Page 3 | To be on the deeds of the house

Unicornetto · 2022-09-20T18:04:27+00:00

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house? Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids. He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

Testina · 20/09/2022 19:54

Joining the minority voice here that he hasn’t exactly pulled the wool over your eyes here.
You already signed the declaration once - why?

You were together for 10 years before he bought a house - and before the children by the sounds of it? Did the money for the house come from his savings in that time?

I do think that once you decide as a couple to have children and alter income around that, you should morally protect the more vulnerable party. But there’s nothing underhand here - you’re not a child. I think it’s up to you to make your own good decisions now. Go back to work. Don’t have any further children. Tell him you want to be married ( if you do) and a joint owner of the property. OK, he’s going to say no… but at least be clear what your expectation is.

caringcarer · 20/09/2022 19:55

I can't believe woman in this day and age would allow themselves and their children to be placed in such a vulnerable position. DO NOT SIGN. Insist if you are to remain together you are added to mortgage deeds. If he refuses, LTB.

bumbledeedum · 20/09/2022 19:56

I cannot believe in this day and age women still put themselves in this position. Of course he doesn't want to get married, he has a house, career and pension with an unpaid house keeper and childminder

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 19:57

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:54

OP’s OH needs to remo, jointly with OP and then do a transfer of equity to put OP on the title

no she needs to get a job and be financially self sufficient. And she needs to explain why after ten years together and no kids she couldn’t contribute to the house.

Well those are the steps to add her to the title. Irrespective of what your view of that is.

Ginger1982 · 20/09/2022 19:58

Oh dear Lord...how is it you've got into this situation and only seem to have realised 15 years down the line? I honestly despair.

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:59

caringcarer · 20/09/2022 19:55

I can't believe woman in this day and age would allow themselves and their children to be placed in such a vulnerable position. DO NOT SIGN. Insist if you are to remain together you are added to mortgage deeds. If he refuses, LTB.

And live where? She’s no money and no Job. How will she clothe and feed her self, house her self and pay up to fifty percent to wards her kids? She chose this. He pays for her to live. She’s not even explained why she couldn’t contribute to the house when she’d been with him a decade with no kids.

so Ltb and do what exactly`?

minidancer · 20/09/2022 19:59

You can be on the mortgage even if you don't earn. I'd get some advice from a solicitor and quickly

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 20:00

Well those are the steps to add her to the title. Irrespective of what your view of that is.

we all know the process. She’s not asking for admin advice.

C8H10N4O2 · 20/09/2022 20:01

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:54

OP’s OH needs to remo, jointly with OP and then do a transfer of equity to put OP on the title

no she needs to get a job and be financially self sufficient. And she needs to explain why after ten years together and no kids she couldn’t contribute to the house.

She hasn't said she didn't.

He told her she could not be on the deeds because she wasn't earning which was a lie. He wouldn't be the first man I've come across to lie to his partner and say the solicitors had told him that was the case.

The other wheeze is for the woman's money to be used for running the house and the male partner's money going into the savings for the deposit, which then becomes "his" money.

Should all women assume men are money grabbing con artists? Well probably we would all be safer if we did but the whole of society is telling women otherwise. Plenty of smart people fall for con artists whom they think they can trust.

Darbs76 · 20/09/2022 20:02

Mortgage and house deeds are surely different and just because you’re not earning doesn’t mean you can’t be on the mortgage. I certainly wouldn’t be signing to say I have no interest.

AloysiusBear · 20/09/2022 20:02

Oh ftlog will people never learn?

He could walk off tomorrow and you would be entitled to nothing from that house. Nothing.

GettingItOutThere · 20/09/2022 20:03

jesus christ OP wake up and smell the coffee

either marry him... asap or get on the deeds tomorrow

sounds like he wouldn't think twice about screwing you over. No decent man would make you sign that document! insainty!! hope you did not sign it!

AloysiusBear · 20/09/2022 20:03

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR CAREER IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED.

