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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 19/09/2022 10:57

If you invite someone to your home for dinner then the expectation is that your cooking for your guests. If you invite them around for a takeaway then I think it’s fair that everyone pays for their own food.
Its awkward what happened here OP thought host was cooking.
I find threads like these mad. How do so many reach adulthood without picking up on basic social norms and expectations.

washingbasketqueen · 19/09/2022 10:59

Can't believe some of the responses here. If I invited a friend for dinner I would expect to feed them- either by cooking something or if I couldn't be arsed then buying something. I wouldn't expect my guest to pay for it. If the op's friend wanted them to get a takeaway then this should've been discussed in advance. Friend was an extra cf by asking op to to pay half when was only 2 of them.

Paigeycakey · 19/09/2022 11:03

The orchid is believable I knew it would be from M&S they sell a few different types and some in nice vases too!

£92 sounds a lot to me BUT based on OP 2 adults and 4 kids it's not much really when you break it down individually especially as it was a restaurant. Things like ribs are pricey so yes it will soon add up.

I think if you have 3 kids and the other friend has 1 DC it's not fair to be halving bills but I don't know your friendship dynamics.

Prettybutdumb · 19/09/2022 11:19

avamiah · 19/09/2022 01:56

@IAmAReader

I’m never going to do that again.
As the old saying goes “Once Bitten Twice Shy “.

It cost me a lot of money to be invited to her home for dinner but I would of always of took gifts as that’s me .

You got away with it cheaply. We got invited for dinner - sort of. The little ones was supposed to have a play date and she offered to cook their tea. Once we arrived it turned into ‘my kid is too fussy, I’d rather do a takeaway rather than have them throw a fit over what I cook. Do you have the Deliveroo app?’ I’m non-confrontational so I opened the app, ordered an adult dish to share for my little ones and she picked FIVE dishes for the fussy kid, so there was a good selection and increase the chance there’s something they’ll like. It was a fortune and I wasn’t offered any money towards it, no. But it was also the last time I stepped foot in her house and she chased for another play date for months and months. It never happened, she’s dead to me.

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 19/09/2022 11:32

Actually this reminds me of a friend who I briefly yet regularly visitsd for a takeaway for 'us' yet it was never her turn to pay as I had the restaurant details on my phone whatever that means. I think it happened four times. It wasn't expensive but I got so sick of it, never went again and thoroughly downgraded our friendships to a text or two every few months.

rwalker · 19/09/2022 11:43

Puppers · 18/09/2022 22:53

You expected your friend to pay for a takeaway for you and your child? There is a CF in the story and it isn’t your mate.

she should of paid 1/3 not half basically dishes bought her friends kids tea

AnneElliott · 19/09/2022 11:44

She's the CF here. She invited you for dinner so she provides it - including paying for a takeaway if that's what she chooses to do.

Different if you casually went robbed and she said 'shall we get some food in?' As in that case you should pay for your share.

But super cheeky to get her to subsidise her and her kids!

AnneElliott · 19/09/2022 11:45

Went round* not robbed!

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 11:46

Wow you're a bit entitled. You expected her to pay for your kid's and yours takeaway? I've gone to my friends and vice versa and we've always gone halves.

LongLivedQueen · 19/09/2022 11:55

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 11:46

Wow you're a bit entitled. You expected her to pay for your kid's and yours takeaway? I've gone to my friends and vice versa and we've always gone halves.

Another one who failed to grasp any of the point!

Can you read? Or did you perhaps just read half of the OP...and get confused even at that?

Readaboutyourself · 19/09/2022 11:56

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 11:46

Wow you're a bit entitled. You expected her to pay for your kid's and yours takeaway? I've gone to my friends and vice versa and we've always gone halves.

She was invited over for dinner. She expected dinner without a fee.

That’s not entitlement just common sense.

giveovernate · 19/09/2022 12:01

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 11:46

Wow you're a bit entitled. You expected her to pay for your kid's and yours takeaway? I've gone to my friends and vice versa and we've always gone halves.

But she was invited for dinner, acted appropriately by bringing wine and a gift and then had it sprung on her it was a takeaway not dinner and she had to pay more than her fair share as well!

Lalalolol · 19/09/2022 12:02

whatsup00 · 19/09/2022 00:04

I hate how people re looking down on others or implying that it's bad manners to split a bill. For a start, not everyone is in the same financial situation. To me, I would always offer to pay half - it makes it easier for both of us so one person isn't left with an expensive bill, and it's also what's agreed/always been done. To me it's actually more fair. And actually, it turns out to be pretty much the same - as both people are paying half each time, instead of alternating with one person paying the entire thing, and the next time the other person paying the entire thing. It isn't rude, or classless, or any of the other negative things that have been mentioned. Being judgemental, on the other hand - or not understanding that maybe not everyone could pay the entire bill each time - is creeping towards those things.

