Page 5 | To be on the deeds of the house

Andypandy799 · 20/09/2022 20:46

BF is senior risk analyst at virgin money and you do not need to work at all to be on the mortgage as others have said already.

he can pay the childcare as you have done your share for x years.

I would give him an ultimatum as regardless of wether he wants to get married or not you don’t want to have two teenage kids and no home if/when he gets his midlife crisis.

smh at how he thinks this is reasonable!

Norma27 · 20/09/2022 20:47

He is being an arsehole. I bought my house before I got with my husband: I have never actually put him on the deeds, but we understand now that as we are married he is entitled to half.
if we weren’t married, I would have him on the deeds or get something legal for him. During our 20 yrs together I earned more, he earned more, I earned nothing.
Your partner is being an arse:

Testina · 20/09/2022 20:50

“How is it possible to work and pay for childcare for 3 children and organise childcare in the school holidays? I feel like it's impossible to get on my feet and stuck earning a crap part time wage”

Ask your boyfriend?
He manages it.

I’m not just being facetious. The answer is because he relies on the other parent. So there’s your answer - rely on him. You both need to be involved in covering childcare, so that you can work.

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 20:50

Do you know if he believed that your lack of income would affect the mortgage application?

When he gets annoyed when you ask him about the deeds and he reminds you you're not on the mortgage is he being obstructive about discussion about remortgaging with you on the mortgage or is he simply believing that theres nothing you can do about it now?

Its important to get an idea of his actual understanding, you wouldnt believe the amount of people who dont actually understand mortgages.

If he has literally just remortaged and its gone through, then to remortgage again now might incur some fees.

maddiemookins16mum · 20/09/2022 20:50

I despair at some women who allow themselves (yes, they do), to be shafted financially like this. Ask yourself this Op, would you encourage your own child to do this?

Testina · 20/09/2022 20:53

“a great dad”

Always a great dad… great dads are good men, who don’t fuck their girlfriends over for bringing up their children.

Hardball. Explain to him that you have no protection in this arrangement and that your reduced hours have enabled him to earn. Make him look you in the eye and tell you that you are not his partner in parenting. Shame the fucker, if you can.

snowbellsxox · 20/09/2022 20:54

I would be fuming
I'm in the same position as you and I'm on both the mortgage and deeds only difference is it comes out my fiancé's account!
He's been sneaky with this !!!

Squirrelly1 · 20/09/2022 20:55

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 20:46

Wasn't expecting so many comments. Thanks all for your feedback.
We've had 3 children over the last 10 years, and privately rented. I worked full time until I had my first child and then reduced my hours and gave up my job after having my 2nd child due to the cost of childcare for a baby and a 2 year old. After the 2nd child I worked casual jobs waitressing, cleaning etc to avoid childcare costs. I now have two jobs and work 25 hours a week, but one of them is self employed and i havent done my first year tax return yet so thats the reason I thought i couldnt go on the mortgage but it appears thats not the case and I can?! My partner has 2 jobs, he's very hard working and a great dad. I really love him and wouldn't want to leave him!
He borrowed the money for the deposit and saved some.
I feel so sad and gullible after reading the comments, have just been getting on with life and feel stupid I'm in this position. Didn't think I would get such a response.
I really would like to work full time but would struggle with finding childcare in the school holidays, how do people manage this?

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You need to consider this before having children, no one likes to hear this.
As others have said the responsibility for childcare should be joint, as kids grow and start school the financial burden lessens a little. You need to share all responsibilities where the children are concerned. Any decent partner would see you as an equal and not want to leave you financially disadvantaged. It’s not too late, but you must insist he provides some financial security.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2022 20:56

If he's such a great dad he'll want to protect the mother of his children. Quick registry office job.

Calmdown14 · 20/09/2022 21:01

People aren't saying you have to work full time OP.

They are saying that if he will not marry you or put you on the mortgage or deeds then you need to in order to protect your future.

Being a SAHM is fine provided you have the financial security marriage brings. If he doesn't want marriage then he'll have to work out a solution to childcare instead.

Otherwise you take all the risks for none of the benefits

TraceyGerbil · 20/09/2022 21:03

Newsflash: the cost of child care comes out of both of your salaries in proportion to what you earn, and it is the responsibility of both of you to sort it out, and school holidays. Not just you.

He really saw you coming, didn’t he? No salary, doing all the child care and signing away your rights to what you think is your home.

And he doesn’t want to marry you.

Original poster

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 21:03

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 20:50

Do you know if he believed that your lack of income would affect the mortgage application?

When he gets annoyed when you ask him about the deeds and he reminds you you're not on the mortgage is he being obstructive about discussion about remortgaging with you on the mortgage or is he simply believing that theres nothing you can do about it now?

Its important to get an idea of his actual understanding, you wouldnt believe the amount of people who dont actually understand mortgages.

If he has literally just remortaged and its gone through, then to remortgage again now might incur some fees.

Yes I think he thinks that it would affect it as I don't earn enough. Now I know that I can be on the deeds I will make this clear to him and see what he says. It hasn't gone through yet.

OP posts:

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 21:07

maddiemookins16mum · 20/09/2022 20:50

I despair at some women who allow themselves (yes, they do), to be shafted financially like this. Ask yourself this Op, would you encourage your own child to do this?

I simply don’t understand this. It’s like she’s some object with no personal choice; the only person who financially shafted her is her. No 0ne forced her to have three kids and give up her job. Not from what she’s said so far.

