Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
Lunificent · 19/09/2022 08:47

The people who are saying you that you always contribute to takeaway cost are ignoring the fact that the OP was invited to dinner. The OP brought gifts because she’d been invited to dinner.

OP - she’s not good friend. She’s a CF.

Summerfun54321 · 19/09/2022 08:48

Fine to pay for a takeaway but you weren’t invited to a takeaway you were invited to dinner and therefore brought gifts as your contribution. I would have paid for what you ordered and taken the gifts home again! So exceptionally rude and cheeky of your friend!!

benning · 19/09/2022 08:48

londonrach · 19/09/2022 07:07

Of course you pay for the food you ordered....did it come to £45. I wouldn't pay half if not. You can't expect your friend to pay for your food

YES YOU CAN IF THEY INVITE YOU DINNER!

Sorry to shout, but please read the thread.

giveovernate · 19/09/2022 08:49

HairyMothballs · 19/09/2022 07:54

The total was £92??! Bloody hell, I would have preferred something at Wetherspoons, or even beans on toast. You should have expected to have paid for your own, at least, though.

I we t to Wetherspoons with a friend yesterday, she ordered her 5 year old daughter the tomato and cheese pasta, it came with a drink and some fake fruit thing. It looked and smelt absolutely revolting, her DD would not touch it and I didn't blame her.

Cost £5 and then my friend had to get a further lunch when we left there.

So "enjoy" tour Wetherspoons, whilst the rest of us tick into duck pancakes, chow menu, chop suey and pork balls 😋

ehb102 · 19/09/2022 08:50

Does no one have any sense of hospitality any more?

If you ask someone to eat with you, you provide the food.

Goldencarp · 19/09/2022 08:50

Well personally if I invited people for dinner I wouldn’t expect them to pay. If I’d said do you fancy coming over for a takeaway then that’s different.

i also wouldn’t expect someone to pay half no matter what.

billy1966 · 19/09/2022 08:53

OP,

She's not a friend and she definitely thinks you are a soft touch.

She was unbelievably rude and a CF.

Learn from it.

Make this the last time someone makes a fool of you.

MinervaTerrathorn · 19/09/2022 08:53

I'd expect to pay for what I ordered, not half. If both parties had been ordering for two with similar amounts of food so there wasn't much difference then I'd be happy to split. Not if she's ordering for double the people!

44PumpLane · 19/09/2022 08:53

OP I'm completely with you here, if you are invited to dine at someone's house the expectation is that they provide the food. You did your part and brought a gift for the "host".

If someone suggests you come for a takeaway then yes, it's a shared cost,not what happened here though.

Or you agree in advance that host does main, you bring pudding (and then you bring a bottle also).

But what happened here is that you fulfilled your part of the reciprocity (bring a gift for the host) but she couldn't be bothered to host (cook) so instead of doing the decent thing and buying the take out she rinsed you and subsidies her take out.

To be fair I'd be stewing OP so I'm in your corner.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 19/09/2022 08:53

I voted that you were unreasonable because WTF!

Why didn’t you say “I thought you had invited me for a meal so I wasn’t expecting to have to pay towards the cost and therefore I’m only paying for the food we ate.”

It’s really not that difficult to be straightforward with a friend.

Porcupineintherough · 19/09/2022 08:54

In what world is it reasonable to:
a) ask people over for dinner
b) at dinner time tell them it's take away
c) then expect them to pay half

?

MinervaTerrathorn · 19/09/2022 08:56

ehb102 · 19/09/2022 08:50

Does no one have any sense of hospitality any more?

If you ask someone to eat with you, you provide the food.

Some friends and family do this, others prefer to split or pay for our own so it's not such a big amount to pay at once.

nettie434 · 19/09/2022 08:57

It's definitely YANBU for me. She invited you round. You bought generous gifts. The expectation was that she would provide dinner.

