think that most of the time, my children actively know I like them, value them and love them. I know plenty of parents who lavish gifts on their children, hold huge parties and are never to be seen doing the ordinary, everyday trips to the playground and that sort of thing which to me at least, are much more important. And yes, I know the two are not mutually exclusive!

[walkingismedicine]

@DappledThings

Weddings trump birthdays. I would be going to the wedding.

Agree!

[oosha]

@LuckySantangelo35

@oosha

ummm cos wedding is once in a lifetime but kids have a birthday every year. Six isn’t even a milestone birthday . And as a few other pp’s have said., the op may not be best judge of who is and isn’t close friends to her in laws

People get married and divorced all the time, it doesn’t seem to mean much these days. But your grandchild is your grandchild for life. I would personally choose to be with my grandchild but for lots of reasons, for me family comes first. Others are welcome to do what they feel is right for them.

[Pinkfluff76]

Birthday!
Can’t believe all this people who would go to a not close friends wedding over a grandchild’s birthday. If they were 2 and don’t really understand then maybe maybe, but six is such a cool age for a kid!

[PlasticCupPolitics]

This thread is batshit, I’m genuinely shocked that some people are saying they’d prioritise a six year old’s birthday party over a wedding.

I am really close to my parents and they see my children weekly, really lovely relationship but if they had been invited to a wedding I’d actively be encouraging them to attend that rather than a birthday party for a child. Birthday parties are boring for adults. They can see them another day or in the morning and give gifts, shower with love etc etc.

My in-laws moved 3.5 hours away, my kids still know them and love them despite only seeing them a few times a year, it’s no big deal.

[WildfellAnne]

@Pinkfluff76

Birthday!
Can’t believe all this people who would go to a not close friends wedding over a grandchild’s birthday. If they were 2 and don’t really understand then maybe maybe, but six is such a cool age for a kid!

Six-year-olds don’t want their grandparents at their party! At best, they would tolerate them in the background.

[IWishIHadNotDoneIt]

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim

WTF. Why should someone tie themselves down for grandchildren?

Because they are my GC. I want to watch them grow up and be part of their lives. I had a great relationship with my DGM and I want that with my DGC.

[Dave20]

Surely spending time with a grandchild doesn’t necessarily mean on a birthday ? I’ve taken children to 6th birthdays before and never noticed grandparents there, just loads of hyper kids!
If you’ve committed to a wedding, presumably they’ve already paid for your place and expecting you to be there?
Seeing a grandchild before or after their birthday is absolutely fine if you have other plans. I honestly couldn’t get worked up over a childs 6th birthday party!

[Dave20]

@IWishIHadNotDoneIt

Because they are my GC. I want to watch them grow up and be part of their lives. I had a great relationship with my DGM and I want that with my DGC.

Yes but missing a birthday party doesn’t take that away does it? There’s 364 other days in the year.

[Mingot]

Wedding of course.

My parents never came (or were invited ) to my DCs bday parties. Can't imagine why they'd want to go when it was full of over excited kids.

[BrocoliTrees]

@Chatterbuginabox

i understand how you can feel hurt by them choosing the wedding, however that is their choice and parties for young children are usually not fun for adults in my experience (when compared to a wedding).

You mentioned in a post that they only come over in bad weather. have GPs reached a milestone where they are trying to make the most of their health whilst they can? My parents went through this phase but were always here/there everywhere except with us! My kids were young (babies even) then, and we would have kept them back from all the exploring/adventures. I thought it a shame at the time but now they have lost their mobility/health so are home always. I pop round and despite the distance in the early years, the kids are still very bonded with them. I reflect back on that time and i’m so glad they enjoyed themselves because they are so frail now, those trips really were their last chance to do what wanted to do, before kicking the bucket x

@Chatterbuginabox yeh, you could be right there, sounds very similar to us. Inlaws are relatively young (I think) in their late 50s. Maybe they are trying to do persue their dreams now.

[WildfellAnne]

@IWishIHadNotDoneIt

Because they are my GC. I want to watch them grow up and be part of their lives. I had a great relationship with my DGM and I want that with my DGC.

What’s that got to do with intruding on their birthday party?

[MagsR2356]

Wedding and see gc before or after

[BrocoliTrees]

@Livelovebehappy

With situations like this, it would help to see their side - only because you say they were very involved initially, but now aren’t. Maybe something happened which upset them? It seems the relationship has broken down for some reason.

@Livelovebehappy it's so hard to say exactly. Dh has mental health problems and they don't know how to support him so they keep him at arms length. They are the sort of people where they don't want to know about life's problems because in their world, 'everything is fine'. Dh and I don't fit into this mindset and I think that has caused more of a wedge between us all.

[Flippingnora100]

I would prioritize whatever I felt most compelled by and drawn to. If I wanted to prioritize the grandchild's 6th, I would not say yes to the wedding. If I wanted to prioritize the wedding, I'd celebrate the grandchild's 6th with them on another day. I don't think there's any right or wrong, as long as no one gets cancelled on.

[Mrangrylivesnextdoor]

If moving away I’d spend the day with grandchild, they’re family,! the wedding isn’t even a close friend .

[Xmasbaby11]

Wedding, for sure. My dc are 8 and 10 and their gp are involved in their lives and see them regularly, but not always for birthdays. I'm sure if I asked, they wouldn't remember which birthdays they saw their gps. I certainly can't. Birthdays can be celebrated in lots of ways and generally involve a party with friends at that age. A wedding is different as it's a one-off.

[Ivyr0se]

Birthday

[Kjpt140v]

No brained, child's birthday.

[hiredandsqueak]

@BrocoliTrees It's sad but true that no other person finds your children as endearing as you do not even their grandparents and I say that as a Granny who does childcare for her dgs. They most likely feel, as I do, that they have done their time caring for children and want to pursue their own interests now. I imagine the move away is to enable them to take a step back without being scrutinised and guilt tripped into being more present in the gc's lives than they want to. As for wanting to spend time at a six year old's birthday party I'd rather have a root canal treatment never mind attending a wedding tbh. The six year old will want to spend time with their friends running round, making a load of noise and stuffing their faces with crap. They don't want or need Granny and Grandpa there to witness it

[Flippingnora100]

PS I get it that it's sad if grandparents aren't that into their grandchildren. My mum was amazing, but died when my DC were young. My dad is way more wrapped up in his own life as are both grandparents on the other side. We all live in different countries though. Everyone's different. At least with grandparents like that, you don't have to feel a sense of duty and pressure towards them. I have stopped flying my whole family to see relatives if they don't make much effort, unless we actually want to.

Ultimately, grandparents didn't bring their grandkids into the world so it's up to them how involved they want to be. Our job as parents is to make sure our kids get their needs met, regardless of who else is invested.