Bride not talking to me but won’t tell me why - WWYD

She was annoyed last year over a perceived lack of excitement over her wedding (not wed until 2023 and this was 2021). Id sent cards and flowers on engagement but I’d not made many moves in planning a hen do for a year in advance and she was annoyed about that. But I took that on board as we sorted it

There's your answer. She's punishing you for not performing your bridesmaid duties to her ridiculous standard, and not being excited enough about her wedding.

Weddings and hen dos do weird things to people, but she sounds like a bridezilla. I'd say have a serious think about if you actually want to be friends with her. Does she ask you how you are? Show an interest in your life? Make an effort to see you? Do you feel drained or happy after you've seen her? Are you just friends because you've known each other so long?

I agree with this.

She sounds like an arsehole.

Don't drop out if wedding. Just stop contacting her.

Sorry OP. Some people are just horrid.

id back out. Just say that you don’t feel it would be appropriate for you to be her bridesmaid while it seems your friendship is under strain but you are
open to discussing it and hope she can open up to you.

She is not being a good friend to you either, it’s not just about her.

Very puzzling. She can't honestly expect/want you to be her bridesmaid if she won't even speak to you at a mutual friend's birthday party. I would make no contact at all as this is basically what she has requested, 'no pressuring her'. If the date of the wedding comes and goes and you haven't heard from her, you have your answer: the friendship is over.

Don’t bother dropping out
id send one last msg explaining that you can sense somethings off you’d rather she just say what
then no more initiation from you

Bin her off

I think I’d contact her one final time to say that her avoidance of you cannot be ignored any longer and you no longer feel comfortable that you are welcome to be her bridesmaid, so to spare her any further awkwardness you think it’s better if you step back from the role and her wedding.

Having troubles doesn’t excuse her treatment of you where she’ll go out for a fun time as a group and then pointedly blank your - it really doesn’t. It’s just incredibly childish and nasty. She’s pissed off but hasn’t got the balls to tell you why, so she’s punishing you with silent treatment. She’s no friend.

• you, not your

She was annoyed last year over a perceived lack of excitement over her wedding (not wed until 2023 and this was 2021). Id sent cards and flowers on engagement but I’d not made many moves in planning a hen do for a year in advance and she was annoyed about that

Fuck. That. Shit.

Please please don’t ask her boyfriend!
Many years ago at a workplace that was very cliquey , there was a woman I thought was a “ Friend “
I phoned her, and her boyfriend answered.
He was very chatty and friendly- But on the next day she was in, you could have cut the air with a knife.
It was a really awful atmosphere.
She accused me of “ Chatting to her boyfriend “ and barely spoke to me again.

Your “ Friend” doesn’t sound very stable- If she’s blowing hot and cold like this, maybe leave her well alone, but ai know how painful this can be.

Well if she already said she felt pressured by you then maybe that's what is wrong. I can go months without me and my friends texting even though we really like each other. We are just bad friends! If I have a friend who texts all the time I feel trapped and like they need to leave me alone sometimes. If they started asking if I was ok I would feel a bit pressured. I don't know if this is going on here but ignoring you at the meal is bad, I don't know about that.

I think just do as she says and drop the contact a bit. Let her know you are here and tell her if she says nothing is wrong then you will just believe her. Then leave her to it. The fact you want to ask her fiance if anything is wrong and make the whole thing about you shows me that maybe you aren't looking at it from her perspective. Just cool off.

This was exactly what I thought. Some people are cowards

I wouldn’t drop out of the wedding, if she doesn’t want you at the wedding she’s going to have to bite the bullet and tell you in case you just turn up without having any contact.
Basically she’s going to have to make the next move.

Oh god, don’t message her again! Don’t demean yourself in that way. Don’t message her, don’t drop out. Just totally ignore her and if she turns up again (she will) decide how you want to respond then. If you don’t hear from her before the wedding just don’t turn up. If she messages you to say she doesn’t want you at the wedding, don’t reply. Don’t feed her drama. It will drive her mad. She sounds like a total twat.

Positioning herself to cut you out of conversation is so utterly rude.
I would probably send her a final text along the lines of calling her out for that behaviour, telling her that you cannot be her bridesmaid and leaving it at that.
It’s horrible when a supposedly good friend treats you like that but you also have some responsibility to back away and not let yourself be treated badly

i Still want to be friends with her probably because we have a long history and I did appreciate her friendship. I’ve always accepted she can be a bit hot and cold but also she’s had quite a few traumatic events (lost her dad young etc) so always took it in the spirit of no one’s perfect
Then go silent and wait but don’t message her one last time, because your messages and efforts haven’t helped so far so just do nothing.

I'd back up of being her bridesmaid. If she wants me to be her bridesmaid I deserve a good explanation, she obviously can't bother.

No I wouldn't say anything to her

No more questions, messages, texts, nothing.

She won't respond and you'll feel like a twat again like you're begging for attention

She knows where you are if she wants to explain her bizarre behaviour

I would assume you're no longer a BM and move on with your life

If she wants to rescind the role she'll have to be an adult and tell you

I would do exactly what @Shamoo suggests. Life is too short to waste on these people.

This. Please don’t message her. About the wedding or anything else. It’s down to her now. You don’t need to withdraw from the wedding. If the bride is ignoring you then it’s not happening anyway.

I would send her one final text like this and then leave it and assume the friendship is dead…

Hi Friend A

I’ve clearly done something to upset you, as things haven’t been right between us for a while. I just need you to know that I have absolutely no idea what I have done or said to annoy you. The only way we can make things right before the wedding is if we sit down and talk and you tell me why you are so upset with me? Can we meet and chat next week to resolve things? Our friendship means a lot to me and I don’t want to lose you. Having said that, there’s only so many times I can say this and only so many times you can brush me off. I’m not waiting until January to see you. If you don’t want to resolve things, then so be it. I won’t text again, and I will assume my invitation to be your bridesmaid has been withdrawn. If you could let me know either way, as I’m just so confused about where we stand.


All my love.

Contact her one last time and say you don’t feel able to be a bridesmaid considering the way she’s acting towards you.
You've asked her several times why she’s behaving like this, and are at a loss why she’s ignoring you. x number of texts over two months isn’t pressuring her.
You wish her well but you won’t be bridesmaid or attend her wedding.
And see how she reacts.
Even if if she came grovelling at my feet, begging for forgiveness I don’t think I could trust her not to do it again.