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Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:

BobbysGirly · 21/09/2022 08:34

I can see my GC anytime. I have them twice a week for their parents to work. In this scenario I’d call to theirs the day before the child’s birthday with a card and a present (maybe a small birthday cake). Then go to the friends wedding on the date.

If I could afford to move to the countryside I would. The GC can visit me whenever they wanted to. Maybe their parents would drop everything to visit on my birthday? It works both ways OP.


BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:35

SmallPrawnEnergy · 21/09/2022 08:30

knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.
But you didn’t check they were free either. It works both ways I’m afraid OP, if their presence is so important you check dates yourself.

However since you’re only replying to people who agree with you it’s clear you’re not interested in seeing their side of things. You’re very annoyed they’re moving and also very annoyed they don’t subscribe to the same level of grand parenting as your parents, and this “snub” has tipped you over the edge. But you need to realise that, despite how you feel about it, grandparents are not obligated to shower your children in time, affection and presents. They’re allowed to move away to enjoy retirement and if that means taking a step back from the family after many hard years slogging thorough parenting then that’s ok, they’re allowed to be happy.

How does their son feel about this, or do you speak for him too?

@SmallPrawnEnergy true, I didn't and yes maybe I should have down. They will be on holiday for 3 weeks until the day before the party then they move 2 days after so it's not easy.

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 21/09/2022 08:36


What if you have a number of grandchildren, are you just meant to decline all invitations and avoid making all plans around the time of their birthdays for the next 18 years?


scrufffy · 21/09/2022 08:36

You've had other threads about this. It's your MIL and a step father isn't it?


whumpthereitis · 21/09/2022 08:36

Are these the ones that held off on telling you about the move because they knew full well you’d kick off? The ones that are already providing care to an elderly relative, and moving to a house they already own? And this is like your hundredth thread about it?

bet they’re counting the fucking days at this point.


DuggeeHugPlease · 21/09/2022 08:36

Wedding definitely. I didn't even invite grandparents to the big class party we did for a 5th birthday. We saw grandparents separately for cake at home but could easily do that on a different date.


Nottodaty · 21/09/2022 08:37

wedding does trump birthday party.

We don’t live near either grandparents, so we’ve never had support/childcare locally - so I’ve never expected it or experienced it!


Tomorrowisalatterday · 21/09/2022 08:37

We would have had more communication all round.

I usually text my parents the planned date well in advance, if they flagged that they had a wedding to go to, I would either change the date if it was easy to do so or they wouldn't come


madasawethen · 21/09/2022 08:37

I'd prioritise my grandchild's birthday over a wedding of a not so close friend.


Holidaydreamingagain · 21/09/2022 08:37

why on earth would anyone prioritise a 6th birthday party over a wedding? That would be nuts, birthday's happen every year and even if they're moving they could come to another birthday. I would think my parents had lost the plot if they came to my child's birthday party (other than maybe a first birthday) over a wedding


antelopevalley · 21/09/2022 08:37

Grandparents can be loving and involved. But you have to realise that being a grandparent is not their only role in life. They are also a brother or sister, parent, friend, work colleague and spouse.
I also would not be staying in a part of a country I do not want to unless my adult children really needed me.

I have seen this play out in my own extended family. One in-law in particular who only sees everyone through the eye of how they relate to their child. It is tediously self-centred.


StoppinBy · 21/09/2022 08:38


I'm feel strongly that birthday parties are important for Grandparents to attend but I would expect them to attend the wedding.

The wedding is a one off event.


DisforDarkChocolate · 21/09/2022 08:38

I'd go to the wedding. A special treat would be planned with the grandchild because by 6 I would expect the party to be focused on school friends not family.


properdoughnut · 21/09/2022 08:39

Can you even try to see if from the other point of view? Your kids aren't the centre of their lives.


womaninatightspot · 21/09/2022 08:39

Wedding, kids parties at that age are something for adults to endure not enjoy. Much nicer to have a special birthday treat for grandchild at a different time. Even just going out for cake/ hot chocolates at a cafe feels special when you are six.


Kissingfrogs25 · 21/09/2022 08:39

It sounds like you are expecting both sets of gps to drop everything.

It’s quite disrespectful to not check the dates with them, if you expect them to be there.

The sun doesn’t revolve around your son op.

I wonder if they are moving away to reduce their exposure to such an overbearing expectation on their own lives. I would find your set up stifling to say the least.


Mrsjayy · 21/09/2022 08:41

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:00

@The2Omicronnies this is exactly the situation. My parents want to be part of their grandchild's birthday. With my inlaws, it's sad that their grandchildren aren't a priority. Not just this, lots of other things too.

The other end of the country isn't mars, they are entitled to move house and go to a wedding,


H1Drangea · 21/09/2022 08:41

Grandchild’s birthday
when I’m lucky enough to have grandchildren , they will be a priority and I’d be moving closer ( it’s ok DIL , not next door ) not further away
Its Faaamily ( in my Eastenders voice )


Lalalalalalaa · 21/09/2022 08:43

It depends on the grandparent I think. I know for a fact my parents would prioritise our child's birthday because they are heavily involved and just absolutely dote on him. My husband's parents would likely prioritise the wedding. Neither would be wrong, just different.

I personally think if I was moving away, I'd want to spend the day with my grandchildren if it was unlikely I'd see them for many birthdays after that.


WimpoleHat · 21/09/2022 08:43

I think you’re being a big unreasonable here when you consider that they were actually invited to the wedding and you hadn’t invited them to the party yet. If you’d invited them to your DC’s birthday, they’d accepted and then blown you out, I can see why you’d be upset. But there are always threads on here of “interfering MIL insisting on seeing DCs on their actual birthdays when we just want a family day with just the four of us”. They may have assumed there wasn’t to be a party or that it would be on another day. Plus - if it’s close friends, they probably really wanted to go to said wedding!


Lalalalalalaa · 21/09/2022 08:44

And I'm fairly sure my parents would contact me first to see whether I was planning anything for DS's birthday before accepting the wedding invite. But again, I don't necessarily think there is a right or wrong here. It's just different people.


Callingallskeletons · 21/09/2022 08:45

Wedding 100%

None of the grandparents have ever been to DC birthday parties, infact 1 set quite often book holidays over them (they are very hands on and see DC weekly all year round)


Getofftheladder · 21/09/2022 08:46

Grandparents go to 6th Birthdays?

wedding wins for sure here.


Orchidflower1 · 21/09/2022 08:46

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:35

@SmallPrawnEnergy true, I didn't and yes maybe I should have down. They will be on holiday for 3 weeks until the day before the party then they move 2 days after so it's not easy.

@BrocoliTrees i feel @SmallPrawnEnergy has summed it up perfectly. The party/ wedding scenario is actually a red herring. You are miffed they’re moving. However, you still haven’t said how your dh feels. Do your in laws have other dgc too? Are they likely to?


JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/09/2022 08:47

The wedding is the priority. A 6 year old probably wouldn't care less if grandparents were there or not.

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