My son’s nursery are being ridiculous, right?

[FoxyLoxSox]

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

Ask them to keep a food diary and see if there is a pattern. Both my children had CMPA and caused loose poo. One was also very intolerant/allergic to soya which caused a huge nappy incident when the gp tried us on soya formula before the hypo allergenic formula.

Ideally you would get a record of what’s been eaten and when nappy changes where but if not then they need to keep a really detailed chart for a couple of weeks (if you haven’t moved him) and keep the chart for home too so you can compare.

Absolutely ridiculous! You need a new nursery. My little girl went for 4yrs before starting school and only once very recently did they call and say to come collect her for diahorea. The policy in there is twice in 1 day they need to go home. Not loose poo but proper diahorea and if they do it once they understand it could be a one off.

I think some nurseries are quick to call you about illness. My sil is called regularly to collect her child for illness. Often as u say for diahorea!

I am a childminder they're being ridiculous, all babies get teething poos. Also you don't have to send a child home with conjunctivitis as long as they have got medicine from the dr they can attend the setting.
Look for a childminder you won't have all this nonsense.
This is exactly one of the reasons I became a childminder because I didn't want to send my kids to nursery to be sent home every five minutes. X

I hope they are not expecting you to pay for these days that your child is being made to leave??!

@FoxyLoxSox Of course! £70 a day.
Have you worked out how much they have got out of you in total for their ridiculousness. Quite a lot by the sounds of it.

I work in a nursery and it’s usually three loose poos, they can’t take photos because you’re not allowed your phone anywhere near the change area. I think you might need to look for another nursery to be honest.

Definitely change nurseries and if possible get a note from you doctor confirming that this is perfectly normal behaviour on a child this age when teething. Maybe don't use it directly but send it in with a covering letter explaining why you are changing nurseries.

My nursey has nursery iPads for updating tapestry etc.

You can always take the nappy to the camera, or the camera to the bin.

Think outside the box.

We had similar problems for a month or so. Looked closely at the menu they were using & clocked heavy link between peas, pulses, grapes & loose bowel movements. Took a couple of chats & a printout from Dr Google to show these food items are far from unusual linked to toddler loose bowels.

Asked if they would prefer to cook an entirely separate menu for him or just accept he'd have a loose nappy the day of/after they gave him peas at teatime. We got there in the end!

I'm glad our nursery wasn't this strict when my youngest was attending. She was eventually diagnosed with "toddler diarhea" but all her stools were loose. She was actually still in nappies when she started school because of it. I would definitely look into changing nursery. I'm sure he'll settle in just fine. Best wishes

Our soon to be ex-nursery were having staffing issues. It was getting to the point where when I did take dd, I knew I'd get a call to collect her. We went from diarrhoea and temps to a runny nose and "oh she just wouldn't settle. While you're here - can you take ds too? He doesn't seem right either". Absolute piss take. And the one day they made him eat something he didn't like, he vomited and I had to pick him off and keep him home for 48 hours!

I would (and did) find somewhere else. And definitely ask them to keep the nappies.

There's difference between a loose poo and diarrhoea. I manage a nursery and sometimes staff are abit too keen to send kids home with 'loose poos'.I always ask them to check wth me first - we should only be sending children home when it is necessary. Some babies, including my 2nd, never have completely solid poos - would they never be allowed to go to nursery???

Tell them you’re thinking about speaking to your local health and social care ombudsman to find out the official policy for loose poo. If they are playing games and trying to keep numbers down by lying about illnesses, I’m sure they will react differently when they might be officially investigated. At this point you either have to move him or say something as the nursery is pointless right now as more stressful than helpful

Nursery honestly sound like idiots. If they can't tell the difference between poorly poos and normal teething poos then I would question then as an entire business tbh.

Well, unhelpfully they are claiming that teething alone does not cause loose poo. Unfortunately the NHS website seems to back this up. Every other parent I’ve spoken to about it says yes it bloody does!! Especially since when DS is teething he chugs his bottles down like no one’s business.

Our DS was at nursery for about 9 months. At about 20 months he contracted chicken pox and had several seizures (none at nursery). Obviously when he was ill he was home.

He got better, but following several more fits he was diagnosed with epilepsy. We notified the nursery of his diagnosis, then began his 6 month bout of "diarrhoea" which was extremely bad in nursery!!! He miraculously never had a fit whilst there 4 days per week for about 30 hours.

I was called to nursery pretty much every week for something but mainly the diarrhoea which strangely cleared up on getting home.

Eventually I changed my working hours to enable childcare to be done by me, partner and MIL, but we were convinced the nursery found caring for son was a problem and made it pointless putting him in their nursery and avoided explicitly saying it was too much for them.

This kind of behaviour from a nursery, as others have alluded to, is indicative of another issue.

Change nurseries. Ours was very pragmatic - once it became evident DD was going to be suffering from tonsillitis alot, they used to allow me to drop her off straight from the GP's with a bottle of antibiotics and worked on the basis that if it was just her with a loose nappy, she could stay. Plus vomit or anyone else, go home.

My DS had very mixed poos until he was about three! He started preschool when he was 2.5 and I used to panic they would always be sending him home thinking he was poorly when actually that’s just his gut. He has an incredibly sensitive bowel and various food related issues and it just took his body longer than most to adjust to normal diet etc. even now he’s still prone to loose poos for no discernible reason.

Get a letter from the doctor and have a meeting with nursery to ask for their help and cooperation but also reassure them that you know when your child is actually ill and you wouldn’t send them in

Obtain a sample of his poo
u can get a specimen jar from your doc. The doctor can then send it off to lab and find out if any bugs have grown.
diarrhoea and a loose stool are very different issues.
Have u considered a good local child minder? They do exist.
Good luck

I feel your pain. I had the same thing with my son. It seemed to happen almost 2 to 3 times a month he got sent home with loose nappies. In the end I asked my doctor surgery for sample bottles. Set them in with my son and asked the nursery to provide a sample every time he has a loose poo. Send them off to be tested and there is absolutely nothing wrong. I even got a doctors letter saying that every time a test was done. It came back normal. Some nurseries I think just panic at this side of even a slightly loose poo. I think it’s more that they need training in how to identify these types of poo. A loose teething poo would look completely different to an infectious poo.

Also, when a child is teething, they produce gallons of saliva. That much is obvious when they soak through a bib within half an hour. Goodness knows how much they actually swallow and that has to be contributing to the loose poo.

It is ridiculous, but we had a very similar situation when our two were little at nursery, mainly when they were teething. It is absolutely maddening, and we were in a similar situation to you with no other help and DH working abroad regularly.

Other than changing nurseries to somewhere less stringent, or as others have said, looking for a CM or nanny, I'm not sure what your options might be other than to ride it out.

Ours are now much older, and it does get better, but the early years are a nightmare in that respect.

At my nursery it's 3 loose poos in one daY and then they'll send the child home..sounds a lot more sensible..

Even so ds has spent more time off nursery than one. I've just returned to work from maternity and I can't imagine my boss or colleagues are very happy as every week I'm taking at least two days off because ds has been sent home.from nursery again. (In our case it's die to cold and a high temperature and I don't blame them. He really was ill. but uggh...he goes Monday and Tuesday and then is ill for the rest of the week ... )

Sounds like the nursery is going through internal issues maybe lack of management. I would find another place as this could be the tip of the iceberg. He will re settle. Not very settling now is it?

I would charge nurseries. I know ot seems a shame as he is settled but you can't go on with this.
I have worked in childcare for many years and everywhere I have worked the policy has been to send a child home after three loose poos. One loose poo does not mean d&v.