How to ask to only pay for what we have ordered on a meal out?

[wonderingwanderer2]

I’m due to go for a meal out with 3 old colleagues next week and, due to a couple of unexpected expenses this month, money is tight. I could afford a main and a drink but I’m worried that the others might also order starters/alcohol/numerous drinks and then just split the bill between 4 at the end, which I probably wouldn’t be able to afford. How can I ask politely that we only pay for ourselves separately?

That’s just shit. If we decide to go out as friends , it’s because we like each other’s company.

my financial abilities to subsidise someone else’s choices isn’t part of that. I’ve got some well off friends who have a disposable income beyond anything I could hope for, and some ‘absolutely on the bones of their arse skint‘ friends.

order and pay for what you can afford.

So, people who count the pennies are never allowed out to enjoy a meal with friends?
TBH, the idea of splitting the bill equally when you have all ordered wildly different things boggles my mind.

Sorry, replied to the wrong post!!!

"I'm skint this month already so I'm just getting a main this time."

You never know, maybe they'll buy you a drink (or a pudding!) so they don't feel awkward.

Just make sure if you are only paying fir yourself that you include taxes, service charge etc. I hate it when people 'just pay for themselves' and put in the menu price only leaving the tax and service on their items for the rest of us

@Salchipapas there's a fair gap between whipping out a calculator to the penny and wanting not to subsidise everyone else's slap up meal. The ops ability to pay her rent is a bit more important than "the vibe' and it's perfectly possible to navigate this without the nuclear option of not going. Also Op, a lot of these suggestions are framed as a question / apology. Don't do that, either in text or at the start, probably when you don't order alcohol you can use that as the point to say "just having a quiet one tonight, on a bit if a budget ". It shouldn't need more than that.

I've sent a text many a time saying "money's tight this month ladies, so I'm orering in my budget and won't be able to pay extras' never been an issue x

I'd say that you want to pay separately because you aren't drinking, just ask for tap water- great way to save money going out for meals

I feel that unless the difference is distinctly different ie if someone ordered several cocktails it is in this case good manners to put more towards the bill. I have often noticed the people who leave early with an excuse and leave the cash are often ducking out of paying the entirety of the bill and never leave the money for the service charge and tip that as a result others have to cover. It always tends to be the people who calculate to the penny who do this.

Just ask the waitress/waiter to do you a separate tab. So easy to do if you ask when ordering, such a pain for staff, friends and yourself when you wait until the end of the meal.

I really don't understand people saying you need to warn in advance. What difference does it make to the others? You're not asking them to calculate their individual costs, everyone else can split the bill if they choose.

I would just say when looking at the menu "I'm just going to order a main today, money's tight this month". Anyone decent would appreciate that, and would know that means you'll only be paying for what you have.

I find it really cringey when people get a calculator out and start saying I only had X but you had Y. It’s good manners to split the bill evenly.

BUT if you’re genuinely strapped for cash (rather than just being tight and not wanting to split the bill) then I think that’s fine as long as you say in advance - only needs to be something simple like “I’m strapped for cash this month so hope you don’t mind but I’m going to have to just pay for my bits”. Sorted x

You need to tell them and then remind them again during the meal just in case they forget.

I am sure a lot of people could be in this situation so just in case, don't start feeling bad or embarassed about it. People have keep food on their tables and a roof on their heads now-a-days.

Honestly if I had money issues & was gonna stress like that & thought the others were big spenders , I wouldn't go or suggest meeting for a coffee or just a drink afterwards or another time. While there's nothing wrong with saying can I just pay for my coke & chips & anyone I know would be v understanding I'd find it so awkward.

It's as simple as telling the server that you'll be splitting the bill at the end, at the time of ordering. There's nothing more to it. It's common practice/not a social misstep/not something to prewarn others about/not something you need to bang on about during the meal.

I’d rather just give it a miss this month if I were you.

Im a bill splitter but I would never mind if someone wanted to pay their own bill to manage their budget. I would prefer to have this conversation in advance of the bill arriving though as I hate a faff about paying a bill.

If you regularly go out with these friends and they’re splitters, just send a text in advance to give them the heads up and then you can relax and enjoy your evening.

It’s best to organise this in advance, we always split the bill when I eat out with friends (but if some people have not drank alcohol they always put less in). I’d be more than happy to just pay for what I ate if someone wanted to do it that way

A lot of places will allow you to pay separately if you go up to the till and let them know which bits you want to pay off.

And if they’re true friends they will totally understand if you’re having a tight month.

Depends entirely on the relationship with them. If you don't feel comfortable sharing your financial curcumstances; Just take cash to cover what you get and "forget" your bank card. Don't partake in any shared items for the table.
If you've known them for ages, just drop a message out to say you were thinking of cancelling due to X unforseen circumstances and monies tight, but you want to catch up so will just cover your own bill items. Don't ask "is it OK, does anyone mind" etc.

i agree with Salchipapas. Far from the bill sharers being dubbed CF ime it’s the “I will only play for myself” crowd who end up actually being the CFas they fail to take into account any extras / service charge / tips etc and leave that for the rest of the sharing group to pick up. Plus they usually dig in to the shared stuff anyway. If you can’t afford to eat out properly I wouldn’t go. It’s cringe quibbling “I only had the rice” etc and dampens the mood.

I’m assuming that you usually split the bill. I would mention it when you order.

I’m American, Floridian. Here, we would just say “separate bills, please” when we order and no one would blink. In fact, if we don’t specify, the server will usually ask! It just seems so complicated splitting it up, and who ordered what, and she’s a good tipper and he’s not. Maybe you can be the trend setter among your peers, being the first to ask for separate bills!

That is truly appalling behaviour. Totally shameless.