My son’s nursery are being ridiculous, right?

[FoxyLoxSox]

Has anyone else experienced this?

So DS is 1, and has been attending the nursery since June. Goes four days a week. Had a week off in July for conjunctivitis, totally expected a bout of an illness or two when he started, normal I know. Duly juggled with work to keep him home.

On the 26th August I got a call to say he’d got diarrhoea, please come get him and keep him off for 48 hours after the last instance, as per policy, fair enough- he did indeed turn out to have a d&v bug. Duly juggled work to keep him home, even though he was right as rain within 24 hours, we kept him off for four nursery days to let it totally clear his system and let him get his appetite back etc. Totally clear of any symptoms.

Returned him to nursery happy as Larry. I get a call the next day to day he’d done one loose poo and to come and collect and keep him off for 48 hours at least. Was pretty pissed off as he was bouncing around and did no concerning poos whatsoever but again, kept him off. This was really tricky this time as we both had deadlines to meet, I can’t work from home at all, DH can to an extent but needs to do calls etc and WFH is definitely not encouraged by his office. Neither of us have other adults to help, no family nearby etc. we can’t take annual leave without notice. We keep him off for the 48 hours, he does a couple of loose teething poos, absolutely no diarrhoea whatsoever.

The next Wednesday at roughly the same time, I get a call to say again, one incident of ‘wet poo’ and can I pick up. Now I work compressed full time hours which is pretty horrible really but it means I get Mondays off to be with my baby plus I finish at lunchtime on a Wednesday. Since we have to pay for the full day anyway I use that time to do all the shit I don’t have time for the rest of the week but usually pick DS up early to spend some time with him. They know I finish early on a Wednesday because I explained it when he did his settling sessions.

That time I pushed back a bit but they insisted I’d be putting their staff at risk if I didn’t collect him forthwith and keep him off. That meant he didn’t return until the following Tuesday as obviously no point putting him in at 4pm on a Friday afternoon. DH went out of his mind a bit for the next two days trying to work with DS at home who was his absolute lively normal self and tearing around like Crash Bandicoot.

At this point we seek medical advice to ask why there are random incidents of this loose nappy to be told it’s all totally within the normal spectrum of baby poo and teething, diet and milk consumption can all very easily cause a loose bowel movement and she agreed that one instance of this every few days is a ridiculous reason to kick DS out of nursery.

Thursday last week I happened to have a day of annual leave (which nursery didn’t know) but was at an eye appointment when they called and said, another loose poo, really wet with little substance, please collect. I said no. DH wasn’t even in the country at this time either. I explained to them about the GP visit, they said ok provide a doctors note to confirm. The manager even said ‘we know it’s not norovirus and this is getting silly every week’ I agreed. I rang the GP and she very kindly fired me an email to say not infectious, normal for a baby etc etc.

Picked him up at 5, they say he had ‘just’ done another very loose poo and therefore can’t come in the next day. He was again fine all bloody weekend with no conceding poo whatsoever.

I mean I don’t know what to do at this point. Surely they can’t keep doing this for loose baby poo ?!!

I know they are having a major staffing issue right now with a couple of long term ones leaving and not being replaced, they regularly have bank staff in or workers doing extra shifts, I feel for them I do but this is a completely untenable situation for us and I’m getting worried about my job, as is DH.

I asked today for why concerning nappies to be photographed so I can see but they’ve mumbled something about ‘safeguarding’

Its really upsetting me as I didn’t want to put DS in nursery yet at all, but financially staying at home with him is just not an option 😩

No, independent nursery. We have a booklet at home. I will check it but I remember it says they must be free of symptoms for 48 hours and following there normal diet (meaning we can’t even request he does BRAT while he’s there)

Seems odd to me. I've got DD age 3 & DD age 1. Never have I been asked to pick up because of D&V/loose poop etc. Though loose/wet poops have been mentioned at pick up time.

I think I've picked up DD1 x1 for temperature/really poorly (though she bounced out the door and didn't seem unwell at all).. Definitely felt the time I had to pick DD up it was a numbers game. They knew I'd pick both girls up at the same time. So would definitely help the ratios.

Utterly ridiculous. Appreciate what you are saying about childminders but is there anyone that could do one day a week - anything to reduce hours at the nursery. Get on some waiting lists for other places. And you might be surprised by nanny options locally - there are some websites you can check. If you look for childminders see if you can find one that collects from your sons likely primary school.

www.bbuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Understanding-Toddler-Diarrhoea.pdf

This is what DS had, once we took out apple juice from his diet (including food products where used as a sweetener) his nappies were a lot more pleasant (if they can ever be pleasant!)

We had a bit of this with DC1 when they were a baby not as bad as what you're having. She started nursery at 9mo and under 1 she hardly ate solids but still drank loads of formula so her usual poo was still loose milk-feed poo. It was like the nursery staff just didnt understand that or something and she had quite a few exclusions over the first 6 months or so until she was properly weaned onto solids and off formula and therefore did more solid poos. Our nursery policy was 3 or more loose stools in a day tesults in them being sent home. It was really frustrating but it's an otherwise excellent nursery and we were lucky that my DM would look after DC1 for us in those circumstances so we didn't need to take time off work.

