Page 6 | How to ask to only pay for what we have ordered on a meal out?

wonderingwanderer2 · 2022-09-18T16:59:55+00:00

I’m due to go for a meal out with 3 old colleagues next week and, due to a couple of unexpected expenses this month, money is tight. I could afford a main and a drink but I’m worried that the others might also order starters/alcohol/numerous drinks and then just split the bill between 4 at the end, which I probably wouldn’t be able to afford. How can I ask politely that we only pay for ourselves separately?

YumYummy · 19/09/2022 08:37

It’s not a big deal to say order some olives when the others have starters for say £3, a cheap main for £15, a Coke for £4 and pay £25 in total. When the bill arrives be assertive and say mine comes to about £22 so here’s £25. Either give £25 as cash or ask to pay £25 on your card. It’s not difficult maths for the others to calculate their share however they are going to divide it up.
Have a look at the menu beforehand so you know the prices.

Aprilx · 19/09/2022 08:39

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 08:08

I disagree.

The PP I quoted originally quoted another poster who mentioned bringing down the vibe and said 'thats what I was thinking too' and then proceeded to say they thought it was embarrassing to count pennies. I think that makes them sound like a shit friend personally. They'd rather someone didn't come to a meal at all than come and pay for what they can afford and not be 'embarrassing'.

Show quote history

I said “that was what I was thinking” when somebody said if you are strapped for cash then don’t go. I have also said that I have never encountered a scenario where one person has three courses and another has a side sale, when I go out people generally “match”. As such, I would never be stung for more than a £1 or two and if that really did make such a massive difference to me, then I would reconsider going as I would have other financial priorities.

For some reason you appear to have taken great offence and be twisting what I have clearly explained into something else. You really do need to calm down.

sugarcrepes · 19/09/2022 08:50

Just sit down and say 'I'll be paying for my own, hope that's ok, I've had a couple of unexpected bills' groan, change subject.

I think it happens more and more and technology has moved on so that it's so much easier for the restaurant to manage. In fact in some places the waiter asks before you order.

Don't overthink it!

MermaidMummy06 · 19/09/2022 08:58

Tell them before you order you'll just be paying for your own because of finances.

I remember going to a restaurant where DH & I ordered carefully as we were trying to save money. The other couple ordered carafe after carafe of wine plus cocktails then said to waiter we were splitting the bill. They were aghast when we said no. It ruined the night as it became awkward. It never crossed my mind they'd expect us, who ordered only a main and water, to pay for their alcohol bill. I don't think they'd have bought so much if they'd known we weren't subsidising it.

Zwicky · 19/09/2022 09:00

“Shall we just split?” Only works if you’ve all had pretty much the same or if the drinkers and pudding eaters shout up “ok, but I’ll put in an extra £x because mine was expensive and Sarah isn’t drinking so she shouldn’t pay as much”. It’s only cringey when the people who’ve ordered loads just sit there smugly pretending they are so chill with money and aren’t at all penny pinching or vibe killing or petty provincial bank clerk types with change purses and nonchalantly chuck in £30 for their £50 meal. If you HATE paying your way or people working out what they’ve had and what their share is then get in first and make sure your friends aren’t subbing you. It only takes a second to say “it’s £150 including tip but I had steak and a brandy so I’ll pay more and I think Sarah’s was only £9 and she’s been on tap water”. You shouldn’t wait for Sarah to point out that you are asking her to pay for 3x what she ate while you pay half of what you ate and pretend it’s all Sarah’s fault for being a vibe kill.

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 09:15

MermaidMummy06 · 19/09/2022 08:58

Tell them before you order you'll just be paying for your own because of finances.

I remember going to a restaurant where DH & I ordered carefully as we were trying to save money. The other couple ordered carafe after carafe of wine plus cocktails then said to waiter we were splitting the bill. They were aghast when we said no. It ruined the night as it became awkward. It never crossed my mind they'd expect us, who ordered only a main and water, to pay for their alcohol bill. I don't think they'd have bought so much if they'd known we weren't subsidising it.

