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Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:

NeedAHoliday2021 · 21/09/2022 08:14


my dc have wonderful grandparents who would send gifts and call on the actual day but would celebrate when they next see them. We do birthdays just us most years depending on what works. Grandparents can adore their grandchildren without being there on their birthday. You seem bonkers to me but every family is different.


Fraine · 21/09/2022 08:15

Miss a wedding (where I’d see all my friends) for a child’s birthday party to watch him run around with other 6yos? No chance.

This stuff is meaningful for the parents, not necessarily for anyone else.


Squeezedsquash · 21/09/2022 08:15

I doubt 3/4 of my children’s grandparents even know the dates of their grandchild’s birthday. (I’m not sure my Dad would ever remember mine to be honest). Of course you go to a wedding over a child’s birthday party.

it’s a sad fact that grandparents have different levels of interest in their grandchild’s life. When you have two sets who behave very differently it is hard to juggle and keep adjusting expectations but neither are unusual.


Kinderbuenos · 21/09/2022 08:16

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:07

@Mosaic123 my parents feel the same as you. I find it sad that so many grandparents don't feel this way too.

This is a really unhealthy attitude, caring from grandchildren, living close, being involved is all normal but the idea that they are your everything and your number 1 priority on every occasion is actually a bit pathetic.


BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:16

toomuchlaundry · 21/09/2022 08:10

Why are they moving?

@toomuchlaundry retiring to a countryside location

OP posts:

Anonymouseposter · 21/09/2022 08:16

I would go to the wedding but visit grandchild as close as possible to the birthday with my present.


diddl · 21/09/2022 08:16

Hmmmwhatnametochoose · 21/09/2022 08:11

I dislike weddings so would be pleased to have an excuse not to go.

You can just decline-no excuse needed!


CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/09/2022 08:18

I’d prioritise the wedding as a one off event and see the child another day. Grandparents aren’t always at children’s birthday parties anyway.


LetItGoHome · 21/09/2022 08:18

I'd priorities the wedding definitely. You sound disgruntled about the move?
People move for many reasons and I presume they have their own reasons. It's quite normal for families to be spread around.


polkadotclip · 21/09/2022 08:19

I would ask the parents in law when they are free to celebrate the child's birthday and arrange the date for then.

Self-evidently a wedding, for which an invitation has already been received, takes precedence over a birthday party.


DifficultBloodyWoman · 21/09/2022 08:19


Hands down and no question.

DH and I live sone distance from his grandchildren. We can’t afford to fly or drive down 5 times a year. We call them on their birthdays and send a card. Until recently we sent presents too. But we’ve recently decided to do days out instead. So, when we do go down, we have special birthday celebrations with them. We pick them up from their parents and have a celebration breakfast wherever they want. Then we go to a them park or a special activity with the older children (most recently an all day go karting thing), then lunch or dinner at their choice of restaurant. Depending on the child, this could be Mac Donald’s or something much, much fancier. Basically, they get to do whatever they want and we pay for it.

From my perspective, the best bit is a chance to spend one on one time with each child doing what they want to do and are interested in. It helps me know them and stay in touch with their interests better.


BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:20

We're having it at home because dc has special needs and it's a better environment for him, not too overwhelming. There won't be too many other children as again, we want to keep it manageable for him. Dc is close to these grandparents.

OP posts:

Lalliella · 21/09/2022 08:20

If I was the one getting married and a couple who had already accepted the invitation then said they can’t come because of a 6yo’s party I’d be really annoyed and offended. They can see the 6yo anytime for their birthday.

Why did you arrange the party for a date they were going to a wedding? Surely if their presence there is that important to you, you would have checked they were available on that date before arranging it.

YABVU OP. It looks like you’re just trying to find reasons to dislike your ILs.


Cascais · 21/09/2022 08:20



Bookworm777 · 21/09/2022 08:21

Wedding. It's a sixth birthday, not particularly significant, and it can be marked on another day. It doesn't mean I'm any less a loving grandparent by attending something else.


Flossie2shoes · 21/09/2022 08:21

I'd prioritise the wedding. That was the first invite and it's not the end of the world to not physically see a grandchild on their birthday. I'd possibly facetime them at some point. I would see them another day to give a present.
This is not a very big country, so no drama about moving to "another part" of it. There comes a point in life where older people are entitled to and should put themselves first.


boatahoy · 21/09/2022 08:21

I'd prioritise the wedding and see grandchild day before or after the birthday. As pp said you get one birthday per year to celebrate and more often than not celebrations are not always on the actual day of the birthday. You could pop over on the morning of the birthday if wedding is local? Even if moving away there's nothing stopping you taking some leave around your grandchild's birthday and travelling to see them on the day.


hedgehoglurker · 21/09/2022 08:21

OP doesn't seem to have confirmed whether or not it is the child's birthday, or just their party. Are they intending to see the child on their actual birthday? Or at any point close to their birthday?


Wilkolampshade · 21/09/2022 08:22

Wedding, because its a one off, (hopefully!)
It seems that's what the vast majority of people think so too OP. And it's not 'sad', it's rational. Your parents can spend a different special day with your LO.


properdoughnut · 21/09/2022 08:22

Is your spouse- their child, even bothered about this?


Kissingfrogs25 · 21/09/2022 08:23

Wedding of course! And celebrate the child’s birthday the following day.

You are putting way too much pressure on this relationship op. The GPs do not have to constantly prioritise your child over all else. Nor should they stop following their dreams of living in the country if that is what they want to do.

They have their own lives op, that are just as important as yours and your son. You are going to ruin this relationship, resentment isn’t healthy.

Your child is your priority full stop - it’s not everyone’s!


LetItGoHome · 21/09/2022 08:23

Could the party be on another day if it's very important the grandparents are there? We normally celebrate ours one weekend either side of the actual birthday, depending on everyone's plans. I certainly wouldn't expect everyone to clear their diaries for it.


NerrSnerr · 21/09/2022 08:23

Are you able to arrange to see the grandparents on a different day?

I get why you're upset about them moving but it's their life. If they wait for your baby to turn 18 (or future grandchildren) it'll probably be too late to move. What if you moved?


Bobbins36 · 21/09/2022 08:23

wedding, having already accepted an invitation. Birthdays come around every year and nothing to say they can’t exchange gifts and see grandchild on another day.


EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/09/2022 08:23

I don't always see gc on the day of their birthday, depends what they are doing. I'd choose the wedding .

I wouldn't move far away from the gc though and I see them every week. One of them I look after while her parents are at work

It's ridiculous that that you seem to think going to the wedding somehow means they don't care as much as your parents

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