Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 21/09/2022 07:58

I'd prioritise wedding.

However, I would never move to the other end of the country from my grandkids. It happened to us and I was mightily pissed off when they moved.

SuperCamp · 21/09/2022 07:58

Wedding.

And see child the day after.

For a 6th birthday. If it was the first, or one of the milestone birthdays and there was a family party, I would prioritise / check that first.

cushioncovers · 21/09/2022 07:59

Wedding. Then when you are settled into new house arrange a time for grandchild to visit and stay with grandparents.

SuperCamp · 21/09/2022 07:59

Is this MIL, OP?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 21/09/2022 07:59

I don't think my dm or dmil would even consider the 6 year olds birthday and if they did I'd set them right. My mom would probably try and sneak in before the wedding for a present and a hug.

properdoughnut · 21/09/2022 08:00

Wedding.

Are you the grandparent?

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2022 08:00

Is prioritise the wedding. They can see the child on another day. They must be fairly close friends if going to the wedding.

How far are they moving away?

Devo1818 · 21/09/2022 08:00

Birthday (but I'm not a huge fan of weddings tbh)

Original poster
BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:00

The2Omicronnies · 21/09/2022 07:55

It would depend on the relationship. My own parents, I know, would absolutely check in and likely miss the wedding. My in laws wouldn’t even consider the child’s birthday

@The2Omicronnies this is exactly the situation. My parents want to be part of their grandchild's birthday. With my inlaws, it's sad that their grandchildren aren't a priority. Not just this, lots of other things too.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/09/2022 08:00

Wedding. Doesn't a 6yo have a birthday party with friends, rather than family? I mean it's nice if they can attend, but it's not really expected at that age.

Original poster
BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:01

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2022 08:00

Is prioritise the wedding. They can see the child on another day. They must be fairly close friends if going to the wedding.

How far are they moving away?

@NNerrSnerr 5 hours. We have a baby too.

OP posts:
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 21/09/2022 08:01

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2022 07:58

I'd prioritise wedding.

However, I would never move to the other end of the country from my grandkids. It happened to us and I was mightily pissed off when they moved.

WTF. Why should someone tie themselves down for grandchildren?

rosiebl · 21/09/2022 08:01

Always found it weird that my parents insist on coming to my kids parties; especially the 7 year old. They are kids parties for kids. The adults just happen to need to be there to supervise / taxi.
I would prioritise the wedding.

Kinderbuenos · 21/09/2022 08:01

Wedding. As a grandparent you also need to be careful about over prioritising grandchildren. You have your own life and as important as they are you can take them out for a special birthday treat any day around the date

Roselilly36 · 21/09/2022 08:01

I agree, wedding, who’s to say the grandchild will have a party on their actual birthday.

properdoughnut · 21/09/2022 08:01

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:00

@The2Omicronnies this is exactly the situation. My parents want to be part of their grandchild's birthday. With my inlaws, it's sad that their grandchildren aren't a priority. Not just this, lots of other things too.

Show quote history

Invite them round another day?

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 21/09/2022 08:01

Another one for wedding! By 6 most families I know have stopped inviting the grandparents to the party and celebrate with them separately - with tea together after school or cake with lunch at the weekend.

What time is the wedding? If it was afternoon, I might drop presents round in the morning but I would still go to the wedding - particularly if that invite came first!

Lyricallie · 21/09/2022 08:01

Of course the wedding. Birthday celebrations can happen a different day doesn't have to be on the exact birthday date whereas the wedding date can't be changed.

mrsed1987 · 21/09/2022 08:02

My parents would miss the wedding.

My in laws have seen my nearly 4 year old 3 times in his life. Not even sure they would know his birthday if I'm honest, so they would go to the wedding.

scrivette · 21/09/2022 08:02

Wedding.
Grandparents often see the DC the day before or after their birthday, the DC don't mind as it extends their birthday celebrations.

TulipsTwoLips · 21/09/2022 08:02

I would want my mum to go to a wedding rather than a six year old's birthday.

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2022 08:02

Ok you have a baby too. How many years are you expecting them to put a hold on their lives for you? Would they be allowed to move in 10 years? 20? Never?

andtheweedonkey · 21/09/2022 08:02

BonjourBonheur · 21/09/2022 07:52

I’d prioritise the wedding and do something special with the child another day. Birthdays are less important than weddings- you literally get one every year.

^ this.

starrynight21 · 21/09/2022 08:02

I've got grandchildren and no I don't always see them on their birthdays - maybe when they were tiny I did, but as they got older it was less likely. I'm more likely to take them to the pictures or out for lunch, a couple of days before or after the birthday. I'm always aware that kids like to have their friends over, grandma not so much.

Why don't you ring your mother and ask her to come over and have a birthday meal with the 6 year old ? Or suggest that she takes them out for a movie and lunch ?

properdoughnut · 21/09/2022 08:03

Why does it annoy you so much?