Which is wgy it is always better to say when ordering that you will just pay for your own. I really don't understand the angst about this.

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 09:20

why, not wgy

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 09:27

Goodnesss · 19/09/2022 08:08

I disagree.

The PP I quoted originally quoted another poster who mentioned bringing down the vibe and said 'thats what I was thinking too' and then proceeded to say they thought it was embarrassing to count pennies. I think that makes them sound like a shit friend personally. They'd rather someone didn't come to a meal at all than come and pay for what they can afford and not be 'embarrassing'.

Show quote history

Getting a calculator out and working it out to the exact penny is a bit embarrassing. Working it out to the nearest £1 absolutely fine though.

Jaaxe · 19/09/2022 09:28

Zwicky · 19/09/2022 09:00

“Shall we just split?” Only works if you’ve all had pretty much the same or if the drinkers and pudding eaters shout up “ok, but I’ll put in an extra £x because mine was expensive and Sarah isn’t drinking so she shouldn’t pay as much”. It’s only cringey when the people who’ve ordered loads just sit there smugly pretending they are so chill with money and aren’t at all penny pinching or vibe killing or petty provincial bank clerk types with change purses and nonchalantly chuck in £30 for their £50 meal. If you HATE paying your way or people working out what they’ve had and what their share is then get in first and make sure your friends aren’t subbing you. It only takes a second to say “it’s £150 including tip but I had steak and a brandy so I’ll pay more and I think Sarah’s was only £9 and she’s been on tap water”. You shouldn’t wait for Sarah to point out that you are asking her to pay for 3x what she ate while you pay half of what you ate and pretend it’s all Sarah’s fault for being a vibe kill.

EXACTLY THIS ^^

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 09:28

Getting a calculator out and working it out to the exact penny is a bit embarrassing

I don't know anyone who would be embarrassed about that. Not everyone is good at mental arithmatic.

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 09:29

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 09:27

Getting a calculator out and working it out to the exact penny is a bit embarrassing. Working it out to the nearest £1 absolutely fine though.

Show quote history

Even if that means rounding it down so the rest of the group cover the 35p or whatever it is. Just make it a whole number so there's no need for calculators.

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 09:29

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 09:28

Getting a calculator out and working it out to the exact penny is a bit embarrassing

I don't know anyone who would be embarrassed about that. Not everyone is good at mental arithmatic.

Just use the calculator to work it out to the nearest £1 otherwise it can take ages

santorinii · 19/09/2022 09:52

Oh god, this is the story of my life. I am vegetarian and my food tends to cost less than meat meals eg £30 for a steak vs my £17 pasta. Or £5 for bread vs £10 for a meat board starter. I always subsidise others when we split the bill and pay £10 over what my food came to. It’s not a couple of £ at all. I usually even it out by buying an extra cocktail.

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 09:59

santorinii · 19/09/2022 09:52

Oh god, this is the story of my life. I am vegetarian and my food tends to cost less than meat meals eg £30 for a steak vs my £17 pasta. Or £5 for bread vs £10 for a meat board starter. I always subsidise others when we split the bill and pay £10 over what my food came to. It’s not a couple of £ at all. I usually even it out by buying an extra cocktail.

No one should buy the steak unless its all agreed imo

Salacia · 19/09/2022 10:26

It sounds like they’re not very nice people if this is something you’re worried about.

When I go out with people it’s always a mix of splitting/paying your own way etc but it depends very much on the group and what’s been ordered (e.g. everyone’s had 3 courses at a similar cost + wine = split, one person had a starter and tap water and everyone else had 3 courses + wine = pay for what you’ve had/starter person pays for theirs and split the remainder). Mostly it’s pay for what you’ve had or one person pays the whole thing and everyone sends the cash to them.

