My son’s nursery are being ridiculous, right?

[FoxyLoxSox]

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

Are you still having to pay when he doesn't go in?

Sometimes after a child has had a tummy bug they can become temporarily lactose intolerant resulting in loose pop
it’s worth trying cutting dairy and using a lactose free milk for a while then gradually weaning him back on . It doesn’t usually take long and is not a permanent intolerance .

Had similar issues here, it was every week. My ds is one and has cmpa. I am forever updated on the number of ‘loose bowels’. I have advised them he never does solid stool and loose bowels are normal. I know myself when teething or we are trying different parts of the milk ladder and so that is me pre warning them that loose bowels is fine.

It sounds like a scam to me! No evidence of these wet poos whatsoever yet your probably paying them for the days he isn't there. I'd ask where he is on the Bristol Poo Chart. Unless he's at "sixes and sevens", I don't see how one loose-ish stool constitutes anything other than a healthy gut. And if they don't know the Poo Chart then they're not qualified to discuss correct poo! Please find somewhere else for your child if possible. I suspect they just don't like the fact he poos at nursery. Mine used to thoughtfully save the big poo of the day for when Daddy was due home 😂

Some nurseries are more strict than others, ask around and moving him at age 1 he will be fine, I did the same. I was so lucky to find one with a common sense approach and never had to pick up early, school though was a different matter...

If the poo is always solid and normal at home then it makes you wonder what’s different about being at nursery.
Either food he’s sensitive to or an emotional reaction to something ?

Of course! £70 a day.

Absolutely push back. Don't take any shit (no pun) you have a doctors note. If they argue, state that you will be escalating this to management. If management argue I would threaten legal action. If they don't listen I would file at a small claims court for the days he was let go (at the time from the doctors note) and get them to pay damages of missed pay from your work.

Usually with a d&v bug there are other symptoms like sickness and temperature, they must know its teething with a one year old, surely he's dribbling and chewing also. I would also be looking at other nurseries and explain what's been happening and their views on it, don't want the same thing happening again!

I would ask for a meeting with the head and tell her/him you are moving your child as you appear to be paying for a full time service and getting a very part time service. Remind them its absolutely normal for toddlers to have loose poo and unless he has tummy pain and or vomiting...its nothing....but they are the losers....you move your child and can I suggest you have this convo with the next nursery Manager? my grandson who is 6 has always had loose poo's....never really passed a very sold one and this is his norm. Ridiculous.

My nursery never did this. It's ridiculous. I think you need to change and continue to push back if they call again

Sounds like he is out more than in.

Similar issues with my nursery. But they're better I learned with the first one when they ring to report a child has been sick, or loose nappy or a bit grumpy, or had a fall etc theyre almost putting out a hook for you to say awwww I'll come and get him..Don't get sucked in to offering to collect and head them off.

Now I say things like oh dear, I'm sure he'll be fine, thanks for letting me know. I'm sure he'll perk up. I give them a bit of flattery along the lines of well Ive every confidence in your team you look after 30 babies day in day I've only got one.

Remember your the customer you can always go elsewhere. Ask them to remind you "how long is the notice period etc".

I have to say in general the nursery use are generally great, they'd have no issue saving a nappy or taking a picture. They have a 48 hour rule for sickness but I've had the youngest be sick at 10am on a Tuesday and then happily accept her at 7.30am on a Wednesday as long as she's been fine. The care is great, it's the admin side that's atrocious. They'd be better off putting the toddlers in charge of that - the standard of English might improve. Masters of malapropisms!

It sounds like they don't want to have to deal with normal toddler bowel issues. Find another nursery.

Diarrhoea has to be increased frequency too really I think, but if they are being odd I would look for another nursery or childminder (unless they are perfect in all other ways and it would be a real hassle to change). Also

What an absolute crock of shit! No pun intended. They are absolutely taking you got a ride and by still charging you that is massively dodgy all around!! There is a vast difference between D&V and soft poo. They are really treating you very badly. Don’t know how you’ve stayed sane! Good luck!

I’d be filing an official complaint and telling them I am not paying for the days he was sent home!!
you’ve supplied a doctors note but to be honest the nursery should know the difference between a normal baby poop and D&V …. Just being snotty can make a toddler have runs!
I also understand their concerns, if they have children in nursery with for example type 1 diabeties.. a D&V bug can hospitalise them… but if you’ve had clearance from GP then I’d be p155ed!

I had similar situation with my daughter. The nursery staff was sending her home as she supposed to have high temperature. When I came to nursery everytime she had normal temperature. The nursery had staff issues. I had very firm conversation with them and sent email to the owner saying that working parents need to have reliable childcare and cannot afford to have the child send home every couple of days. Speak also to other parents and try to put pressure on the nursery.

Definitely change nursery!

I’d be questioning what they’re feeding him if loose stool is occurring midway/at the tail end of every day he’s there.

The abject decline in nutritious dietary intake due to cutting costs was what put paid to my eldest’s nursery experience in the end…hoiked him out and put him in preschool with packed lunch instead.

Our children always used to be a bit loose after nursery... I think they gave them loads of fruit

Apologies just seen your DC is an infant on formula. I’d still ?hygeine but tbh sounds like the ship of trust has sailed and you need a new setting anyway.
Good luck, I remember well how stressful it is.

Ds2 had loose poos up to and well beyond potty training. It's not unusual.

Bloody hell OP that’s insanity. I’m a registered childminder, policy is 3 diarrhoea (not loose) nappies and home you go for 48hrs. I’ve had children with intolerances, teething nappies and allergies who I’ve never sent home. A D&V bug is totally different and any experienced childcare professional knows the difference. If I was requesting parents picked up as often as that nursery I would have no business. Personally I’d be looking for alternative care. Yes children get sick and pick up bugs etc and it’s a risk to staff but there has to be an element of common sense applied.

He definitely eats as well, just most of it still goes on the floor, he hates being spoon fed and always has. And he’s been a skinny Minnie since he was born so we always gave him however much formula he wanted. Obviously now he’s 1, we will start weaning him off.

thanks for the solidarity and the advice everyone! I spoke to the manager today (clocked her Range Rover outside 🤣) and she admitted that with the doctors note no way should DS have been banned from the setting so we will get a Friday refund.

Honestly though we really did pick the bloody place because it was long-standing management, good reviews, a ‘good’ ofsted… and they seemed to value staff and training. I know they’re all still paid peanuts probably though.

This is why why use a childminder - heard horror stories of big nurseries calling for every slight cough during covid (fortunately didn’t have a child then). Babies are sick 6 times a year on average in the first 2 years and I can’t take time off work for every minor sniffle or temperature or slightly runny poo (as long as my bay is well and still active). I’m sure another nursery would be more sensible if that’s your preferred setting.