How to ask to only pay for what we have ordered on a meal out?

[wonderingwanderer2]

I’m due to go for a meal out with 3 old colleagues next week and, due to a couple of unexpected expenses this month, money is tight. I could afford a main and a drink but I’m worried that the others might also order starters/alcohol/numerous drinks and then just split the bill between 4 at the end, which I probably wouldn’t be able to afford. How can I ask politely that we only pay for ourselves separately?

Say it at the beginning when you are ordering.

Tell them before you order.

I would message them before you go saying I need to pay seperate etc. Then they know what is coming.

Bring it up before you order, whilst looking at the menu, just say how are we planning on splitting this because I am a bit strapped for cash at the moment and will be ordering only what I can afford, so can we please just pay for what we order?

Don't say before. Why would you say beforehand that you won't be subsidising them? It would be very rude of them to assume you would. Why would they need to know beforehand that you won't be paying for their meals? Will they be changing what they order if they have to pay for it themselves?

"There's £20 for my pasta and coke" should do it.

Tell them before you go to the meal.

I probably would say before, at least at the point of ordering. If you can, run a separate tab.

I think this is best

I don’t think you need to be “upfront” about this. Just say on the day.

Just ask the waiter to give you a separate bill and tell your colleagues you're just paying for your own food.

This.

I disagree, much better to let them know beforehand, saves any issues when the bill comes. Maybe you haven't come across any but there are many CFs who take advantage if they think the bill will be split equally

No shame in saying you're a bit short this month so can only afford whatever that is

I would also decide beforehand how you want to respond if they offer to cover you, or say something like "it's fine, chuck in your £20 and we'll get the rest". Depends on the friendship but that might be a nice gesture or excruciating so plan ahead with a polite acceptance or refusal.

I don't think it matters really whether you tell them beforehand, on the day before the meal or when the bill arrives. What will matter more is that you stick up for yourself properly. If you view the menu beforehand and decide what you want & take correct change cash, you can simply put that on the table and say - well, as much or as little as you'd like to, to be honest.

I'd email before and say something along the lines of:

"Unfortunately money is pretty tight at the moment. I don't normally like to do this, but thought I'd let you know that I'm going to have to order and pay separately for what I have, so that I know where I am with money. Sorry"!

Just say I will do a separate order thankd at the time of saying what you'd like. I really don't think people care about this kind of stuff any more if they ever did that much. Just be confident about what is best for you .

I’d mention it either in a text beforehand or just before you order. If you text beforehand there’s a chance the other three may offer to cover your bill so be prepared that this may happen.

I think this is perfect. If I were in your position, I would much rather tell my friends by message ahead of time, rather than in person on the night.

I would say beforehand you have had a tight month is it ok to have a separate bill.

Not "is it OK". It's your decision and you don't have to ask their permission.

Text them and say you need to do this before the meal, but make sure you pay your way properly. Check in advance if service is included. If it isnt make sure you allow enough for a service charge which could be 20% added to the bill.

Don't partake of any of the following unless you are going to contribute to the cost:

• bottles of wine on the table
• bottled water
• baskets of bread etc (some restaurants will be a bit naughty and bring these then replenish them throughout the meal, charging it to the bill each time).
• shared side dishes or starters

I wouldn't apologise it whatever, you're not in the wrong or on the back foot. I would just say "I'll sort my own out thanks" and decline any shared wine or whatever.

Mention it beforehand.

As long as you say either beforehand or before anyone starts calculating once the bill arrives then it's fine. No need to give notice, no need to apologise or ask permission. They can still split the remainder of the bill if they want, you are just saying what you will be doing.

I'm not sure you have to warn them beforehand - if they're CFs who will order more because they think it's getting subsidised, that's their problem.