If she expected you to pay for the takeaway, then she should have made it clear from the start and only asked you to pay for what you ordered. I would have been angry to pay £45 when I didn't even get one crispy duck pancake. That was the giveaway that it is your friend who is being unfair: she ordered an expensive item on the menu but you and your daughter only got one pancake between you.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 19/09/2022 08:59

OP I have sympathy with you and definitely you should have only paid for your own share of the food but why on earth are you getting so defensive and rude to posters for no reason? You came into AIBU and if you have been here for years as you claim you know what the answers will be like, calm down.

BeetleManiac · 19/09/2022 08:59

Friend is clearly the CF here. She invited you for dinner and you took round an orchid and prosecco... that's more than generous for a dinner invitation and of course you're expecting her to host/cook.

Fine if she wants to get a takeaway instead of cooking, but in this situation it's on her to pay for it. Certainly not on to ask you to subsidise her share too!

It's different obviously if she had just asked you round to share a takeaway - you wouldn't have brought the orchid in that case. Still not on to expect you to pay far more than your share though.

BaileySharp · 19/09/2022 09:02

I'd expect to pay my way for takeaway. Half is probably unfair juat oay for what you ordered. If you were a bit skint when she said takeaway you should have said so and either she'd have paid or had to cook as she originally said

Nolongera · 19/09/2022 09:02

When you invite someone into your home, it's reasonable to expect you provide for them.

We have a great, good value but still top notch take away near us, we often invite people over for a drink and food.

They always brink some drink, gin or whisky, they always offer to go half's on the food and we always decline, they are our guests.

Same when we go to their house.

Some right tight arses on here.

AStar98 · 19/09/2022 09:07

YANBU OP, I read through your posts and it sounds like your friend is a dodger so unsurprising she asked you for half of the takeaway cost.
Unfortunately she's not a friend and sounds like she's taking advantage of your generosity. I wouldn't dream of inviting someone to dinner then changing my mind and making them pay half on a takeaway, especially after taking gifts with you as well.

MinervaTerrathorn · 19/09/2022 09:08

Some right tight arses on here.
Surely it works out the same if I visit a friend or family member and pay for what I order then when they visit me they do the same, as each of us paying the full bill in our own homes? Just not as big a hit in one go. One family member and I do this as it's a lot to pay for everyone at once and we still want to see each other and enjoy a takeaway occasionally.

Saz1793 · 19/09/2022 09:10

YANBU whenever I’ve invited friends over for dinner and changed my mind about cooking and ordered a takeaway. I have have paid for it. I think it would be different if you were going for a planned takeaway.

namechangeagain123456 · 19/09/2022 09:10

My friend did this to me a few weeks ago - she invited me for lunch and then said she couldn't be bothered cooking so ordered a takeaway for me, her, her DH and her DC and then said 'oh it's £35 so just send me half'. So I paid £17.50 for a cheese toastie because I'm too polite to say anything x

ExHack · 19/09/2022 09:12

You should have paid for the items you ordered.
If you were invited specifically for dinner that muddies the water a little but even so I think it's still implied that you would pay once the plan changed.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 19/09/2022 09:13

So you exorcised her to pay for your takeaway???

Exorcism is an interesting addition to this scenario.

I'm glad we cleared up the orchard business, though. I genuinely had no idea what the OP meant (I was wondering if it was cider or something).

Otherwise, what this thread shows is that you should never make assumptions about who's paying for what.

HettyHensHideaway · 19/09/2022 09:16

benning · 19/09/2022 08:48

YES YOU CAN IF THEY INVITE YOU DINNER!

Sorry to shout, but please read the thread.

Show quote history

I’ve read the thread and I still think she should contribute towards a takeaway…but I think this should have been discussed first and I think half was ridiculous if she only ordered a couple of dishes, which I presume the OP means two, in which case it would have been about £10-£15.

a takeaway is not the same as dinner. But the friend should have said all this before they ordered.

also, where the hell were you ordering from that cost £92? The whole scenario is insane.

adriftabroad · 19/09/2022 09:20

15x6 is 90. HTH.

Swipe left for the next trending thread