How to ask to only pay for what we have ordered on a meal out?

[wonderingwanderer2]

I’m due to go for a meal out with 3 old colleagues next week and, due to a couple of unexpected expenses this month, money is tight. I could afford a main and a drink but I’m worried that the others might also order starters/alcohol/numerous drinks and then just split the bill between 4 at the end, which I probably wouldn’t be able to afford. How can I ask politely that we only pay for ourselves separately?

I'd say I'm a bit strapped so I'm going to cut back a bit and have my bill seperately.

Or if you feel embarrassed to say that (some people feel shy about saying they are skint) you could say I won't be drinking so I'll be asking the staff to give me a separate bill for my meal. Or something.

Something like "helllo can wait to see you all tomorrow but I will be on the cheapest thing in the menu and a stiff tap water as the washer exploded/ car failed mot/ insert crisis and going to pay seperately" Would that work with them?

Be clear and upfront with your companions.
Either when you arrive or by text before, say that you are a bit tight for cash this month and if it's ok you'll be ordering carefully and just covering your own meal this time.

I quite agree.

I went out for a friend's birthday meal with her family and a number of her other friends.
My best friend and I were a bit strapped for cash at the time, so had only ordered one cola each followed by tap water and a small portion of chips each. Came time to pay, before anyone could get a word out the birthday friends family (who had ordered absolutely mountains of food, drinks, cocktails) announced we would split equally and demanded £30 off every other party.
So, my bestie and I were one party, the birthday friends family all dubbed themselves one party, you get my drift.
Also, being that my best friend and I were in our early twenties and quite quiet people we didn't feel confident to speak up. So handed over our 30 quid, subsidised their 3 courses for 4 adults and went home hungry.

Some people are cheeky fuckers.

Are they good friends? If they are, then they won’t have a problem with this (even strangers shouldn’t have a problem with this!). We always split, but we tend to be pretty even anyway. When I was on mat leave, I went out for a regular catch up with a good friend, she told me at the end it was her treat, and did it in such a way, it really felt like a nice treat and didn’t ‘owe’ her.

“I’m so looking forward to catching up with you all next week 😁Just to say in advance and avoid any awkwardness, I’m pretty skint this month after a few big bills, so would it be ok if i paid separately so I can keep to budget? Obviously you guys feel free to eat and drink whatever you want! Hope you understand.”

I'd make it clear well before the day.

Can be very embarrassing if you leave it until everyone starts to order.

We always split BUT if someone said "can we pay for our own this time" we wouldn't even bat an eyelid, no big deal at all and no reason to explain why.

Maybe casually mention it when you're looking at the menu because it might mean other people choose different things to order.

I would mention it now via text message so you don’t spend the time from
now until then fretting about it.

Yes this

I'd say at the start- do you mind if I pay for my own as I'm a bit skint. None of my friends would bat an eyelid

Check the meal before. Only bring enough cash for what you plan to eat?

Stuff a few quid in another pocket in case you change your mind.

Don't message beforehand, it looks like you're hoping someone will offer to pay for you.

Just pay for what you have when the bill comes, it would be very rude for anyone to argue! If they say split evenly just jump in and say sorry but you ordered to your means and that's your share. And smile :-)

Just say "I hope everyone's OK with just paying for what we each order?" at the outset.

No 'ok?' and no apologies!

At most: 'ladies, times are tough so I'm capping myself at £20!'

Another one that says you definitely SHOULD say something beforehand.

Not for the benefit of anyone else or because people may change their order, but because otherwise you will probably spend the meal feeling a bit worried about it being awkward at the end. Get it all out up front and there can't be any awkward moments

Probably an unpopular opinion but if you are that strapped for cash, just don't go! There is nothing worse than people who won't split the bill and whip out their calculators to work out to the penny what they had-these are usually the people who don't tip! It really brings the vibe down, in many cultures this would be seen as poor manners and mortifying! In my opinion eiher go out and enjoy yourself and split the bill and tip evenly or stay home.

Don't say this, you don't have to be skint to not want to subsidise other people. And you don't have to apologise!

Check the menu before you go so you can work out what its going to cost you beforehand, take cash and when the bill comes, say here's the cash for my meal and drink and share of tip. They can split the rest between them if they want to.

I'd tell them upfront at the table when about to order. "I'm on a tight budget this month so I'm going to pay separately for my order".

Ask waiter for a separate bill so no room for error.

So if you don't want to subsidise other people's expensive habits you have to stay at home?

Well that's an...interesting...opinion.

But probably one of the ways in which some people manage to finance a lifestyle they can't afford, by sponging off other people.

Tell them in advance as a fact. No apologies or asking if it's OK. Nothing to be ashamed of or to apologise for. Real friends won't be bothered.

Just text and say you are skint so will only be paying your share.

Just say you are paying for what you order. No need to justify it by saying you are broke. That is none of their business.

I always ask the server to put my order on a separate tab so I can pay separately. I've used the excuse of leaving early before to explain why I pay separately. I've been stung with a £60+ before when I only ordered a main, soft drink & a coffee. I don't drink alcohol so ended up subsidising the drinkers in my group so learnt my lesson.

I wouldn’t say this as you’re dictating how the others choose to pay. Just say that you’ll be paying for what you’re having plus share of tip. The others then can split or pay separately if they choose.