Username112233 · 20/09/2022 21:08

As a mortgage advisor and broker, it easy enough to for you to be on the mortgage/not the deeds and vice versa

If the mortgage is affordable in his name with the kids, then it's likely it will be affordable with you on it as well. You can be on a mortgage even if you're income isn't used: you're not classed as a dependent as you earn.

Alternatively, you can be on the deeds and not the mortgage. You would need a solicitor for this as you'll both need independent financial advice

Regardless, it will cost you money for a solicitor as there is additional legal work required to register the charge and the deeds

Is the cost maybe something that's stopping him?

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 21:08

Testina · 20/09/2022 20:53

“a great dad”

Always a great dad… great dads are good men, who don’t fuck their girlfriends over for bringing up their children.

Hardball. Explain to him that you have no protection in this arrangement and that your reduced hours have enabled him to earn. Make him look you in the eye and tell you that you are not his partner in parenting. Shame the fucker, if you can.

So just scrap any idea of sitting down and sorting the situation out.

This is awful advice.

Dacadactyl · 20/09/2022 21:09

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 21:07

I simply don’t understand this. It’s like she’s some object with no personal choice; the only person who financially shafted her is her. No 0ne forced her to have three kids and give up her job. Not from what she’s said so far.

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I honestly think lots of people think there is such a thing as common law wife, or that if you live together you are somehow protected. They don't realise they're wrong until its too late.

Questionaboutjoboffer · 20/09/2022 21:09

I was married (so in a better position I know) and had something similar in that my (in my case emotionally abusive) exh was adamant I wouldn’t go on the deeds of our house. There was also no discussion of wills or life insurance or anything really.

After 22 years of being together (16 of them married) and 3 dc that I was a SAHM to (I worked before and after), he still believed that everything was his. It was a horrible feeling - of somehow not mattering.

I also used to contribute by doing the food shopping and buying other things - as if that somehow mattered less and his money actually counted. 😡 Just projecting a bit here OP sorry - I know that your situation will be different.

(Anyway we are now divorced and our assets have been more or less equally split down the middle - and I feel much better.)

Would your partner agree to getting married if you told him how important it is to you?

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 21:10

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 21:03

Yes I think he thinks that it would affect it as I don't earn enough. Now I know that I can be on the deeds I will make this clear to him and see what he says. It hasn't gone through yet.

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Dont get muddled up between deeds and mortgage

You need to make a joint mortgage application, if its not gone through you need to be added to the current application

Once that is agreed then the solicitor will arrange the deeds etc

Do you have wills in respect of each other?

BecauseICan22 · 20/09/2022 21:12

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 19:04

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

Do not sign the declaration.

To be on the Deeds you have to be on the mortgage too, (only Deeds is ok if there's no mortgage), tell your DP to do the mortgage application again, this time in both your names. If he's been able to get a mortgage in his name alone, and if you have good credit but don't earn a lot, you can go on the mortgage.

My friend is going through the same thing. Her DP is on 6 figures and she earns £20,000 a year. She is now on the mortgage and the Deeds.

Legal person here, listen to what I'm saying. If you split up, your financial position is VERY precarious.

properdoughnut · 20/09/2022 21:15

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 20:23

How is it possible to work and pay for childcare for 3 children and organise childcare in the school holidays? I feel like it's impossible to get on my feet and stuck earning a crap part time wage.

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Ask your partner what he's going to do to help out.

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 21:15

Username112233 · 20/09/2022 21:08

As a mortgage advisor and broker, it easy enough to for you to be on the mortgage/not the deeds and vice versa

If the mortgage is affordable in his name with the kids, then it's likely it will be affordable with you on it as well. You can be on a mortgage even if you're income isn't used: you're not classed as a dependent as you earn.

Alternatively, you can be on the deeds and not the mortgage. You would need a solicitor for this as you'll both need independent financial advice

Regardless, it will cost you money for a solicitor as there is additional legal work required to register the charge and the deeds

Is the cost maybe something that's stopping him?

Which lenders allow you to be on the deeds but not on the mortgage?

Hankunamatata · 20/09/2022 21:16

Why did you sign a declaration of no interest in the first place?

Original poster

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 21:17

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 21:07

I simply don’t understand this. It’s like she’s some object with no personal choice; the only person who financially shafted her is her. No 0ne forced her to have three kids and give up her job. Not from what she’s said so far.

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Never occurred to me I had financially shafted myself till now! I've always felt in the past that he's worked so hard for the family and my contribution was raising the kids and doing work on the side. I could never earn the amount he earns, he is on a good wage. I just need to sort out the mortgage/marriage situation

OP posts:

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 21:18

Hankunamatata · 20/09/2022 21:16

Why did you sign a declaration of no interest in the first place?

It would have been a mortgage requirement. Lenders dont like adults living in a property if they're not the owner because if they need to repossess the house, they dont want someone saying they have an interest in the house and refusing to move out

MumCanIDoThat · 20/09/2022 21:19

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:40

Hang on. She’s a grown up. She decided to have kids, give up work etc. Unless she comes back and says this was forced on her. She has personal responsibility here. Her pension is hers to pay into.

honestly this 1950s attitude of women being incapable of being responsible f-d their own financial decisions is sickening. She knew the deal and took it. If anyone is to blame it’s her.

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THIS. Op is very much to blame for her situation. No excuse for not taking personal responsibility.