GettingItOutThere · 20/09/2022 20:04

oh - and if he told you and the kids to get out - theres not a dam thing you can do about it. It is his house and you would be out on your arse.

magma32 · 20/09/2022 20:06

Ofcourse he doesn’t believe in marriage. He’s laughing all the way to the bank and has free childcare at home while he continues to earn and you don’t. Not much of a ‘partner’. We know he won’t agree to you on the deeds so the only choice you have is to leave and claim child maintenance through the appropriate channels and maybe claim for an interest in the house so you can stay until the kids are 18 but not sure how easy it would be to do that. He doesn’t respect or value your contribution at home so you either leave or start earning properly and splitting the childcare, housework and all the other dog work you do for him. You have to stand up to him otherwise he will continue to walk all over you but worse, leaving you and your kids potentially on the street if your relationship broke or if he dropped dead tomorrow.

DashboardConfessional · 20/09/2022 20:07

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 19:59

And live where? She’s no money and no Job. How will she clothe and feed her self, house her self and pay up to fifty percent to wards her kids? She chose this. He pays for her to live. She’s not even explained why she couldn’t contribute to the house when she’d been with him a decade with no kids.

so Ltb and do what exactly`?

Show quote history

Jeez, who weed on your fries?

The OP was working full time until they had children. She says she has since worked part time. Where does she say she didn't contribute to the deposit? I work part time now and DH pays about 90% of the mortgage but guess whose bank account the deposit came from. Don't assume.

AloysiusBear · 20/09/2022 20:08

Go back to work asap.
Keep any money you earn in your own name because "he doesn't believe in marriage".

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/09/2022 20:08

Crikey OP you really are vulnerable here.

Whatever you do, do not sign that declaration.

He knows exactly what he's doing - it's time now for you to savvy up and start protecting yourself.

Can you go back to work full time? Bet he won't like spending his money on childcare for his children!

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/09/2022 20:08

You can absolutely be on the deeds and not the mortgage as I've done it. Please do not sign op.

If your particular lender won't accept that then I'd suggest a declaration of trust to safeguard your interest.

cestlavielife · 20/09/2022 20:08

Correct
You have nothing
No pension no house nothing

What does his will say?
Marry
Go back to work full time

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 20:08

either marry him... asap or get on the deeds tomorrow

did you not read the op?he doesn’t want to marry her and he won’t give her his house. What do you want her to do. Drug him and drag him up the aisle?

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 20:10

Correct. You have nothing. No pension no house nothing

it’s only been 5 years! Why’s she got no pension?

Dacadactyl · 20/09/2022 20:11

DashboardConfessional · 20/09/2022 20:07

Jeez, who weed on your fries?

The OP was working full time until they had children. She says she has since worked part time. Where does she say she didn't contribute to the deposit? I work part time now and DH pays about 90% of the mortgage but guess whose bank account the deposit came from. Don't assume.

Show quote history

Well OP must be totally bonkers if she contributed to the deposit AND then signed something to say she had no claim on the house.

HotDogKetchup · 20/09/2022 20:12

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 20:00

Well those are the steps to add her to the title. Irrespective of what your view of that is.

we all know the process. She’s not asking for admin advice.

OP was asking for advice in respect of her rights to the house she lives in. What she was not asking for was an opinion as to her lifestyle.

bellac11 · 20/09/2022 20:13

C8H10N4O2 · 20/09/2022 20:01

She hasn't said she didn't.

He told her she could not be on the deeds because she wasn't earning which was a lie. He wouldn't be the first man I've come across to lie to his partner and say the solicitors had told him that was the case.

The other wheeze is for the woman's money to be used for running the house and the male partner's money going into the savings for the deposit, which then becomes "his" money.

Should all women assume men are money grabbing con artists? Well probably we would all be safer if we did but the whole of society is telling women otherwise. Plenty of smart people fall for con artists whom they think they can trust.

Show quote history

He told her she could not be on the deeds because she wasn't earning which was a lie. He wouldn't be the first man I've come across to lie to his partner and say the solicitors had told him that was the case.

She doesnt say that at all

She says that she wasnt on the mortgage because she wasnt earning money, she doesnt say whether that was forced on her, or suggested to her or she didnt want to be part buyer of the property.

She says that he said to her that she cant be on the deeds because she isnt on the mortgage and that is true (unless you find a lender as another poster has identified HSBC, who do allow that)