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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

365 replies

User3billion · 19/09/2022 10:53

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

OP posts:
Kazza26Mc · 20/09/2022 18:27

Sorry!!...new to this and posted in the wrong place!!! Dont know how to move it now!! 😬😬

Pyewhacket · 20/09/2022 18:36

No chance in our house. Mine are 19, 16 and 14 so unless it's locked away it's open season, especially cakes, chocolate, crisps or biscuits. My husband is sneaky and keeps a secret stash of Jaffa cakes in his workshop. 😄

Annierob · 20/09/2022 18:47

I think it’s best to treat all the children the same otherwise you do have falling out between siblings. Anything you don’t want the children to eat - hide.
Whatever you want will be the most wanted thing to eat in the house.
i think eldest would have liked you to say we missed you and saved some of our special treat for you.

Laurama91 · 20/09/2022 18:53

My brother used to do this too. To the point that my dad used to have to buy 2 of some things and tell me to take 1 upstairs to ensure I got some. I left chocolate for the next day, he ate it. Said he didn't think I wanted it because i didn't want it there and then. We both had 1 bar each and I didnt get one. I think its rude

Panjandrum123 · 20/09/2022 18:55

User3billion · 20/09/2022 15:05

And fwiw, the people who said "it's what (some) teens do" were far more helpful, because it made me think that perhaps I am being a bit harsh on him. Perhaps I need to work on the letting me know there's none left angle so I'm able to manage the expectations of the little one and/or send him to the shop whichever is appropriate.

Also, it will still never be ok for him/anyone else to nick my chocolate. It's mine and it's practically a hanging offence to assume otherwise Wink

With you all the way @User3billion. My youngest leaves wrappers everywhere. He will nosh through a pack of chocolate biscuits and leave the packaging out so you think you’re in with a chance of getting one. The older teen is better but likes to occupy the moral high ground when his brother is caught out.

I now have a tiny cupboard that I pop my Tunnocks Caramel Wafers in, what’s in there is mine and not to be touched. They will sometimes put something in there and tell me “it’s mine, please don’t eat it”. I share most things with them but just sometimes it’s nice to have something for yourself, especially chocolate.

Cameleongirl · 20/09/2022 18:58

@Panjandrum123 experienced this, the box is still on the shelf, I pick it up and realize that it's empty (or only one biscuit's left)!

Angelinflipflops · 20/09/2022 19:01

I can't get too worked up about stolen/sharing food

CactusBlossom · 20/09/2022 19:03

Looks like you might need to have colour-coded boxes and/or labels!

You buy the food, you decide who gets to eat what. Eldest asked, was told no, then not only scoffed it, but fibbed about it, and left the empty wrapper there! If eldest had not asked, it could be argued eldest didn't know it was already earmarked for use. How can you plan for meals if you don't know what's going to be there?

I remember having self-invited adult guests who not only went for a walk leaving the front door wide open, but scoffed what they could find in the fridge then sat in front of it so no-one else could get at the little that remained... They obviously didn't think they were acting improperly (or didn't care). Perhaps chat with the eldest to clarify "no means no" and why you need to know what's available for planning meals?

Tessabelle74 · 20/09/2022 19:31

As your eldest had been away, you got the crepes as a treat for the little ones, so in effect, the eldest had a trip AND a treat, I get why you'd be upset too! YANBU

ohmyohmy123 · 20/09/2022 19:31

We use a trunk with a lock to put all school snacks etc otherwise oldest will inhale everything. Even fruit shoot drinks which are 1 sip to them!

GoldenSpiral · 20/09/2022 19:44

I think the eldest is old enough to know better and that this behaviour is disrespectful. YANBU!

threatmatrix · 20/09/2022 19:54

My youngest (26) has always done this, even if it’s hidden. I could bury a box of sweets in the garden and he would find them, buy myself a nice can of drink, he will drink it, it’s infuriating and I go mad but he just doesn’t care, he’s good in other ways 🤦🏼‍♀️

threatmatrix · 20/09/2022 19:55

Why is it strange to have a certain item for a certain child? Kids need to be treated as individuals.

Mumontour85 · 20/09/2022 20:13

He asked and you said no because they were for little ones pudding or treat, right?!

Your little ones eat their treats and go to bed, and all is good in the world and as it should be.

Your oldest then comes along, sees spare crepes and eats them.

