Bride not talking to me but won’t tell me why - WWYD

Why are you wasting so much time and emotional effort on someone who isn't even telling you what's wrong? If this was a romantic relationship this would be a version of stonewalling which is abusive.

She is an adult capable of communication - any relationship including friendship is a two way street and this one you're describing is most definitely not.

Sorry you're going through this

Back out of the wedding and fuck her off.

She's treating you badly - you've tried to rectify it and she's still been an arsehole.

Not the kind of friend you want nor need.

That message sounds fair

Absolutely send the message if you feel you need to, but try not to get your hopes up. I sent a similar one telling myself it was for closure, but secretly I think I was hoping she’d respond. She never did, of course, or she would have responded to the other ones. So I put myself back in that state for a few days of hoping any phone buzz was her coming back with some explanation or telling me off for not knowing already or apologising or anything- any response at all- and it never came.

I don’t regret sending it exactly but I wish I hadn’t needed to. It will still hurt as much afterwards. And I’m sorry.

but I almost don’t want it to circle back to being fine and leave a bad taste

Listen to your instincts here Op.
It will never be a healthy friendship because she is doing this deliberately

She’s treating you really badly. I think you should stop asking yourself (and her) what you have done wrong and instead focus on the fact that she is behaving awfully.

My guess is she’s made some new friends and now wants to ditch you. It doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong, it means you aren’t as rich/cool as her current besties and she’s trying to make you give up on the friendship. Which you should, this isn’t how friends treat each other.

No don't do this! She won't reply and OP will be upset yet again by this woman.

She has chosen to ignore you. Rude.

She has chosen not to meet you till January after months of dismissing you. Rude.

She has chosen to put you in the can’t be arsed with you pile. Rude.

There comes a moment in your life when you think to yourself “I can’t be doing with the drama or the pish’.

This is your moment.

That's really sad. I've been ghosted by a close friend too (no idea why) and it hurts, especially when they won't tell you why and you're left wondering forever more. Try your best to let her go.

Think you should drop heR too. But just wondering if your appearance has changed much since she asked you to be BM?

Could you talk to you friend.I can’t see how you were all together today and this is still how it’s left.
maybe say to the friend how lovely it was to see the bride.and do you think there is anything you should be doing as bridesmaids? See if it brings anything up.

I would hold off contacting her further. Let her initiate a conversation and if you hear nothing, then simply assume you are no longer needed for the bridesmaid/friendship role.

Is it possible that anything to do with the wedding is stressing her out because she doesn’t want to go through with it?

Friends don't treat you like that. If a friend is seriously annoyed with you, they tell you. They don't stop speaking to you. I would just leave it tbh and forget about her.

Please read up in this. She is totally controlling you. Your posts are heartbreaking and you deserve so much better. You deserve a friend, who has the capacity to love and care for you in the same way that you are able to do this for them.

Please step back from her. She doesn’t deserve you at all. She is torturing you and there is no reason or justification for her behaviour. She is treating you badly because she can and you let her.

Losing a parent young is no excuse. Many people, myself included lost a parent whilst they were a child.

I'd back off from the friendship but tell her why.

At the end of the day, she's being a shitty friend. You've asked if you've done anything wrong, she's affirmed that isn't the case but then persisited in giving you the cold shoulder. Not great behaviour BUT the kicker for me would be this pre-arranged drinks/no space in the car thing - that's premeditated and specifically designed to leave you out.

You need to let her know that you will not put up with being treated that way, OP. This is not the first time she's done this to you and it's getting worse.

If you don't want to be treated badly by friends, stick up for yourself and demand better.

And no, I don't think you should be her bridesmaid. At this point it would be farcical.

I had a close friend who, over some months, I started to really dislike. She didn’t do anything to me as such but I just began to see her in a different light.
I tried to overlook the things that were bothering me but at some point she must have crossed a line in my mind & I couldn’t even tolerate her texts. Bit by bit I reduced contact & eventually she got the message.

She would likely say she had no idea what went wrong because we didn’t discuss it at all but I wasn’t prepared to assassinate her overall character. Some things are better left unsaid. She could’nt have done anything about it anyway because it was just who she was.

im just wondering if your friend just doesn’t feel a connection to you anymore or you irritate her in some way. If that was the case do you really need to hear it anyway.
Its not nice but perhaps you just have to let the friendship go.


Ill never understand why people have this obsession with blocking. It’s incredibly childish & likely means nothing to the perks. You are blocking because they aren’t calling anyway! It just looks like you really really care when you’re pretending you don’t. Pointless l.

Blocking can help with stress, I.e. if I block you, I know definitely that I will not hear from you. So it gives me peace of mind, I won’t be stressing about whether or not I hear from you. I took back control of the situation, drew a one under it. 😎

@perfectlypickled Makes sense to some degree but is it not just wiser to draw the line intellectually & emotionally? Pressing block buttons doesn’t actually delete their existence.
What if you bump into them? Do you just shut your eyes?

If they are stalking you of course but otherwise I just think it makes you look melodramatic.

Surely it makes sense to ask the mutual friend.

@Daydreamsinsantafe

i agree with you logically, but in the midst of an emotional situation blocking them gives you right now peace of mind. It’s not really about the blocking, but more putting an end to the will they won’t they madness spinning in your head. Jumping when the phone pings, hoping it is them, being disappointed when it is not. 😿

I wouldn’t you deserve better I’d just move on

Yes 🙌 I totally agree. She doesn’t need anymore attention for her childish behaviour

@perfectlypickled yes I can understand that I suppose but I think the problem with technology & the notion of direct access to people has warped everyone’s idea of what is and isn’t normal interaction. I hear a lot about blocking & it often seems out of context & manipulative. Also quite cowardly. Not always of course & I understand your point.

Yes@Aperolsprizter I think this too. She’s trying to push you out. No clue why.