Interestingly DC2 is 11 months and recently started the same nursery a few yrs later and even though most of the staff are the same, he is yet to be sent home for loose stools despite having a few weeks of terrivle loose ones. We are such this was related to teething and the nursery staff have agreed and he hasnt been excluded. I don't know whats changed, staff more experienced now about what is normal and what is illness? Parents complaining so theyve loosened their approach? DC2 is a much easier baby to care for than DC1 was so they just wanted an excuse to send DC1 home?! No idea.

My babies barely had a solid poo at that age. All the diet and weaning etc was disruptive

Christ this sounds like our nursery.

Any sign of a snotty nose and they're not allowed in (stringent covid measures still in place 2yr later!)

My DC often has loose stools. No obvious cause. Certainly not ill.

I would probably make a complaint at this stage as it can't continue. They need to revise their policy to account for discretion/discernment as the blanket rule is just nuts.

I'd tell them what your doctor told you, in writing, and ask for a response, if they insist then I'd leave and find elsewhere.
Diarrhoea and loose poo are very different.
My nursery albeit 5 years ago, would allow a few loose ones and if it got worse we were called. Both kids in that nursery so about 7 years using them and I got called maybe 4-5 times, total (not each child)

Yes sounds like the present nursery are being a wee bit 'sensitive'...dont worry about changing nursery. He's only 1 and they're pretty adaptable at that age.

This sounds ridiculous, so sorry you are having to go through this. I would also recommend a a nanny. Even when my DS is poorly he is looked after by his nanny. This one s one of the big benefits

I work in a nursery and was coming on here all prepared to stick up for them. BUT that is ridiculous. When they say it's 'their policy', you must ask to see the policy. If the policy refers to diarrhea then you need to inform them that a loose stool is not diarrhea. The manager is playing you to agree it's 'ridiculous' but to enforce it anyway.

I would pull him out because this will be the tip of the iceberg that you can see. Understaffed is usually a sign of being unable to retain good staff. Enforcing imaginary policies is a sign of bad management and an unhappy environment for staff. If they treat parents like this, you don't even want to know how they treat staff behind the scenes. Nurseries are so expensive, you need to get your money's worth and you need your child in a nurturing, loving environment.

Is it nursery with first letter "A"? It sounds like our ex nursery :)))) exactly the same, I had to quit my job, simply couldn't afford ask for unpaid leave 3 times a week.

It’s a while since I worked in nurseries but we weren’t for sending children home with one loose nappy! That’s ridiculous, unless the child is obviously unwell or there is an outbreak.

Id stop answering my phone to them...tell them you had it on silent as you were in a meeting.

I've not RTFT, but my sons nursery used to do this when they were short of staff - send some kids home so the ratios are met.

Wowsers my daughter was at nursery for 3.5 years and I think I got a call twice. Once for chicken pox and once for d&v. That's not sustainable!

Ridiculous. This is why we had a lovely childminder who would not be so nonsensically reactive and have to worry about ratios.

I’d be looking for alternative childcare

Busybees by any chance?

This isn't the first time I've heard of this happening, alongside staffing issues. Plus certain children being singled out because they've worked out which parents are more accommodating of it.

I'd insist on photos. Request these and give permission in an email, explaining you only need photos of the nappy, not the child. If they say no because of safeguarding again, then request they keep the nappies for you.

Other thing is it could be something they are giving him at nursery. Different milk? More of it? It's no uncommon to go slightly lactose intolerant after a stomach bug.

One loose poo is par for the course with babies, that’s ridiculous!

Perhaps it’s because it’s every day though or very regularly, so may he have some type of intolerance? They don’t sound happy to deal with it at all.

Read their policy as it would be reasonable for two or more loose pooh’s in a day but not one.

Our nursery is also 3 loose stools, but apply common sense when a child is clearly teething.

Surely all one-year-olds' poos are loose?

Don't find a new nursery. Put your big girl pants on and demand a meeting with the nursery manager outside of nursery hours. Explain and be firm that this can continue. Your GP has told them it is not infectious. He doesn't have it at home. I would demand a full menu of what it is he is eating and what times the incident occurs. That way you can pinpoint what it is that causes it. And if they wont photograph it leave the nappies for you in a bag!! Make it more of a hassle for them and make it clear you are on the verge of complaining up the chain (including to their regulator if necessary). If it is a staffing issues and they just think you are a pushover this will soon stop it. Likewise if it's a food allergy you will be able to identify it. If they still say it is policy ask them the basis of the policy if a medical professional has confirmed it's ok and where you can get a second opinion they will believe! They can either work with you to help get this sorted or without and you make a formal complaint. Honestly this is a ridiculous thing to do to working parents! You need to drive it home to them though, ham it up if necessary and tell them you are facing possible disciplinary action at work if this continues so a solution needs to be found. If they are still unreasonable after all of this, make a formal complaint, review online and on all social media and then switch nursery. Don't get a nanny, expensive and you are their employer so responsible for their sick pay, way too much hassle! Why should you have to move nursery because of their poor and inflexible proceedures?! I would be fuming believe me hell hath no fury they would back down 🤣

Cannot continue 🙄

My nursery has a 3 loose poo policy as well