Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son’s nursery are being ridiculous, right?

180 replies

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 12:57

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 20/09/2022 18:25

Diarrhea is very different to loose stools. I've had 3 children and dealt with very many more. Teething nappies can be loose but have a particular acidic smell, some nappies are a bit loose because the child ate a lot of fruit. Some kids just frequently have loose nappies. You can tell. There are using it as an excuse. Diarrhea - my eye!

Tillsforthrills · 20/09/2022 18:26

Purplefoxes · 20/09/2022 16:24

But seriously you need to kick ass with these individuals, you are paying a ton of money to them for childcare and receiving a shoddy service or no service. Get angry and get it sorted. Squeaky wheels get oiled quickly!!

Or get given notice.

Best to deal with it in a factual non angry way.

Earrin · 20/09/2022 18:35

Change nurseries. At ours it's more than 3 nappies and/or vomiting in a day.

In the meantime ask them to send you their policy on sickness, because it's very unlikely to say after one loose nappy the child needs to be picked up.

Emmelina · 20/09/2022 20:22

Do you provide his food and milk for when he’s there, or do they? I wonder if he’s sensitive to something they make that you just haven’t given him at home yet to get the same reaction.

AloysiusBear · 20/09/2022 20:27

They are taking the absolute piss.

Walk away. They will be running tight ratios etc by refusing to take kids om spurious grounds and it will never get better. Your child shouldnt even have been excluded for conjunctivitis, not even for one day let alone a week if well in himself, based on public health guidance.

AloysiusBear · 20/09/2022 20:28

Diarrhea is very different to loose stools. I've had 3 children and dealt with very many more. Teething nappies can be loose but have a particular acidic smell, some nappies are a bit loose because the child ate a lot of fruit. Some kids just frequently have loose nappies. You can tell. There are using it as an excuse. Diarrhea - my eye!

This.

NeckFanInSoftPlay · 20/09/2022 23:21

@FoxyLoxSox When they blabber on about their 'policy' just say "Well unfortunately it's my policy not to be fucked about by incompetent nursery staff, sorryyyyyy" complete with head tilt.

CakeIsNotAvailable · 20/09/2022 23:45

I had this exact problem with my eldest and ended up having to get a nanny as there were no other local nurseries which opened for the hours we needed. YANBU. It's awful. I understand they need to send home genuinely ill children, but like you our son was repeatedly excluded for having occasional normal squishy baby poos, and like you our nursery would not accept medical advice that it wasn't infectious.

WonderWoop · 21/09/2022 00:02

Find a new nursery, honestly.

I have similar issues at DDs nursery and wish I had moved here a long time ago. Pregnant with DS now and no way will I send him there. They send her home consistently, have had to get a doctors note to prove she didn't have hand foot and mouth (had one spot on him!).. for example. We have no family support and it creates so much work stress. It won't get better - so find somewhere that will with for you.

Original poster
FoxyLoxSox · 21/09/2022 07:26

Have sent a couple of enquiries out to childminders this morning. Local availability really not great but as a PP suggested, if we can just get one or two days with them initially it could take the reliance on nursery pressure off a bit.

DS did a whole day yesterday with no issues but they were super surprised to see him at drop off because they ‘thought we’d gone on holiday’ I told them we were going away for the weekend but said nothing about missing any days this week. So it does make me think they’re running to some very tight ratios.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 21/09/2022 07:30

My DD was the same at 10 months - turned out she had an E Coli infection. Ask the GP to do a stool sample.

Cara87 · 21/09/2022 09:34

I’d be worried they’re flouting the ratios to be honest. It does happen.

Original poster
FoxyLoxSox · 21/09/2022 10:05

Cara87 · 21/09/2022 09:34

I’d be worried they’re flouting the ratios to be honest. It does happen.

It does and I worry we’ve been marked out as a ‘soft touch’ being new parents and they’re probably exploiting my working mum guilt to an extent. I’ve asked for a chat with them later as DH says they were really off at pick up.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 21/09/2022 15:59

To be honest, ratios aren't really a major problem for parents to worry about. What I mean by that, is that you can be within ratio but have a couple of very difficult or special needs children which means you are extremely stretched. Other times you could be beyond ratio by 1 or 2 kids but the kids are fairly easy so it's actually easier to take care of everyone well.

The flouting ratios (I've very rarely experienced it) is really less of a safety issue and more of an attitude issue. These places probably treat staff terribly (no staff member ever wants to be out of ratio, it's very hard work even when you're in ratio), stingey with money and pay, constantly losing staff because they can't treat them properly. Believe me, I've worked somewhere like that. You do not want your children in that atmosphere even if they are adhering to ratios.