Noone is looking down on those who are less well off and share the bill.
Most posters are responding to Op or those defending the friend. Because in this specific case, friend does not meet your criteria -
a) not struggling financially
b) chose an expensive takeaway option, which doesn't suggest she is poor
c) invited Op for dinner, not takeaway to share
d) ordered very expensive dish and didn't share
e) made OP pay half 45 when Op's order was only worth 24 and on top accepted Op' gift and wine
So looking at this specific scenario and not hypothetical ones, Op's friend was CF and a self centred host

VroomVrooom · 19/09/2022 12:10

GraceandMolly · 19/09/2022 09:48

Each should have paid for their own food.

So when you invite people round for dinner, you charge them….?!?!?

VroomVrooom · 19/09/2022 12:16

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 11:46

Wow you're a bit entitled. You expected her to pay for your kid's and yours takeaway? I've gone to my friends and vice versa and we've always gone halves.

Yet another cheeky fucker reveals themselves.

LimeTwists · 19/09/2022 12:19

They are expensive and I think if you get one for a night in, you assume that you pay for what you order, same as if you passed a takeaway on a night out together. My friend has had two takeaways at my house and has never offered to contribute. She ordered lots of pricey things, knowing she had no intention of paying for any if it so I won’t order one for her again.

LongLivedQueen · 19/09/2022 12:25

LimeTwists · 19/09/2022 12:19

They are expensive and I think if you get one for a night in, you assume that you pay for what you order, same as if you passed a takeaway on a night out together. My friend has had two takeaways at my house and has never offered to contribute. She ordered lots of pricey things, knowing she had no intention of paying for any if it so I won’t order one for her again.

And another one!

I'm going to be generous and assume you're all too distracted by the funeral to either read or think properly. Its just too depressing otherwise

Lalalolol · 19/09/2022 12:33

Thatboymum · 19/09/2022 00:30

I think your the CF for ordering a few dishes cause you assumed you weren’t paying for it. I’m baffled as to why you think you shouldn’t of had to pay your own way and also what the relevance is to her having a big house

Did you even read OP completely? Op was invited for dinner not takeaway to share.
If she was that cheap, why did she buy gift and wine for friend?

Also in further post, Op explained her share of bill was 24 while friend order very expensive dishes and didn't share. So why Op had to pay 47 plus for the wine and gift 26, which is £73 while friend stayed in comfort of her home received gift and paid even less than Op for meal herself and 3 kids. Op paid 47 for a meal for two and friend 45 for 4 of her family 😳

Lalalolol · 19/09/2022 12:37

RainingRubies · 19/09/2022 00:51

Oh I see now she invited you for dinner and you took gifts for her as the host. In that case expecting you to pay was rude.

But it was in her Op, in the first para (line 4) that she took a bottle of prosecco and a gift to friend's house.
Why are posters like you are so eager to write without even reading the Op's first paragraph?

Lalalolol · 19/09/2022 12:45

RainingRubies · 19/09/2022 01:22

Hmmm. With something like that and such a trivial amount, she probably forgot? Did you ask her for it? Does she ever pick up the tab for you both when you go out for coffee/ meals?

I couldn't get worked up over £10. I am surprised you even remember that. Generally with my friends we alternate paying but nobody keeps tally of what the bills were: if someone else pays the bill in a restaurant of course you don't usually see how much it is anyway! But this recent thing with the takeaway was rude because she had asked you to dinner so the expectation is that she provides food.

Show quote history

Do you also forget to pay what you borrow or only pay if it is a non trivial amount? Do you also forget that your invited friend her child for dinner and that they got gift for you?
Do you also forget that you had ordered expensive dishes for your family of 4 and your friend ordered only 1/3rd of your order value and then round it off to lower value 45 and make friend pay 47? How conveniently forgetful to pay her share.

Btw, Op wasn't even complaining about this, only gave this info when a poster asked.

holidaynightmare · 19/09/2022 13:08

@avamiah
She doesn't sound like a friend she sounds like you need to remove her from your life
You don't need people like this

Loveatakeawaybut · 19/09/2022 13:18

We often have friends over for dinner which they enjoy and we enjoy going to theirs.

But recently they’ve started this business of inviting us over to catch up and for a takeaway. Did it once and thought ok but the second time the takeaway was £150 for 8 of us so £75 for each family!

Can understand that you don’t always want to prepare a meal if having friends over but I would never have thought of inviting someone over for takeaway. Would probably say it’s just cake/nibbles etc.

Will politely decline if takeaways are suggested in future.

FitAt50 · 19/09/2022 13:19

PLEASE READ HER POST IN FULL BEFORE VOTING.

  1. Was invited for dinner
  2. Just OP and her 12 her year old child (2 people)
  3. Friend who invited her for dinner had 3 children (4 people)
  4. Was asked to pay 1/2 the total cost

Friend is way out of order, those voting otherwise need to have a word with themselves #NoClass

Wombatbum · 19/09/2022 13:20

I would have paid for what I ordered…

Opaljewel · 19/09/2022 13:20

I have the thread oh sanctimonious one. 🙄

I still would pay my half for a take away. If they were cooking themselves then no I wouldn't pay towards that obviously.

My friends do invite me over to have a takeaway at their house but never would I expect them to pay for it?

I am socialising with them but I don't expect them to cover me and my kids if I had any. I just think that's cheeky.

And yes I've taken things before like dessert or whatnot.

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