To be on the deeds of the house

[Unicornetto]

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

Your partner seems pretty happy for you to have no financial protection. Does he pay into a pension for you?

Of course you should. You work part time because you're raising your joint children. He is telling you he expects to waltz off with 100% of the house if you split. Do not sign it.

You are in a vulnerable position as have no rights all here I think. He is being very selfish and probably knows what he is doing

It sounds like he plans to leave you at some point.

Does he have a will?

If you agreed 5 years ago I can see why he doesn't want to change things now. It's expensive. But ask him where your financial protection is.

You're incredibly vulnerable if you're not on the deeds.

The answer is yes you should but if he doesn't value your contribution to your family then he probably won't agree. Don't sign the declaration and tell him that you either leave and start building a life for yourself and he will need to start paying child maintenance or you marry or you are put on the deeds and mortgage. Frankly though, if he doesn't care about you enough to want you to have financial security then probably option one is the way to go.

Most posters on this site will say you can or should 'add yourself' to the deeds, or insist on it and just do it

Its not that simple if you have a mortgage. Lenders generally dont like other adults being on the deeds if they are not also on the mortgage

There is no reason why you shouldnt be part of the mortgage, it makes no odds if you dont have your own income but bear in mind of course that you become liable for the debt too

But if the lender wont allow you on the deeds without being on the mortgage then you'll need to remortgage. Some lenders might be ok but you'll need to check this, I would seek legal advice on your own first.

His actions dont really make sense...

I despair at posts like this. Don't you value yourself op? After 15 years you are asking this question? You took care of your child while he progressed, the very least he could do is make sure you have a roof over your head. Do you realise he could kick you out and you have no recourse, and thats partly your own doing?

I'd get back to FT work and save your money.

You're in a really vulnerable place.

So he has a house, presumably a pension and full time salary and someone to look after his DC for free.
What do you have?

And he's chatting crap about not being on the mortgage because you're not earning.

What will you do if he refuses?

He doesn’t “believe” in marriage?
Its a legal contract not bloody Fairies or Father Christmas. He has nothing to lose by not being married, you do, A LOT

You should be on the mortgage, it doesn't matter if you are not earning. You have zero protection if you have signed that declaration whether you are married or not. Please sort it out soon x

Ask him to pay you backdated salary for all the years you spent off work or part-time taking care of HIS children. Including pension payments and compensation for reduced earnings potential. What an arsehole. And urgently get some good financial and legal advise. He's screwing you over.

This.

It's not that he doesn't believe in it. He doesn't want to marry you.

If he is currently remortgaging then you apply as a joint borrower. Completion will not take place without the occupiers declaration that you are required to sign. Your income is not needed as he can clearly satisfy the affordability criteria but if you have outstanding credit in your name and are a joint borrower then this will impact on the amount that can be borrowed as the total income will need to deduct the required payments. As a sole applicant any debt in your sole name will not be included in any calculations. The only issue the lender would have is if you have adverse credit which may mean you could not be added but this would depend on each lenders own lending criteria.

Did he declare his dependents OP in the mortgage application?

Even if you were married you should get your name on there. You are so incredibly vulnerable if he leaves you. Get back to full time work. He can work around the kids and get a part time job. He's basically used you as childcare.

Yup. Invoice him

Please wake up op. You as a grown, adult need to take responsibility for yourself. You shouldn't be asking this question after 15 years. You have sleepwalked and stayed in a very vulnerable situation. Now that you know how shaky ground you stand on, what will you do?

I feel sorry for you OP. I just could not bring myself share a bed with a man like yours.

You need to be on the deeds and the mortgage. I was a SAHM for years and have always been on the mortgage and deeds. I wouldn't have stayed with my husband if this hadn't been the case.

He said he doesn't believe in marriage

Why not? It's not about being modern because he's happy with a very old fashioned kind of childcare setup.

He said he doesn't believe in marriage

Yeah I bet he doesn't. He doesn't believe in letting the woman bearing and caring for his children have any financial protection either.

Get yourself some financial advice for yourself and the child. Of course you should be on the deeds or he should be paying you for childcare and housekeeping responsibilities with appropriate pension contributions.

Also get yourself back into regular work, he will need to step up his home responsibilities or share the costs of making that possible.

Incidentally he doesn't have to get married - there is an alternative for men who don't believe in marriage - its the civil contract which is now available for heterosexual couples.