Tillyboo123 · 21/09/2022 17:50

We had this with my son I explained to them that diarrhoea is frequent watery stools and therfore one did not equal diarrhoea. Didn't call me again despite the normal occasional " loose" poo

SeeYouNextTLol · 21/09/2022 18:18

Definitely leave this nursery. They clearly have problems with staffing which would be due to not treating their staff well. Which would probably create an unpleasant environment. They sound like they have no competition from other nurseries which is why I guess they think that they can operate in this way. I hope you find an alternative!

Grrrrdarling · 21/09/2022 18:23

FoxyLoxSox · 20/09/2022 12:57

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

Find another nursery.
If they don’t know the difference between a genuinely upset tummy poop - my daughter usually had one after a bout of disgustingly smelly farts & usually had eggy burps before she vomited - & a teething one what else do they have no clue about.
Ask them to do you a strict food diary incase it is something they are feeding him that is triggering the poops.

Talkitout1 · 21/09/2022 18:46

When my little one has a loose poo they just tell me at the end of the day, and I'll say ok I'll keep an eye. But that's generally it as usually it's Just one of those things, hope you find something else op

LunaLoveFood · 21/09/2022 18:48

The nursery where I used to work had a policy of send home after 3 bouts of loose bowels for a baby up to about 18months because of teething etc.
Sending home after 1 is extreme.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 21/09/2022 18:50

My mother in law always thought my kids had diarrhoea when in fact she eats a terrible diet and probably was comparing her constipated poos to a healthy veggie poo! Maybe this is the case at nursery! Maybe ask the leader if this might be the case!

LimaCharlieHotelPapa · 21/09/2022 18:51

Crikey, are you in Rayleigh by any chance? 😂I had this exact same thing with my son's first nursery. Phantom bad nappies and we'd be told to collect him or not send him in, yet he'd be absolutely fine with us or it was explainable (e.g. he went through a period where white grapes upset his stomach). We raised it a couple of times, but had no real come back and moved him to a much better nursery.

We were fully aware that original nursery had staffing issues and they would shut for every reason under the sun or would send kids home, which was because they couldn't have the correct ratio of staff not because the kid was ill etc. Other parents were having the same issues. Following covid they stopped snacks and activities for kids (without telling parents), refused to buy bigger sized nappies for the older kids and all sorts of other issues, yet our fees went up and the owner could still drive round in a swanky Mercedes.

Honestly, if you have the option I'd move your child, it's just not worth the hassle. There are much better nurseries out there with better trained staff. Good luck!

Unleashthecrazy · 21/09/2022 19:07

As someone who has worked in a few nurseries in various positions I thought I’d offer an insight.
we had a child (who I believe was 8-9 months old) who was having loose bowel movements every few days and appeared upset during the day it would happen so we followed policy of collecting and remaining off for 48 hours.
this continued for weeks and mum was really struggling with the time off work so she spoke to the manager. Under the managers desecration she agreed that his was the child’s new ‘normal’ bowel movements and we need not follow the policy anymore.
it was put down to teething eventually when all 4 front teeth came through over night with no discomfort to the child!

id advise if your child seems happy at the nursery other than this issue then you need to request a meeting with the manager to stress how it’s affecting your lives and come to some agreement.
also not a bad idea to ask for the next soiled nappy like previously suggested.

Charmian1957 · 21/09/2022 19:12

I have 8 children & nevervhas issues like this. I know your son is settled there, but this is ridiculous. Change nursiers, but before you do check out their policies. Or maybe share a childminder with someone local? Advertise for that. Can you change your hours a bit? Can your husband? So one of you can be at home between you? Fine tweaking needed with both of your hours. And once your son is out of that place Name & Shame it!

cherish123 · 21/09/2022 19:13

Childminder or another nursery.
This is ridiculous. Explain your reasons for leaving.

nannykatherine · 21/09/2022 19:20

ChiefPearlClutcher · 20/09/2022 13:00

Sounds maddening.
Employ a Nanny? Nanny jobshare?

As a nanny I agree
Nannies work thro all the shit shows (good ones do anyway )
I know they sound expensive but you get more for your money
they do duties related around your child like batch cooking
Laundry keeping their room and belongings orderly .
they look after your child while they are Ill while keeping you informed and attend doctors appointments etc .
a nanny share is a popular option if you know someone nearby with a small child too .
This sharing the cost with another family