Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

I remember people on that thread suggesting all kinds of ridiculous nonsense - taxis (in the Highlands..), booking a hotel room for your children to sit and play with your husband, and camping! It was bizarre.
I'm glad you didn't go.

What a TWAT your brother is. My sympathies.

I hope you continue to keep yourself away from such an idiot. His response to you makes it all even worse.

Good thing all the phoenix's were sold out anyway.

Big hugs for you!

YWNBU on your previous thread and YANBU now. Could not believe some of the posters on your last thread, absolutely crazy.

I can't believe he allowed 2 kids, but not yours?! Especially when it meant missing his wedding because of it?!! 😱

I voted YWNBU then, and YANBU now. Your brother is a massive arse.

PS. Please send him this thread.

What has your mother to say about this?
She was there on the day if I remember correctly as mother of the Groom and was trying to come up with 100 different ways that you could be there too, none of which actually involved bringing your DH and your KIDS to the wedding.

I'm delighted that your brother has decided to stick like glue to his wife's side on this. It should make organising family events and things like Christmas so much easier now that he's shown you his true colours.

Best of luck with your other brother that you do still get along with and that hasn't gone batshit loolah!!!!

Could it be that his wife's cousin brought her kids despite knowing kids weren't allowed. I've been to a wedding where this happened and it was so horribly awkward. I think the couple in question figured that no one would have the audacity to kick off and throw them and their kids out of the wedding (and they were quite right) but that didn't stop a lot of side eyes and people talking about it. I know the bride was particularly upset about it.

I remember thread and all the suggestions. I couldn’t get over him not inviting his niece and nephew (you weren’t taking kids they didn’t know) If I recall your mum was giving you a hard time. I’d definitely not forget and not pussy foot around - it wasn’t a child free wedding - you couldn’t attend as he’d not invited his niece and nephew.
If they have children they will probably realise how unreasonable they were.

This! Send a glitter bomb on every month anniversary for the first year. It's such a lovely thoughtful thing to do, to celebrate each month of their marriage. It would be so kind of you.

I’d have to sit on my hands to avoid posting on Facebook under photo about how it’s a shame you couldn’t go as no childcare for niece and nephew who couldn’t go as it was a ‘childfree’ wedding but the children in the photos look like they had a lovely day.

What does the glitter bomb do? Sorry to be slow.... is it so that he ends up being covered in glitter??

Thankfully you know exactly what importance your brother and SIL put on your relationship with them. I agree with printing out your original thread on here and sending it to them so they can see what efforts you made to fit in with their arrangement.

Wasn’t one of brother’s suggestions that you left the kids with your strangers up in highlands (friend of his friend) and all 4 slept in 2 person room. How did he think he was going to pan out - you and DH go to wedding and see 2 random kids there. Surely he wouldn’t expect you to ignore it - I’ll go and get your niece and nephew and bring them to the party. He can’t say it’s a child free wedding as 2 kids are dancing happily.

I remember your thread. What an arsehole your brother is and obviously under his wife’s thumb.
Well now you know how the land lies he’s made it easier going forwards to do exactly what you think is best to suit your own family.
Two less Christmas presents to buy this year. Or the naffiest tackiest ones ever.

Yeah your brother is a cunt. I hope you didn't send a gift or money.

They didn’t tell me in order to keep the peace! In fairness, my mum, who makes excuses for DB constantly, said she thought he was a massive prick for doing that

Have you had a bad day today?

My kids are awesome thanks.

What a nob! Weren't you also unable to drive yourself due to being ill rather than not wanting to? I remember posters suggesting you do so and thinking your brother should just allow your kids to come under the circumstances.

You sound like a lovely caring sister OP.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to let him forget this one, OP. Any favour he asks you, any family event, just bring this up and tell him to do one.

Remember you last thread. I'm not surprised your mad. Similar happened to me yrs ago, cousins black tie & child free wedding in golf club in middle of sticks at bottom end of country, we're in Scotland. New year's eve wedding, all the family invited & literally no-one for me to ask to look after my 4 month old baby EBF- who was only child on our side of family. My ILs were infirm/very elderly which was known. So I was only family member who had to decline which was fine until my parents said there were about a dozen kids running around all night from brides side & my Aunt hadnt realised that we'd been told it was child free so was really upset about it all. A few years later we were at another family wedding & my cousin & his wife kept asking why we hadn't come to their do & how they're disappointed not to see us, did at least have grace to look embarrassed when I told them!

I'm sorry the last thread got you down OP, but I remember it was very good entertainment for me. I still think you should have tried to DIY some floo powder, can't really say you tried if you didn't try that can you 😁

I remember your thread , some posters were vile. You clearly did the right thing.

Bil said no kids (ours only ones in family). Fair enough but then his wife insisted the kids of some of her family friends were allowed so to be fair to bil he put his foot down and insisted in that case his only brothers two were invited as well.

Myst say I would have been quite hurt if these random kids were allowed as they were brides side but the grooms only nieces were not! They were primary aged and super well behaved so not going to run amok

nothing like someone with genuine reasons not to be able to attend a wedding to get MN up in arms and full of hatred