Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be on the deeds of the house

340 replies

Unicornetto · 20/09/2022 19:04

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

OP posts:
Princessglittery · 20/09/2022 19:35

What you are being asked to sign is that the mortgage lender can legally evict you if they repossess the house. So they can legally make you homeless. Do not sign.

Great he doesn’t believe in marriage, that’s not what you are asking, you want a legal partnership so want a Civil Partnership, it’s just the same as him asking you to sign the declaration of no interest. Either he enters 8th a CP or you put him on the deeds.

Why do seemingly intelligent women give up work/career to raise children with no protection from being left homeless and penniless.

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 19:35

bbcdefg · 20/09/2022 19:14

And he's chatting crap about not being on the mortgage because you're not earning.

This.

Yes the house should be in joint names.

Princessglittery · 20/09/2022 19:36

. Either he enters 8th a CP or you put him on the deeds. That should read Either he enters a CP or puts you on the deeds.

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 19:36

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 19:11

Most posters on this site will say you can or should 'add yourself' to the deeds, or insist on it and just do it

Its not that simple if you have a mortgage. Lenders generally dont like other adults being on the deeds if they are not also on the mortgage

There is no reason why you shouldnt be part of the mortgage, it makes no odds if you dont have your own income but bear in mind of course that you become liable for the debt too

But if the lender wont allow you on the deeds without being on the mortgage then you'll need to remortgage. Some lenders might be ok but you'll need to check this, I would seek legal advice on your own first.

His actions dont really make sense...

The only lender that allows someone to be on the title but not party to the mortgage is HSBC.

In this scenario though there is absolutely no reason OP can’t be party to the mortgage and added to the title. You don’t have to have an income to be party to a mortgage.

BigEnergy · 20/09/2022 19:37

Please, please get on the deeds. My friend thought she was on hers with her partner (unmarried), turned out she wasn't then the bloke cheated on her and left her and she has absolutely no legal claim on her own house. He's now trying to sell it and all she has is his word he'll give her a share. Even if your relationship is rock solid please do legally protect yourself.

Shinyandnew1 · 20/09/2022 19:37

What a prince among men!

You are now in a very financially vulnerable position-not married, not on the mortgage, not establishing a career or pension and doing part time jobs so he doesn’t have to pay childcare. I feel really sorry for you.

What will you do if he says no?

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:40

Tibtab · 20/09/2022 19:06

Your partner seems pretty happy for you to have no financial protection. Does he pay into a pension for you?

Hang on. She’s a grown up. She decided to have kids, give up work etc. Unless she comes back and says this was forced on her. She has personal responsibility here. Her pension is hers to pay into.

honestly this 1950s attitude of women being incapable of being responsible f-d their own financial decisions is sickening. She knew the deal and took it. If anyone is to blame it’s her.

TimeForTeaAndG · 20/09/2022 19:40

So 5 years ago your partner bought a house. What had you been doing for the 10 years prior? Where did the deposit come from? Were you also saving for the house then used yours for maternity? Did you have no income because no job or just on mat leave?

Were you involved in any of the discussions about the house with the mortgage lenders? Why did you sign a declaration of no interest but still talk about how you and your partner bought a house?

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:41

Of course you should be on the deeds or he should be paying you for childcare and housekeeping responsibilities with appropriate pension contributions

amd she should then pay for fifty percent of her costs. Including rent. Guess which is higher?

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 19:42

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 19:36

The only lender that allows someone to be on the title but not party to the mortgage is HSBC.

In this scenario though there is absolutely no reason OP can’t be party to the mortgage and added to the title. You don’t have to have an income to be party to a mortgage.

Show quote history

I said in my post it makes no odds what her income is and she should be on the mortgage so not sure why you telling me this

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 20/09/2022 19:44

You need to be on deeds and contribute to a pension or get back to work full time.

threads like this terrify me, you are so unbelievably vulnerable.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 20/09/2022 19:44

And for gods sake don’t sign the declaration

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:44

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby.

if you had just had the baby when the house was bought, why were you unable to contribute, what had been going on for ten years previous when you had no kids?

LaaDeeDaaa · 20/09/2022 19:48

I'd start looking for a full time job tomorrow if I were you. Then you can split the cost of childcare according.

Doesn't believe in marriage my arse.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 20/09/2022 19:48

He is a greedy selfish cunt and he knows exactly what he is doing - leaving you with absolutely no financial security, no home, no career and no pension. Don't let him do you up like a kipper.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 20/09/2022 19:49

@Floweryflora if I wasn't at home my childcare bill would be 3 times our mortgage payment .....

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 19:50

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:40

Hang on. She’s a grown up. She decided to have kids, give up work etc. Unless she comes back and says this was forced on her. She has personal responsibility here. Her pension is hers to pay into.

honestly this 1950s attitude of women being incapable of being responsible f-d their own financial decisions is sickening. She knew the deal and took it. If anyone is to blame it’s her.

Show quote history

Yes this is true.

She had 10 years before they bought a house together but she may well have been working only part time, she doesnt say how old the children are.

GoldenSpiral · 20/09/2022 19:50

There isn't a chance in hell that I would sign that declaration.

I was pretty adamant about being married before I would have children, even though my DH was not particularly keen. Women are often left with nothing in these situations when the relationship ends.

I feel for you OP as you're in a vulnerable situation. You need to stand firm now.

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 19:51

I dont know why I said 'bought a house together'!!!!

ClocksGoingBackwards · 20/09/2022 19:51

Did you choose to give up work to look after your children? Would your partner have supported you to stay in work by contributing half of the childcare fees?

I don’t think you automatically deserve half of a house that someone else is paying for in it’s entirety at the same time as financially supporting you and financially supporting the children.

You do deserve financial stability, but you have to work enough to contribute to that yourself.

CombatBarbie · 20/09/2022 19:51

Why can't the mortgage be joint also? You're just down as nil income, my bank actually takes child benefit as income.

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 19:52

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 19:42

I said in my post it makes no odds what her income is and she should be on the mortgage so not sure why you telling me this

Show quote history

It was in reference to “it’s not that simple if you have a mortgage” I was just adding that the only lender who will allow the scenario you described is HSBC.

OP’s OH needs to remo, jointly with OP and then do a transfer of equity to put OP on the title.

savoycabbage · 20/09/2022 19:53

As you get older, you start to see this over and over again. Both here on MN and in real life.

Women left completely screwed through not working and not being married and having children.

I was a stay at home mother but I was married to the father of my children.

He could leave you tomorrow and you would have no right to stay in the house as it's not yours and you aren't married he would get 50/50 custody and you would have nowhere to live and he wouldn't have to give you any money to support the children as they would be living with him half of the time.

He could go for 100% custody as you wouldn't have a place to live and you would have to pay him maintenance.

LovingTheseAutumnSnippets · 20/09/2022 19:54

Tell him you've changed your mind and you want to go back to work FT so you can earn and pay half the mortgage and so he has to do 50% of all the work with the house, kids, etc. etc.

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:54

OP’s OH needs to remo, jointly with OP and then do a transfer of equity to put OP on the title

no she needs to get a job and be financially self sufficient. And she needs to explain why after ten years together and no kids she couldn’t contribute to the house.