Do you actually have to go though? If you honestly think that they’re automatically going to try and rip you off to the point of being this worried in advance then why not just decline or have a migraine on the day etc. Life’s too short to spend time with awful people.

If you don’t have any reason to suspect that they’ll be anything other than relaxed when it comes to paying I wouldn’t text in advance. Otherwise it looks like you’re pre-emptively calling them CFs. I’d find that quite insulting tbh. Just enjoy your lunch and when the bill comes smile and say mine came to x and put your cash down/get out your card. But as I said, it’s probably better not to lunch with them full stop if you know they’re out to scam you!

MinervaTerrathorn · 19/09/2022 11:05

Jaaxe · 19/09/2022 09:28

EXACTLY THIS ^^

Show quote history

Ditto!

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 19/09/2022 11:23

Salchipapas · 18/09/2022 19:36

Probably an unpopular opinion but if you are that strapped for cash, just don't go! There is nothing worse than people who won't split the bill and whip out their calculators to work out to the penny what they had-these are usually the people who don't tip! It really brings the vibe down, in many cultures this would be seen as poor manners and mortifying! In my opinion eiher go out and enjoy yourself and split the bill and tip evenly or stay home.

Really? Nothing worse at all? It’s much worse if a person would prefer their friend to stay at home just because they’re not rolling in it. I wouldn’t want to be your friend.

Some of the suggested messages are so patronising to the OP. Why should she apologise for only paying her own way. If others decide to order less or cheaper food because the OP doesn’t want to subsidise them then they are CFs. A simple, “I’m not drinking so I’ll just get my own today” is perfect and if they don’t like it, they’re not nice people. Don’t apologise, explain or make a big deal of it.

PepperRed · 19/09/2022 11:37

Agree. Mention before. Possibly discuss with server/host too.

ironingboredrefusal · 19/09/2022 11:41

Who on Earth spits bills like that?! You just pay for your own - why would you do it any other way unless you are treating someone to a meal?

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 12:45

There is nothing worse than people who won't split the bill

I'm glad that none of my friends are like you @Salchipapas.

Last time we went out as three couples we did split the bill, but the couple who had starters and desserts paid for the taxi to make up the difference.

When I go out on my own with other friends or workmates we usually just pay for our own if we have something significantly different in price or if some of us aren't drinking. All my friends have a sense of fairness.

Just use the calculator to work it out to the nearest £1 otherwise it can take ages

Yes, we wouldn't bother about the pennies @properdoughnut

Dragonskin · 19/09/2022 19:18

ironingboredrefusal · 19/09/2022 11:41

Who on Earth spits bills like that?! You just pay for your own - why would you do it any other way unless you are treating someone to a meal?

I very very rarely have come across a group that pays for their own, it is far more usual in my experience for a group of 4 to split the bill by 4

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 20:57

I very very rarely have come across a group that pays for their own, it is far more usual in my experience for a group of 4 to split the bill by 4

So you all drink or none of you drink?
I live in a rural area and some of us will be driving so it would be very unfair to subsidise someone esle drinking. Also the local pub meals are very different in price.

Dragonskin · 20/09/2022 17:17

If only some people were drinking we'd knock the alcohol off and split that only amongst the drinkers, but absolutely not faff around working out who had what for dinner that would just be split equally.

Dragonskin · 20/09/2022 17:21

Besides if you go out with the same group regularly there will be some times you pay a couple of quid more than you've had, and times that you've paid a couple of quid less, some times you are driving, sometimes you are drinking. It usually evens out

RampantIvy · 20/09/2022 17:27

Dragonskin · 20/09/2022 17:17

If only some people were drinking we'd knock the alcohol off and split that only amongst the drinkers, but absolutely not faff around working out who had what for dinner that would just be split equally.

Yes we do that with drinks, but the main places round here to eat are pubs, and there is a £10 price difference between the most expensive and cheapest items on some of the menus, so people do tend to pay for their own meals.