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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband not invited to stag event

266 replies

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:15

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

OP posts:
LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 18/09/2022 14:03

Lorrymum · 18/09/2022 13:48

We weren't constantly asking if my DH was going to be invited. It would be incredibly rude to invite oneself. We just asked when/if it was happening but we weren't told, even after the event.
Im finding it incredibly difficult to get my view across here. Apparently now I am intense and desperate!

You're changing your story. You said your DH kept on asking about the stag do...that he hadn;t been invited to. You said you both "continually asked". You said you didn't know he hadn't been invited, but you did know, because he hadn't been invited!
You said you will never forgive your brother (who had nothing to do with it!) then you said you onlyh mentioned it once and weren't even annoyed.

You are being ridiculous. So what if he wasn't invited? What does it matter? You have got your view across. that you are deeply hurt and devestated that your husband was no invited to his wifes brothers daughters fiances stag do...we get it.
It's just that nobody can understand WHY.

howshouldibehave · 18/09/2022 14:04

We weren't constantly asking if my DH was going to be invited. It would be incredibly rude to invite oneself.

Why were you constantly asking when it was, then?

I think we can safely assume that your brother thought you were constantly asking because your DH was desperate to go.

Does your DH not have very many friends-it sounds like he was pinning a lot on this one night which is unusual.

DashboardConfessional · 18/09/2022 14:07

If you would actually say why in the context (other than just "man who went to wedding) you would expect him to be invited you might get more sympathy. Or if any of the bride's other uncles went, for example.

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 18/09/2022 14:09

You also don't seem to grasp why they didn't say anything ...when ,it seems obvious? He wasn't invited. Nobody else guessed he thought he would be invited, so they were uncomfortable and embarassed when he (and you) kept going on about it. Thye probably thought you'd get the hint and stop it if they said nothing, but you didn't.

Ilovevacations · 18/09/2022 14:15

Hi op, in the kindest way possible, forget about it…it’s not that big a deal.

My husband didn’t invite my uncle to his stag. I didn’t invite my husband’s aunt. To be honest, I wouldn’t have even thought to. Friends and obligatory parents/siblings only. I hate to think they may have been upset by this, but it really isn’t ‘usual’.

I guess because you were all off to Florida together, the expectations on yours and your husband’s part were different…and perhaps a little too high.

Mybumlooksbig · 18/09/2022 14:19

YABU and your husband sounds weird to be so upset at this

spirit20 · 18/09/2022 14:20

Initially I did think why on earth would the husband expect to be invited, but then when I realised it was a location wedding, and the stag event happened at the location, then if he was the only man not to be invited, that is really bad. Your husband took the time and the money (and I'm guessing it wasn't cheap) to fly to Florida, the least they could have done is make him feel included.

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 18/09/2022 14:22

spirit20 · 18/09/2022 14:20

Initially I did think why on earth would the husband expect to be invited, but then when I realised it was a location wedding, and the stag event happened at the location, then if he was the only man not to be invited, that is really bad. Your husband took the time and the money (and I'm guessing it wasn't cheap) to fly to Florida, the least they could have done is make him feel included.

You realised entirely wrongly. It's been made abundantly clear that the stag was in the UK, not in Florida.

Raul57 · 18/09/2022 14:22

OP
You ahve a valid point and don't let anyone tell you differently/
However, you two have decide if to make things worse between you or just move on.
Personally, I would not have spoken to them for years but if anything happend to them before we spoke then I'd feel awful

Its not your or hubbys fault

howshouldibehave · 18/09/2022 14:25

Initially I did think why on earth would the husband expect to be invited, but then when I realised it was a location wedding, and the stag event happened at the location

???

Vapeyvapevape · 18/09/2022 14:29

If the stag do happened while we're all away , didn't you notice that all the men except your husband disappeared for a day ? Didn't they all talk about the stag do at the time?

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 18/09/2022 14:31

Vapeyvapevape · 18/09/2022 14:29

If the stag do happened while we're all away , didn't you notice that all the men except your husband disappeared for a day ? Didn't they all talk about the stag do at the time?

Can nobody actually read? For the 17th time: THE STAG WAS IN THE UK> NOT AT THE WEDDING LOCATION.

WildfellAnne · 18/09/2022 14:39

Raul57 · 18/09/2022 14:22

OP
You ahve a valid point and don't let anyone tell you differently/
However, you two have decide if to make things worse between you or just move on.
Personally, I would not have spoken to them for years but if anything happend to them before we spoke then I'd feel awful

Its not your or hubbys fault

I assume you are joking.

Lolreally · 18/09/2022 14:39

For the people who cant read, stag do happened in uk. Small wedding op and dh very close to the groom all the men except ops dh invited to stag do. Stag do was a country shooting day so not a young mans thing that the ops dh would be too old for.
Clearly it is deeply hurtful to be left out in these circumstances.

luxxlisbon · 18/09/2022 14:41

Personally, I would not have spoken to them for years

Found the only person more insane than OP!

