to be gay but stay with husband for the children?

[SadSuzie]

I know people will say it’s impossible and I would probably say the same if I saw a thread like this
BUT
I can’t physically leave - the house is rented and I don’t and can’t earn more whilst the DS’s are young.
I do love him and the relationship between him and the children, they would be heartbroken without their dad and I would be heartbroken without them so it’s all a massive mess.
Has anyone stayed until the children were older so not to cause the destruction that will follow?

[WoooahNelly]

Make a decision. No-one can move forward until you do. I feel if you have set this bomb off in everyone's lives, it is up to you to find the solution. Sooner the better as far as the dc are concerned too. You've had 10 months, do you think this isn't already affecting the dc?

[Textboxmm]

‘I am attracted to him in a holding hands or a hug type way but intimacy in any way more than that I’ve always found quite difficult’

that’s not attraction. I hold hands and hug my DSis or my friends. It nice, comforting but not intimate.

[clpsmum]

@SadSuzie

im not staying for money - we aren’t well off so not many luxuries you may be imagining im benefitting from.

I just want my children to have a happy childhood.

Do you think your children would be happy (or you a good role model) when you clearly are not? Plenty of happy children have divorced parents. Be yourself it's the best you can be for them

[SadSuzie]

Even if that means they see their dad really miserable because of me?

[hamsterchump]

He's already miserable surely.

You can't put the genie back in the lamp OP, even if you flipped the script now he'd always wonder whether you were really lying now or before, he'll always question whether you ever loved him or were really attracted to him. It's no way to live and a terrible example of a relationship to your children.

[MichelleScarn]

@SadSuzie

Even if that means they see their dad really miserable because of me?

Surely you don't think he'll pine and be miserable for you forever? End the relationship properly and allow him to move on!

[SadSuzie]

I actually do worry he will be miserable forever
Maybe not pining for me as such but he was really always insistent on the kids not coming from a broken home like his was
He will struggle with lots of elements of not being a family unit

I hate that I love him

[butterfliedtwo]

You really need to move on and out so he can too.

Thinking he'll be miserable for the rest of his life isn't giving him much credit.

[OhmygodDont]

You don’t love him give over. It’s a bloody pitty party. You don’t want to leave the house that’s all. You don’t want your life to change. Your stringing him along.

He will move on if your actually honest and let him go. Everyday you stay, you hold hands your dragging on his pain for your own comfort.

Bit like dog owners who don’t pts when they should. It’s not for the good of the dog but their own selfish needs.

[BattenburgDonkey]

@SadSuzie

I actually do worry he will be miserable forever
Maybe not pining for me as such but he was really always insistent on the kids not coming from a broken home like his was
He will struggle with lots of elements of not being a family unit

I hate that I love him

The home is already broken! Stop dragging it out and start making plans for the future apart so that you can all start to move on with your lives. You are doing him a disservice by keeping him hanging on like this. If you are gay, your marriage is over, especially as you’ve already told your husband and child about it. I no this sounds like a harsh response, I no you are going through a difficult time. But you need to start facing it and working through it properly, acceptance is the first step here, your marriage is over… so how can you best protect your child through the separation.

He will be happy again, your child probably won’t be though if you keep them in this mess for years though.

[RootinandTootin]

You sound very selfish. Why marry a man and have children if you’re gay? You’re a coward. It would probably be better for your kids if you split now so it’s not like they’ve grown up living in your lie. I’d expect you to move out. It sound like you only want to stay because you can’t support yourself

[Sunflowerkeep]

@RootinandTootin

You sound very selfish. Why marry a man and have children if you’re gay? You’re a coward. It would probably be better for your kids if you split now so it’s not like they’ve grown up living in your lie. I’d expect you to move out. It sound like you only want to stay because you can’t support yourself

What an offensive post!! Do you know how many people struggle with their sexuality and are in denial. They don't by married because they 're selfish boy, you ignorant person. It's society and what is considered norm that does that.