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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son’s nursery are being ridiculous, right?

180 replies

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 12:57

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 20/09/2022 12:59

Change nurseries that is absolutely ridiculous.

ChiefPearlClutcher · 20/09/2022 13:00

Sounds maddening.
Employ a Nanny? Nanny jobshare?

AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 20/09/2022 13:02

They seem absolutely shit. I would wonder whether they're understaffed and trying to shift off kids to cope. I wouldn't put up with that, find another nursery. Some variation in toddler/baby poo is totally normal and if they're unable to ascertain the difference between a normal poo and an actual illness they're useless. And their refusal to provide proof by taking a photo of the poo says it all, they're being shifty. Wouldn't trust them.

properdoughnut · 20/09/2022 13:06

Yes they can't have photographs being taken near nappy changes. You could ask them to save them for you I guess? I'd be tempted to ask what they are feeding him as he doesn't have these "issues" at home. And if he is the only one?

Mirrorcell · 20/09/2022 13:06

Ask them to keep the nappies in a nappy bag for you to see when you get there. Say you want to take them to the gp to see what is wrong.

If he can return at 4pm on a Friday tell them he will be there at 4pm on the Friday and make sure you take him back. This will mean the Friday staffing issue is not resolved by sending him home.

I think this was happening to my friend (2 kids same nursery so helped staffing levels as she would keep both off), i recommended she sent the well child in and she’s not had a call since!

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 13:07

I don’t think we can afford a nanny plus live in an area where nannies aren’t really ‘a thing’ but have looked into a childminder, no one can do all the days and times we need though. I am at the point of looking for another nursery definitely but he’s settled there and it’ll be a bloody palava pulling him out and getting him settled somewhere else but obviously we might have to.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 20/09/2022 13:08

Is he reacting to something they are giving him? We had similar problems with ds when he was a toddler and it turned out to be the sugar free juice.

Twilightimmortal · 20/09/2022 13:10

Where I used to work. It had to be 3 loose soils and if it was with a baby who was teething we had to he sensible.

It sounds like the nursery staff just want to have less children.

Incrediblebuttrue · 20/09/2022 13:10

We had similar pro lems and my dr wrote a note to say that it was normal for him. They stopped after that.

ChocolateSpreadOnToast · 20/09/2022 13:10

Loose poo and diarrhoea are very different things.

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 13:10

It’s totally possible it’s a food reaction, I don’t think he gets juice but definitely something to think about. Asking them to retain the offending nappies is a good shout. I emailed them this morning to say he’s well, he’s fine to be there, please do not insist I pick him up for a single instance of loose baby poo, refer to the doctors note etc but am mega stressed at work now feeling like I’ll get the call any moment.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 20/09/2022 13:10

Move him
thatll be less hassle than this bollocks

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 20/09/2022 13:11

Change nurseries now. It will be a minor disruption to him but worth it.
They are being ridiculous

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 13:11

I agree, it all feels very ‘computer says no’ and there’s just no common sense applied.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 20/09/2022 13:12

DS had permanently loose stools due to the aftermath of food allergies. Nursery knew it was "his normal"

It's possible that the initial infection has caused an intolerance or upset his gut biome, but that doesn't mean that he's "ill".

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 13:14

BogRollBOGOF · 20/09/2022 13:12

DS had permanently loose stools due to the aftermath of food allergies. Nursery knew it was "his normal"

It's possible that the initial infection has caused an intolerance or upset his gut biome, but that doesn't mean that he's "ill".

That’s exactly what I think and the GP agreed. The nursery just harp on about ‘their policy’.

OP posts:
Pr1mr0se · 20/09/2022 13:15

Find another nursery. Give notice at the current nursery. If there really is no option but to stay put at current nursery then ask for them to record every food and drink they give him in a diary and give it to you at the end of each day. It might be something they are giving him which is creating the problem or they might even be making it up as they are short staffed.

ThatsGoingToHurt · 20/09/2022 13:19

Start looking for a new nursery now. Ideally with a two loose poo policy or a one loose poo but child has also temp/not eating/not playing/unwell policy.

Toddler do often have loose poos due to teething and the spend half their time eating stuff they shouldn’t eat like the sand in the sand pit. An otherwise well toddler with one loose poo shouldn’t be a concern.

3WildOnes · 20/09/2022 13:20

That is ridiculous. My little one often has loose poos as she eats too much fruit. She has never been sent home from nursery.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 20/09/2022 13:20

You either find a new nursery, which your son will adapt to, or don't bother and potentially lose your job/s. Seems an easy choice to me. Start looking.

ThatsGoingToHurt · 20/09/2022 13:21

My 2 year old often has loose poos. He tends to have a morning poo (fine) and an afternoon poo (loose). He’s teething and is happy and running round the nursery like he owns the place.

Daisychainsx · 20/09/2022 13:22

Where I live the rule is 3 loose bowel movements within a certain space of time. One would be ignored, after 2 we would call the parents just so they know we're keeping an eye on it, and after the 3rd it's home time for 48 hours.
I'd see if your doctor will give a note to say loose poos are normal for his age and stage of development.

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 13:22

I think we will have to find a new nursery (easier said than done with the days we need and location convenient as tight commute for pick up) but I was hoping common sense would prevail and we wouldn’t have to, doesn’t seem that’s going to the case.

OP posts:
BakeOffIsBack · 20/09/2022 13:23

Echo other comments. I remember it had to be X in X hours before a send home as can easily be a one off from eating certain foods, or maybe just his normal. Also a week off for conjunctivitis?

Have you actually seen their policy written down and where have they got those guidelines from?

Have you spoken to any other parents at pick up/drop off? If it’s staffing and child ratios there will be a theme…

AssumethePerpendicular · 20/09/2022 13:27

Our nursery is 3 and you get called, much more reasonable. Baby gets variation due to her fruit intake…! I did called after 2 once but they had had 4 other babies with symptoms so were concerned which was fair enough.
id find a childminder or another nursery. In the meantime get a detailed diary of food and fluid intake.

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