BadNomad · 18/09/2022 14:43

I'd say when your husband kept asking about it, they realised he probably should have been invited but felt too awkward to admit to him in person that he wasn't invited and then later that it had already happened. Can you imagine that conversation?

Hopefully you now realise from this thread that most people wouldn't consider your husband's family-through-marriage-link to the groom alone enough to warrant an invitation. Stags are traditionally for friends of the groom, not every male person they know.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 18/09/2022 15:33

My DH didn't invite my DB to his stag. He's just not into that sort of thing. He didn't ask though so I think he was ok. I invited DH's cousins and their mum to my hen do as we see each other a lot but didn't invite any other Aunts

Ilovevacations · 18/09/2022 15:46

Lolreally · 18/09/2022 14:39

For the people who cant read, stag do happened in uk. Small wedding op and dh very close to the groom all the men except ops dh invited to stag do. Stag do was a country shooting day so not a young mans thing that the ops dh would be too old for.
Clearly it is deeply hurtful to be left out in these circumstances.

Are they ‘very close’ though?

All I read was “We have known the groom since he was 16 and we love him dearly.”

I’ve known people for many years, who I love, but wouldn’t class as someone I’d invite on my hen night. And perhaps the groom doesn’t feel the same, as in, the op and her husband are his wife’s family, who he cares for, but isn’t ‘buddy buddy’ with.

Or maybe a friend of the groom arranged everything and didn’t know to invite the op’s husband. Could have been a surprise.

Not worth getting upset over honestly.

FASDE1517 · 18/09/2022 15:53

He's Uncle Bryn!

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 18/09/2022 15:55

MN is sooooo weird! Given the amount of posters that would normally tell the OP to go NC if their best friend didn’t like their post on FB, I’m surprised that so many people can’t see that this is hurtful. The OP and her husband made a huge effort to go to this wedding and it wouldn’t have been much of a stretch for the groom to invite him on the stag, even if they didn’t know each other that well. I’m sure the bride and groom were happy to accept the wedding present though.

howshouldibehave · 18/09/2022 16:03

FASDE1517 · 18/09/2022 15:53

He's Uncle Bryn!

Exactly!

We don’t know is they are very close. I have known DH’s uncle’s wife since I was quite young-she’s really sweet and came to our wedding, but I wouldn’t have invited her on my hen night!

Rowen32 · 18/09/2022 16:16

Lorrymum · 18/09/2022 13:48

We weren't constantly asking if my DH was going to be invited. It would be incredibly rude to invite oneself. We just asked when/if it was happening but we weren't told, even after the event.
Im finding it incredibly difficult to get my view across here. Apparently now I am intense and desperate!

Why don't you ask the groom? It seems like you're not going to be able to let it go until you know why he wasn't asked. So ask the groom..

TheGoodFighter · 18/09/2022 16:17

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 18/09/2022 15:55

MN is sooooo weird! Given the amount of posters that would normally tell the OP to go NC if their best friend didn’t like their post on FB, I’m surprised that so many people can’t see that this is hurtful. The OP and her husband made a huge effort to go to this wedding and it wouldn’t have been much of a stretch for the groom to invite him on the stag, even if they didn’t know each other that well. I’m sure the bride and groom were happy to accept the wedding present though.

Nobody ever says that.

Can you not tell the difference between best friends and your fiances fathers sisters husband? Bit like the OP then, I guess.

FlissyPaps · 18/09/2022 16:22

The stag and wedding are both long gone …. I’d try and get over it as best you can OP. If not, probably seek some therapy.

LicoricePizza · 18/09/2022 16:34

Why is nobody getting the context & specifics here?!

  1. EVERY man that attended the wedding went on the stag
  2. They were v involved in the wedding & forked out to go to Florida
  3. Where the entire wedding party stayed together
  4. OP went on the hen
  5. It’s not therefore that much of a stretch to assume that her OH wld be going to the stag too.
  6. Esp as hens & stags can be like a pre wedding meet up of people who don’t necessarily know each other to do so & bond - before the big day.
  7. All the more so if you’re going to be spending significant time together abroad in the same hotel
  8. Surely in this case it’s just good manners.
  9. All the more so given they were all going away together.
  10. These are the specifics of the situation not anyone else’s.
  11. So it really doesn’t matter if readers wouldn’t expect a fiancé’s uncle to be invited to the stag.
  12. That may well be the case for other weddings.
  13. But this stag included every single one of the men who attended the wedding which was a group trip abroad.
  14. OP is not being hysterical, deluded, OTT or all the things pple are accusing her of.
  15. She/they was just surprised, disappointed & a bit hurt.
  16. Why is nobody seeing that that is not unusual and really quite a normal response to being (for whatever reason) excluded.
  17. If there were other men at the wedding who also hadn’t been invited /attended then it wouldn’t have felt as bad.
  18. But when 25 out of 26 did go & they’re all on the plane with you & you find out you weren’t invited, how would you feel??