Husband not invited to stag event

[Lorrymum]

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

Oh my god DO NOT DO THIS!!!

you will come across as deranged!

I can understand doing this if OP’s husband is the grooms brother or best man. But ringing saying hello you arranged my niece’s fiancés stag do a year ago. My husband is really upset that you didn’t invite him. Please explain.

it will certainly give these blokes a funny story to tell - but it would make OP’s husband look really pathetic

I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason

I would imagine the reason is..

-the groom doesn’t know your husband very well and preferred to invite his own mates.
-the groom/your brother don’t like your husband much for some reason or doesn’t think he’d fit in with the rest of the group.
-there were too many people going already.

I can’t believe you/he kept on asking about an invite to someone’s stag night though-that does suggest a large absence of self-awareness!

This does remind me of the Gavin and Stacey episode where Stacey’s uncle Brynn didn’t get invited to the stag, and they end up having to hold a separate stag night with three people the night after, just for him!

I think it is probably because they are our only living family. Also, why not just say the stag do had taken place? We have known the groom since he was 16 and we love him dearly.
Obviously I just have to forgive and forget.

Are you really suggesting the Op gets in touch with a friend of the groom to enquire why the grooms fiancés aunties husband wasn’t invited to the stag do….last year.

’oh hello. You don’t know me. But I understand you arranged Bobs stag do last year. I am his wife’s aunt. Can you tell me why you didn’t think to invite bobs, then fiancés, aunts husband. I am terribly upset about it’

That would be ridiculous

Because they felt awkward. You assumed your husband would be invited - which is bad manners. They didn’t know how to react.

I think you are exaggerating your role in this couples life. You are placing a lot of pressure on them.

I assume by only living family you mean you don’t have children along with no living parents and no other siblings.

that must be tough - but there will be lots of events int his couples life that you won’t be centre stage for.

if you create a fuss now about something this minor and strange, they will be wary about being around you. Will you throw a fit if they just want grandparents at kids birthday parties? Will you turn up uninvited on Christmas morning?

be grateful you were invited to the intimate wedding - but resentful that your husband didn’t get invited you a much younger man’s stag do.

@Lorrymum i have no idea why no one understands why you are upset. Some person starts a thread saying a group from work organised a night out or lunch and im not invited im so upset everyone agrees its the queen bees its a clique etc. But not invited to a small family stag do your mad to be upset.
Its mn being odd about stag dos and baby showers to not want to go is a badge of honour its odd.

Wow what a drip feed!

I am guessing because him being missed was a mistake on the behalf of whoever organised it and they felt awkward telling him it gone ahead

Either that or he was purposely missed off and there’s a good reason that he wasn’t invited despite knowing this man since before he was an adult.

And OP by saying forgive you are still assuming they did something wrong. They didn’t.

you were actually the one who was in the wrong for constantly asking and assuming You would be invited.

miss manners would have stern words for you.

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · Yesterday 17:27
Why would a man invite his fiances fathers sisters husband to his stag do? He wouldn't, would he? It's really odd that he would be "deeply hurt" at not being invited.“

thus. Isn’t it usually just groom’s friends and sometimes father/brother?

I presume you’re not HIS only living family though. If he has got plenty of friends and family, that’s why your husband wasn’t invited. They were embarrassed by your repeated asking because it was strange and awkward.

How much time do the groom and your husband actually spend together?

I can really like older members of my or DH’s (pretty extended) family, but that doesn’t mean I would have wanted them at my hen night!

I am guessing it’s just a misunderstanding your hubby thought wedding guests get invited to stag dos. But I think who ever your hubby asked about the stag do and that person did not tell him that it was planned but your hubby was not invited is the person who wronged you both. Who is invited to a stag do is up to the stag - but if the person you asked knew it was happening and did not gently say hey sorry the stag is just inviting closest friends - I think that’s very poor of them. I am guessing this person might be your brother hence the angst? I am guessing he felt awkward and didn’t know how to handle the situation - and still doesn’t if you two are still not talking properly because of it. Meet up with him - clear the air - life is too short to fall out with your brother about someone else’s stag do

This is odd and very hurtful treatment from the wedding party. It was a small wedding and everyone attending went to either the stag or hen. Then they never came clean.

Either it was a mistake or by special request. I'm sorry but you will probably never know which.

