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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

199 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/09/2022 15:23

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 15/09/2022 23:33

"aid" was quid ...

SillySausage81 · 16/09/2022 00:25

Send him a card with 37p in it (as per pp's suggestion) and an explanation:

"I was set to give you £100 but since I've seen you did allow children at your wedding, just not mine, despite knowing how much hassle it was going to cause me to come without them, you can get stuffed. Enjoy your cruise. Twat."

DdraigGoch · 16/09/2022 00:35

I would just send him the 1p and if questioned tell him that you don't owe him an explanation.

BadLad · 16/09/2022 00:51

You could have moved house, to the Scottish Highlands. Then you wouldn't have had so far to travel.

giveovernate · 16/09/2022 00:52

DdraigGoch · 16/09/2022 00:35

I would just send him the 1p and if questioned tell him that you don't owe him an explanation.

👏 👏

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 16/09/2022 06:55

Your brother sounds utterly vile OP. A complete psychopath (that’s probably not the correct description but hey ho it’ll do!) He sounds as though he rules your family through some bizarre unspoken fear of him and what he’ll do if you don’t all fall in line. What would he actually do other than have one of these silly toddler tantrums? My friends ex husband was like this. He used to ring his parents up screaming and shouting and making demands. They were terrified of him and gave him whatever he wanted. It was as though they were facilitating a giant 3 year old. He sounds horrid and just out for what he can get.

KimberleyClark · 16/09/2022 07:04

The cousins probably brought their kids without asking.

Brefugee · 16/09/2022 07:42

The cousins probably brought their kids without asking.

and her brother could have said that and said sorry she couldn't come and that he'd made such a fuss over it because the kids being there hadn't ruined anything. But no he didn't do that. And then compounded it by getting angry with his mother because she's had an unexpected health expense and will send less money.

I really like the idea of transferring a weird amount of money, like 27p, and then saying nothing at all about it.

Veeragall · 16/09/2022 08:15

I had some sympathy until I saw that you hadn't even bothered to give him a wedding present (not buying the excuse about hadn't got the details. It would have been easy to get them. You could have asked your mum).

BadLad · 16/09/2022 08:17

MN will love this they had a poem asking for bank transfers towards a honeymoon cruise

Spill it. Let's hear the poem.

RampantIvy · 16/09/2022 08:29

Veeragall · 16/09/2022 08:15

I had some sympathy until I saw that you hadn't even bothered to give him a wedding present (not buying the excuse about hadn't got the details. It would have been easy to get them. You could have asked your mum).

Seriously Hmm
He doesn't deserve a gift.

Wouldn't it be a shame if they have a rough voyage 😆

Veeragall · 16/09/2022 08:36

@RampantIvy I don't disagree about the brother's behaviour. He's an arse.

But the wedding was a month ago, the OP pulled out at the last minute (for valid reasons) but she didn't even bother to buy a present? Sorry, but they're as bad as each other.

SalviaOfficinalis · 16/09/2022 08:39

Thank you for updating! I love to know how things turned out.

Sorry that your brother is a shit, but glad you made the right decision on not going.

Isithotinhere · 16/09/2022 08:59

I have a total shit for a brother too and I haven't seen him in 6 lovely years.

He sounds truly odious, spend the £100 you were going to give him on something lovely for your new home, or for a great day out with your kids.

And go NC - yes it will upset your mothe, mine expected me to put up my brother's awfulness to me even when it was in front of her, but she got over it, put it down to me being unreasonable.

deeperthanallroses · 16/09/2022 09:24

Thanks for updating op! For your sake I wish them whiney spoilt children who no one ever invites (no adults to adult things, I don’t wish his dc no friends) and no one wants to look after them for the parents. Who projectile vomit if they are in a car for 5 minutes. And are allergic to dairy and wheat.
(not really for the dc sake but it would be karmic for your db)

MoveMore · 16/09/2022 10:36

Your brother sounds like an arse. I’d not worry yourself with him any more between the way he’s treated yourself, your mum and your older brother he’s show you who he is and it’s not a nice person. Don’t give him much more though.

However, I must say thank you to you for your link to the original thread. That’s made my morning coffee break entertaining. Utterly batshit!! I thought the MN mantra was that an invitation wasn’t a summons. That seems to have been reversed completely for your thread. It just kept on giving. From the lack of understanding around travelling in the highlands to the insistence that you must go at all financial costs to repeated asking you to answer the same questions over and over. Brilliantly entertaining but must have been so frustrating for you at the time.

My personal highlight was people thinking you were unreasonable for not accepting your brother’s kindly sourced childcare. No thought to fact that that childcare was two random strangers he was friends with who you’d never met and who clearly weren’t that close friends of DB since they weren’t going to his wedding!! Utterly batshit insanity on that thread. Can you imagine the responses you’d have gotten if you’d done an “AIBU to leave my primary aged children with two strangers I’ve never met so I can go to dB’s wedding. DB says he’s friends with them but not close enough to be invited and I’ve never met them myself”. Yeah that would have been pretty unanimous surely!

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 16/09/2022 11:03

Christ what an entitled prick he sounds like? And a fucking idiot to to rely on money he doesn’t have to fund his honeymoon. Was he always this much of a twat or is this new behaviour since the relationship?

Onlyhuman123 · 16/09/2022 11:26

Re going NC - it honestly hasn’t sunk in, he’s such a shit human being and I’m really upset about it. He’s been really rude to my mum too - she was planning on giving them £1,000 for their wedding (me and DH got nothing for a present for our wedding which is exactly what we asked for) and she has had medical bills for a heart condition (she lives abroad) to pay as she was hospitalised the week after the wedding. So she said she will give him £500. The selfish fucker has kicked off, saying they will be skint on their honeymoon now (they go next week).

I hope your mum sees him for what he truly is...a totally self-centred fucking arsehole and that she makes no bloody contribution at all now! And I wouldn't even bother making the effort to send 1p OP although it would communicate how angry you are; especially if you can say something rude in the 'reference' section of the payment i.e. selfishfuckers or some such. Yeah I know...childish...grow up...yadda yadda....but SO satisfying! haha...

SleeplessInEngland · 16/09/2022 11:31

Good for your DB. If you can’t create totally arbitrary rules for your own wedding then when can you. Looks like he’s living his best life.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 16/09/2022 11:45

Shame if your dm wrote £50 on the cheque..
He is a total twat.
Spend the 100 on a day out with your dm and dc. Post lots of pics on fb.

Onlyhuman123 · 16/09/2022 12:05

Bank account number: put whatever his bank account number is
Sort Code: put whatever his bank sort code is
Amount: 11p or some odd amount
Reference: knobsweddinggift /fuckingarsehole are something similar.

MaryQueenofScots19 · 16/09/2022 12:11

The only, only thing I can think is that they messaged them on the morning of the wedding to say their childcare had fallen through and gave them little or no choice. This happened to us. Super annoying but surely your brother would just say that. I had to go round explaining and apologising to those couples who had sought childcare!!

gatehouseoffleet · 16/09/2022 12:23

Veeragall · 16/09/2022 08:15

I had some sympathy until I saw that you hadn't even bothered to give him a wedding present (not buying the excuse about hadn't got the details. It would have been easy to get them. You could have asked your mum).

Did you read the other thread? I wouldn't have sent him a wedding present either, given his antics.

Mfsf · 16/09/2022 12:54

Your brother is a twat and unless he apologised I would not even speak with him ! And he would be no uncle my children either since hated them so much that he couldn’t accept them in his wedding although he could have his wife’s nephews .