Your little couldn't have any for breakfast and you assume oldest is the devil and took and has eaten them?!

Bonkers. Your poor son.

Some folds etc., are unacceptable to take, but this?! Bonkers.

Blueink · 20/09/2022 20:24

Not too surprising because of their age, but YANBU to be annoyed by the general behaviour, especially your birthday chocolate, packets not being thrown away and not owning up.
In the example of the pancakes tho, like PP I would have let eldest returning from camp have one when they asked. Given youngest had pancake already and there were other things to eat, I wouldn’t have been annoyed if the eldest ate them and didn’t offer to youngest. It would have been thoughtful but eldest is a sibling and 14, so YABU to expect it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/09/2022 20:32

Angelinflipflops · 20/09/2022 19:01

I can't get too worked up about stolen/sharing food

@Angelinflipflops

good for you

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/09/2022 20:35

Mumontour85 · 20/09/2022 20:13

He asked and you said no because they were for little ones pudding or treat, right?!

Your little ones eat their treats and go to bed, and all is good in the world and as it should be.

Your oldest then comes along, sees spare crepes and eats them.

Your little couldn't have any for breakfast and you assume oldest is the devil and took and has eaten them?!

Bonkers. Your poor son.

Some folds etc., are unacceptable to take, but this?! Bonkers.

@Mumontour85

why would he think the crepes were spare?? Because they weren’t in anyone’s mouths at that precise moment??

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/09/2022 20:36

threatmatrix · 20/09/2022 19:54

My youngest (26) has always done this, even if it’s hidden. I could bury a box of sweets in the garden and he would find them, buy myself a nice can of drink, he will drink it, it’s infuriating and I go mad but he just doesn’t care, he’s good in other ways 🤦🏼‍♀️

@threatmatrix

how selfish!

does he do that with his mates and/or bf/gf?

Andypandy799 · 20/09/2022 20:49

Well if we’re your son I would be upset as it looks like favouritism against his siblings. My dd and ds just help themselves to whatever they want and once it’s gone it’s gone, but I do sometimes have to tell ds to leave some for me and his ds 😆

HappyinChester · 20/09/2022 20:52

your Poor 14 year old must feel so unwelcome and unwanted. That is serious cruelty. I cannot imagine giving food to the younger two and not the eldest. He’s only 14.
stop being so mean. That’s like mental torture. I’m glad he eat your chocolate as well.
you are mean

Lemons1571 · 20/09/2022 20:57

threatmatrix · 20/09/2022 19:54

My youngest (26) has always done this, even if it’s hidden. I could bury a box of sweets in the garden and he would find them, buy myself a nice can of drink, he will drink it, it’s infuriating and I go mad but he just doesn’t care, he’s good in other ways 🤦🏼‍♀️

At the age of 26 I would expect more self control. What if he has his own kids? Is he likely to eat all their Christmas chocolate and Easter eggs because he just doesn’t care?

lightisnotwhite · 20/09/2022 21:10

HappyinChester · 20/09/2022 20:52

your Poor 14 year old must feel so unwelcome and unwanted. That is serious cruelty. I cannot imagine giving food to the younger two and not the eldest. He’s only 14.
stop being so mean. That’s like mental torture. I’m glad he eat your chocolate as well.
you are mean

Yes and the younger two not getting any money for sweets or a fun week away, What an appalling mother. What if the Op didn’t do anything for the younger ones? Clearly favouring the older one.
The 14 year old was just being lazy and or greedy as Op says there’s lots of other food.No one needs crepes especially if you’ve just had a special trip and money to buy whatever sweet stuff you want.

WhereAreTheLostPens · 20/09/2022 21:23

RoomOfRequirement · 19/09/2022 12:01

How odd. It's a crepe! I can't imagine allowing younger siblings to eat most of the packet and then not allowing the eldest 2! That stinks of some weird favoritism thing.

Birthday treats are different. But it's so weird for general foods.

I think this is the crux of it. Mum favours the younger two and was hoping to come on AIBU with a random story about crepes, to have her belief that her oldest is the bad kid confirmed.

LoveComedy · 20/09/2022 21:25

Agreed.

HTH1 · 20/09/2022 21:44

Just buy enough pancakes for everyone FFS. I would have been fine with eldest doing that and would just have bought more asap (though likely would have overcatered in the first place).