I can see why you were both surprised/upset by it. Nobody likes being left out - be it deliberately or innocently.

Objectively as everyone’s saying you wouldn’t necessarily expect your fiancé’s uncle to go to a stag do - BUT in your case you’re clearly very close to them & so as always on MN context is paramount & usually competent ignored.

Especially as every man invited to the wedding was invited & you went to the trouble of going to Florida etc supporting them etc.

My only thought is & forgive me if it sounds a bit unkind - but is there a possible reason why they maybe wouldn’t have invited him?

eg does he have form for getting too drunk/rowdy etc?

What’s his relationship with the groom actually like? Are they close? Does he go on nights out with him/them typically??

O’wise it’s impossible to know why. It would have been kinder for them to say there’s a limit on numbers or given an explanation rather than just saying it was an omission.

Does this tell you you’re not as close to them (or at least your DH isn’t) as much as you thought they were?

Would make you re-evaluate the relationship a bit - if you are that close - as you say - it would be impossible to think otherwise IMO.

Maybe say you were a bit surprised /hurt & then let it go. Have they included you both in sharing photos after the event /the usual things hollowing on from the wedding? Acknowledgenent for gifts etc (if given or for your attendance to Florida etc)?

I would be very upset.

But the groom didn’t organise it so it was out of his hands and therefore I wouldn’t bring it up.

It’s done now though so there’s no point keep going over it.
Everyone just needs to move on.

You’re not being unreasonable @Lorrymum.

You’re obviously a very close daily, you schlepped all the way to Florida, and your husband was the one one left out. I’d be hurt too.

People in here love to sneer at anything to do with weddings and even more so at those who care about something connected to one. I’m sorry you’ve had such crappy responses.

Close family^

What a pointless post. The OP and her OH are bothered??

Biut you';re not the grooms only living family. Indeed until the wedding, you weren;t family at all.
Your fiances dads sisters husband is a tenuous link and you know it. Stag nights are arranged by a friend of the groom usually, who probably didn't even know your husband existed, and if he did, it didn't occur to him to invite him.

This has nothing to do with meanie MNers who hate weddings...I love weddings, and parties and family events. It's merely that you are in fact being ridiculous.
It was a YEAR ago. It really doesn't matter.

I think the poster, like many people, are trying to let OP know that in the majority of cases her husband wouldn’t be invited.

she is getting worked up about something that most people wouldn’t notice.

there is an intensity and desperation in her posts. She might make the poor couple feel uncomfortable . Over familiarity is incredibly off putting. As I said it upthread, there is a cousin in my family like this. And we all now avoid him

There is nothing to forgive, though. If it was a genuine oversight, it really doesn’t matter. If your DH was left out for good reason, there’s nothing to forgive there either. If you love the groom dearly, as you say, then show that love and stop making it all about you/your DH.

It's sad you are not close to your family OP. That's completely normal in my family where cousins were raised together and you were always over at your aunt and uncles homes.

Sorry, not OP 😆

We weren't constantly asking if my DH was going to be invited. It would be incredibly rude to invite oneself. We just asked when/if it was happening but we weren't told, even after the event.
Im finding it incredibly difficult to get my view across here. Apparently now I am intense and desperate!

Don’t be silly. It isn’t sad if aunts aren’t involved in planning their neices weddings😂😂.

I have twenty cousins - we all meet up once or twice a year - get in fine but arent in each other lives on a say to say basis. Attend weddings, funerals and Christmas gatherings.

i would think for a lot of people, particularly larger families, it would be unusual for the brides to invoke their aunts in wedding planning? My mum had a career - how in earth would she find time to help plan 12 weddings!! Why would the bride want a counsel of aunts involved?

assuming it’s sad that every family doesn’t follow your family is the height of arrogance and ignorance.

But surely you were asking because you assumed you would be involved? Why else were you asking? Why the focus on this one event? It’s all a bit strange

I think you do need to let this go.

it sounds like a bit of an unbalanced relationship. I don’t think it was an oversight. If yet he groom truly though you should been there your husband would have received an urgent call on the day saying oops - can you get here quickly there seems to have been a muddle. But you both just kept asking when it was happening - your brother though crickey he expects to be invited and no one really thought of him so muttered a few excuses because he was embarrassed.