How to ask to only pay for what we have ordered on a meal out?

[wonderingwanderer2]

I’m due to go for a meal out with 3 old colleagues next week and, due to a couple of unexpected expenses this month, money is tight. I could afford a main and a drink but I’m worried that the others might also order starters/alcohol/numerous drinks and then just split the bill between 4 at the end, which I probably wouldn’t be able to afford. How can I ask politely that we only pay for ourselves separately?

Can you just turn up for dessert and coffee?
That way you get to see your friends but your bill is capped by default.

Thanks everyone, I think I will just bring it up before we order. I was worried it might be unreasonable but you have reassured me. To be clear, whilst I am strapped for cash I would never not leave a tip and it’s quite offensive that people would assume this - just because I don’t have much money doesn’t mean I would take advantage of waiters or waitresses.

Exactly it isn't all or nothing. I always round up on my part of the bill to slightly pay over .

Tell them 'I will be'. Don't ask 'is it ok if'.

No need for further explanation of your finances.

How is not tipping taking advantage of them? They're paid a wage to do their job, they're not working for free and you don't owe them a tip.

Yup fully agree. Threads like this just seem batshit. Here everything is always already split because the restaurants already seperate the bills according to what each person orders. So guest 1 on the bill has x starter, y main, and z to drink and it comes to 123. And so on for each guest. Having others paying for your meal through a split is never expected, people go out knowing they are paying for their own.

maybe take a specific amount of cash (check restaurant menu in advance so you know the cost) and then you can just put the cash down for your share

I had to do this last week. Just messaged to say that 'we should pay individually, and that way I won't be embarrassed about buying myself a bottle of champagne'. :-)

I really don't understand people saying you need to warn in advance. What difference does it make to the others? You're not asking them to calculate their individual costs, everyone else can split the bill if they choose.
I would just say when looking at the menu "I'm just going to order a main today, money's tight this month". Anyone decent would appreciate that, and would know that means you'll only be paying for what you have.
this ^ is perfect advice. I don’t understand why you should warn them beforehand? It’s nonsense.

Just go somewhere where you go up and order at the bar. That way you pay for yourself.

Just pay for what you have and your drink.
It only gets complicated if you share the wine in my opinion.
Also I love seafood and i wouldn’t expect somebody to pay towards my monk fish and prawn salad for example if they are just having a lasagne.

Just pay for your own and little bit extra if there is a service charge.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen it done like that here in the UK to be fair.

We've found that person! The one who orders 3 courses and cocktails and then wants to split the bill.

That was what I was thinking too! I have never had this experience of other people ordering huge amounts for themselves because they know the bill will be spilt. Does this honestly happen?

I have never really thought about it much, but I cannot imagine ever having been more than a couple of £s out. If I were having to count my money to the extent that a couple of pounds matters, then I really would be rethinking whether I can afford to go at all. I think whipping out a calculator and counting to a penny is just embarrassing behaviour over what realistically will be a couple of quid.

i agree with Salchipapas. Far from the bill sharers being dubbed CF ime it’s the “I will only play for myself” crowd who end up actually being the CFas they fail to take into account any extras / service charge / tips etc and leave that for the rest of the sharing group to pick up.

Is that not partly because most restaurants now add the service charge as a percentage? So if the OP has paid £20 and the others £40, the OP would be paying a smaller tip on their meal. Surely that's fair enough?

I don't mind if people want to pay for what they've had. In my experience, those that are bothered have had numerous bottles of wine, or starters and desserts, and they're annoyed not to be subsidised. I always insist on paying more if I've had more but I rarely find this happens the other way around.

When the server comes round just say confidently ‘I’ll have AB And C and can I have a separate bill for mine please’ No need to agonise. That’s what DH and I do when out with mates. Then we can economise or splash out if we feel like it without the dreadful bill splitting at the end.

That's a weird way of saying it. Why ask if you're then going to tell them. Just tell them you're only having a main so will pay seperate

Perfect

A lot of UK restaurants don't have the facility to do it and won't accommodate it, I've asked on a few occasions but it's up to big tables to split their own bills.

This happened to me the other day. Everyone said let’s split it. I said, sorry, I am on a budget and am only going to pay for what I ordered today as I am being careful. Tiny bit of awkwardness from the people I didn’t know so well. Good friends rushed to say fine, of course. I don’t like being that person, but theirs was around £70 each and mine was £30 as I don’t drink and they had been having cocktails. I was the only one paying £50 for a sitter though so my night out was more expensive than theirs in reality. It takes a little bit of assertiveness and a thick skin if it isn’t the norm in that group, but just be confident that it is your right to pay for your own share.

Why should someone split the bill evenly if their meal cost was £20 and someone else’s was £40?

If I received this I would feel insulted you felt you had to notify me ahead of time in such a hand wringing fussy way.

This always seems like a MN thing to me. Whenever I've been for a meal with friends or family we've always just paid for what we had. I couldn't imagine ever ordering shit loads for myself and expecting someone who'd ordered one thing and a drink to cough up equally for the bill.

I think you've just got lucky tbh. I often go out in a group where one or two people will just have a main and soft drinks and others go the full 3 courses and wine. It works OK for us to sort of roughly work out how much the nondrinkers/smaller eaters pay and then split the rest. It doesn't have to be exact numbers but there's usually a significant difference, especially if the big drinkers are out!

It shouldn't have been awkward. I think that's the key thing to remember OP, it's an absolutely reasonable thing to pay for your part - or maybe round it to a nice number to make the maths easier if you feel generous. But it's the people who tale offense at this who are odd.