To be on the deeds of the house

[Unicornetto]

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

Civil partnership instead of marriage?

She may well be but there is no reason to keep demanding an explanation for why the OP didn't "contribute" financially to the first 10 years of the relationship as if it's fact.

also op when you do start earning, make sure you don’t spend all your money on shopping food etc, you need to be putting money away to save for your own deposit for a rainy day. That’s when you need to stand up for yourself and demand he splits those things so you’re not frittering it away. He’s got a good deal there, you fritter your money away while he spends it on his mortgage. I will tell you this arrangement didn’t happen by accident, you could’ve easily contributed to the house but he made sure your money got frittered elsewhere.
I don’t know how you put up with him for 15 years, men like that tend to be abusive/controlling in other ways so I doubt he’s lovely on a normal day.

Where does she say she was working full time until she had kids?

It’s a critical point though.

OP, why do you accept this arrangement?

I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family.

In the first post.

For goodness sake it’s right there in her op I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family

Yes when he first got the mortgage 5 years ago I had to go down as a dependents along with the 3 children as as I wasn't earning. Not this time as I have a job.

My need for varifocals is increasing!

For goodness sake calm down, I missed it ok

Don't say stuff like "She hasn't even explained WHY this thing has happened" when it may not have and "WHY she has no job" when she mentions PT work then. I'm so sick of posters speaking as if PT workers might as well not bother and it's FT or "not contributing".

How is it possible to work and pay for childcare for 3 children and organise childcare in the school holidays? I feel like it's impossible to get on my feet and stuck earning a crap part time wage.

It is incredibly difficult as a lone parent and if there are 2 of you it needs teamwork - alternating leave, pooled salaries so childcare is shared, maybe a period of breaking even or less to keep one career going. One of the many reasons we stopped at one.

Because he pays half and free nursery hours etc kicks in.

you knew the deal and chose this op.you are responsible for your own position; baby after baby is a choice.

how old are the children now?

This is why I didn't have 3 kids, bit late for you now though. How old are they?
Can you get a better job with the same hours you do now so you're not on minimum wage?

How is it possible to work and pay for childcare for 3 children and organise childcare in the school holidays? I feel like it's impossible to get on my feet and stuck earning a crap part time wage.

You make it as much his issue as yours. AS IT SHOULD BE

On the face of it the advice to only have kids outside of a marriage if you are going to go back to work full time and maintain financial independence seems sound. In reality it's not always that simple. After dc1 and then dc2 I went back to work full time. When dc3 arrived and was disabled it simply was not an option for us to both work full time. When you decide to have kids it's not a scenario many people plan for. Fortunately DH and I were married and we function as an team of equals. We've each had spells not earning and reliant on the other and other times where we earn more equally. Throughout, things like the house ownership, spending money etc are always an even split.

It's the decision to have kids without a commitment from the partner that sets up the vulnerability in the first place.

Is it something you have wanted to do, or would you prefer to remain at home with them until they go to school?

The problem (slightly because I do agree with them) with other posters going on about you must work and go back to work, is that might not be something you want to do

And thats ok, IF your partner and your finances are set up to provide for you. And if thats a willing choice you are both making but Im not getting the impression thats all been discussed and set out?

Did you contribute to the house at all by way of deposit? What was your wage being used for prior to having children? Do you have savings,, do you own anything like a car or shares or pension?

Sorry OP, I've reread and I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic. You deserve much better and as has been said above you need to make him equally responsible for the child related work and expenses if he is not prepared to make you more financially secure.

DO NOT SIGN A DECLARATION OF NO INTEREST.

Yes the house should be in both your names. YOU DO NOT NEED ANY INCOME TO HAVE THE HOUSE IN YOUR NAME. You can also be on the mortgage with zero income, I have done this quite recently. He makes 100% of the payments but mortgage and house in joint names.

He’s either an idiot or lying to you. As he’s refusing to give you the legal protections of marriage, I suspect the latter.

Get some independent legal advice about how to protect your financial position.

How is it possible to work and pay for childcare for 3 children and organise childcare in the school holidays?

Well this is why most people no longer have 3 children.

It is absolutely possible though, I know many people who do. You just use a childminder. One stop shop, drop all 3 children with CM, any older ones taken to school & younger stay with CM, CM has all 3 in school holidays. You & children's father use your annual leave (alternating where necessary) to cover periods where CM is on holiday.

Other options: there are nurseries year round for younger children & school holiday clubs for older.

It isn't possible, not in any sort of way I'd like to do it anyway. Which is why I insisted on getting married.

We weren't married when we had our first child and I refused to move in with my husband unless we got married. We both wanted me to be a SAHM but I said I wouldn't be living with him as a wife, unless he made me his wife. Daughter also took my surname until we got married.

if he doesn't agree to adding you to the house then the relationship is over.

If you know he will not give you the financial protection you need even after you raising three children at the expense of your earning, pension etc , will you ever feel secure again in the relationship?

Wasn't expecting so many comments. Thanks all for your feedback.
We've had 3 children over the last 10 years, and privately rented. I worked full time until I had my first child and then reduced my hours and gave up my job after having my 2nd child due to the cost of childcare for a baby and a 2 year old. After the 2nd child I worked casual jobs waitressing, cleaning etc to avoid childcare costs. I now have two jobs and work 25 hours a week, but one of them is self employed and i havent done my first year tax return yet so thats the reason I thought i couldnt go on the mortgage but it appears thats not the case and I can?! My partner has 2 jobs, he's very hard working and a great dad. I really love him and wouldn't want to leave him!
He borrowed the money for the deposit and saved some.
I feel so sad and gullible after reading the comments, have just been getting on with life and feel stupid I'm in this position. Didn't think I would get such a response.
I really would like to work full time but would struggle with finding childcare in the school holidays, how do people manage this?