Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

[avamiah]

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

I would have expected/assumed I’d pay for what I ordered. I’d be put out if it was unfairly split in half if there was an inbalance in what was ordered but I wouldn’t be put out by having to pay my bit. I would have said before ordering though, ‘we’ll each pay for what we ordered’. Just to make sure I knew where we stood.

I probably would have handed over the money too but like you op I would be shocked and frankly, disgusted.

She is a bad mannered CF, no doubt about it. She invited you for dinner, you brought gifts.

No way should you have expected to pay any of it, certainly not half. On top of that she chose the expensive restaurant.

I would not be bothered with her again. The most (depending on my humour) I would have said was "I wasn't expecting to pay given you invited us" but even that's unlikely.

She sounds like a shit hostess

YANBU op

don’t see how anyone could think otherwise tbh op

I wonder if the people telling OP she's in the wrong are the same people on other threads saying they can't keep friends and fall out with family? Their quite appalling manners would indicate a strong reason why that might be.

There is no argument to be had here. When you invite someone to your house for dinner, you provide the food. End of story. A 5 yer old could tell you that (a propery raised one, anyway)

@avamiah I meant you as in a person, not you as in you. I don't know anyone who has £45 for a takeaway and wasn't saying you do. Sorry for the confusion

In fairness, its in the OP and was not revealed later.

No it isn't. OP didn't mention being invited over for dinner beforehand. Chinese was suggested while she was there and the suggestion was shall "we" order?

I don't agree with how much OP paid, but she didn't say dinner was part of the plans originally.

At face value I was going to say your unreasonable to expect her to pay for your takeaway! But actually if she invited you for dinner I think she should have provided it and so if she didn't cook it then she should pay.

I think what should have happened was that she should have said 'lets get a takeaway', you should have offered to pay your share and then she should have turned you down.

I don't scrimp on takeaways but £92 seems ridiculous.

Ignore me.

Having read more of your postings (sorry should read all before I post) she certainly is a CF. I’d be keeping my distance from her as I get put off people very easily and can never quite get back to where we were, this would definitely make me feel cool towards her. You are not wrong for feeling put out.

You’ve paid double of what your bill was. I would be so annoyed with myself for handing over £45 when I know my bill was half of that. Why didn’t you say my half is £24 so I’ll give you that? I don’t think it’s rude expecting you to pay for your own food but it’s extremely rude expecting you to pay double, especially when you invited for dinner

I’m willing to bet one orchid and a bottle of Prosecco that this is ending up in the Daily Mail

She invited OP and OP has ended up paying more than the host did, despite being only 1/3 of the people present

I think if she genuinely invited you for dinner and she didn't cook but ordered takeaway instead then she should pay for it.

If it was a casual invitation to drop over and we can order food then I would pay for whatever I ordered.

Now i really really want Chinese takeaway tonight instead of chicken and pasta which is on our meal plan.

As I understand it, your friend invited you for dinner and a catch up. You took gifts. She then suggested a takeaway. It sounds as if she never intended to ‘cook’ in the first place.

So, firstly, she should have checked with you whether you were happy to pay for a takeaway BEFORE you went. Since she didn’t and you turned up with prosecco and an orchid (I agree, by the way, they last ages and are much better value than cut flowers), it should have been bloody obvious that you were expecting her to provide dinner and she should have just sucked it up and paid for it all herself. I’d might have offered to pay my share if I were you, but no way was she entitled to expect it.

At best she was thoughtless, but based on what you say about previous form - yup, she’s a CF.

Every word of what @MaggieFS said here! If you’re invited round for dinner, that way different from being invited round for a takeaway.

Seeing as it's a takeaway, I would have offered to pay half. Takeaways are expensive. It's no different than eating out at a restaurant. Who pays then? Surely both of you paying half each.

But you are missing the point! She was invited to dinner and, like a thoughtful guest, took a plant and a bottle for her friend.

If it was planned beforehand that they were having a takeaway, fine. But that wasn't the deal.

I really don't know why it's so hard for so many posters to grasp the difference.

She’s put you in a bad position, are you supposed to say ‘I’ll just pay for my own’ and sound a bit fussy? Really unfair of her, you’ve paid way over the odds and effectively paid for 2 of her kids to eat.

I'm trying to decide if you really don't understand the difference or you're just being provocative. I'm leaning to the former....

When you meet friends in a restaurant, you take money to pay. You know you will pay for your food. You don't give wine and gifts to the restaurant for hosting you.
Conversely, when someone invites you to their house for dinner, they make and serve you food, which they have paid for. You give them wine and flowers.

Now, do you see how inviting someone to your home for dinner, taking the wine and flowers, and then ordering food from a restaurant and then expecting your friend to pay for their own food and half of yours is not ok?

Do you understand how its nothing at all like arranging to go out to eat in a restaurant in the first place?

Is it also normal to subsidize host's meal after you brought her presents?

When you invite someone to your house for dinner, you need to provide dinner.

What did host do for this evening with friend, sat in her house lazily, then order takeaway from her favourite Chinese restaurant, then asked Op to £45 when op's share was only worth £24. This is no way to treat a friend. Op made efforts to visit friend, brought her gifts and friend in return made OP pay extra. That's a user friend.

I hope you are not that kind of host.

I'm not sure what an orchard is in this context?

I would expect to pay half for a take away but it's a bit odd if you weren't expecting it to be a take away.

You couldn't work out that its an orchid? Or read any of the posts that state its a typo for orchid? Or even see the photo of an orchid?

The dumbing down is real folks.

OP did not 'go for a takeaway with her friend'. She was invited to dinner. A takeaway was not in the plan.