Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

Can’t see how you’d have your arse handed to you for for that on here - very much the orthodoxy is to say it’s fine to decline a childfree wedding
This is MN remember the place is crackers. OPs original thread did have loads of comments basically along the lines of, if you don’t drop everything to attend, and spend a fortune on high you don’t have doing so, it’s clear you don’t love your brother and are a shit sister” …

oh how the turn tables

I haven’t read the other thread but what did your parents say (forgive me if they are no longer with us) when they saw 2 two random kids there? I’m outraged in your behalf op!

I remember your thread and you definitely got a hard time!

Wow - imagine if you'd spent zillions sorting something out and actually saw the other children at the wedding. On the plus side, your Christmas list is probably smaller now......!

Wow! I'd be fuming. At least now you know where his priorities lie!

Your new SIL's sister is going to be extremely pissed off too. 👀👀👀

I wouldn't mind betting he did it deliberately because you said you couldnt go, to get back at you. Hurtful and vindictive.

So it's OK for his wifes relatives kid but not his own sisters....couple of wankers

How infuriating. I have had the same. Was invited to my cousins wedding (groom)before I'd announced I was pregnant so knew I'd have a baby a few weeks old. The invitation didn't mention children so I asked and was told no kids policy. Fine I could sort childcare for my eldest but asked if I'd be allowed to bring tiny baby. No. I was actually desperate to attend as had not seen lots of the family for ages. Another cousin helped me find a nanny down the road so I could pop in and out. Huge expense but never mind.

Turned up and there were loads of kids, at least 12! Groom was quite apologetic and said the deciding was all done by bride who gave him the impression it was only a couple of close family children but realised on the day she'd invited all her friends to bring their kids but said no to anyone making a request from his side.

I wonder if your brother didn't really know or was blindsided by people turning up with kids anyway. Or maybe he's just a cunt.

My cousin and his wife are now divorced!

I remember your post.

I think people are perfectly entitled to have child free weddings but in doing so they should consider the logistics. If you have guests travelling a significant distance then you are asking them to stay several days. It's not like going out for a night.

In your position I'd be raging. They are close family, not random kids.

I don't think weddings are great places for kids but sure they'd have enjoyed a trip away and your husband would have taken them up to the room or out of the way if they were tired or starting to get bored.

To me weddings are about bringing two families together, not having a fancy cake or venue. Somewhere we seem to have forgotten that

I would be sending more than glitter. What an utter arsehole. I would be utterly livid.

Wow, what a cunt.

Send him some dicks to suck!

What a prick.

I think reading your original thread just shows how many MN posters are in the ridiculously privileged position of being able to throw literally £1000s on a somewhat minor issue. And also how many don't live outside of the South East where there is no public transport.

I would be livid in your position. I'd have a Phoenix shitting glitter on his house for that. What has your DM said about it? Did no one tell you this sooner?!

How rude. It's all or nothing, unless you state the rules clearly and take the shit for it. My DB and DSIL said very clearly at their wedding "no kids. Apart from DN (their baby) my other DN (flower girl) and a friend's baby". They took the shit, were very open with it, and the wedding was amazing. It's better to be up front with that sort of thing

Aren't you a delight....

@TwinGirlsOnTheWay

It's not all or nothing

Otherwise you'd have to invite all your 2nd cousins, or all your partners family even if they're mean drunks

Some kids are less well liked by wider family due to a myriad of reasons, it's not unreasonable to think that might be why these children were allowed and the OPs weren't

I just read your other thread and was laughing- I live in the Scottish Highlands and know the public transport can be non-existent and extremely expensive most of the time! And don't get me started on the roads!
Now you can feel relief you didn't put yourself through that!

SEND THE GLITTER IN THE POST!

Where will your relationship with your brother go from here? I'm not sure I'd be able to come back from this. The incident itself is bad, but the feelings behind it are so hurtful. He's really fucked this one up. I'm so sorry OP

When it comes to kid free (making people spend even more money) it should be. Don't say it's kid free to some, and not to others. And definitely don't do what OP's brother did

As an aside, I wonder how many people who were telling you to just get the train or a taxi and ask why you needed three days to go to a wedding watched the Queen's cortege from Balmoral.

Much of the Highlands is far more remote than Balmoral and the OP wouldn't have had a Police escort clearing the way.

Welcome to the I've got a mean nasty brother club ☹️

It's not all or nothing

Actually, it's not. At least not where I live. We invited children of close family and friends (mainly children we had a relationship with), but we didn't invite children of co-workers, etc. if we didn't know the children. But if someone had asked if they could bring their children due to child care issues, I would certainly have said yes.

Bloody hell! I remember your other thread; people were really harsh on you (and a lot of people really had no fucking clue about the geography of the Scottish Highlands either, and were acting as if there's three fast trains an hour to every village in Sutherland or something).

I had something similar. Lifelong family friends told me I couldn’t bring my children and when I explained that that meant I probably wouldn’t be able to come - because we lived 250 miles away and didn’t have local childcare - had a massive hissy fit and offered to uninvite my parents so they could babysit. (In the end DH stayed home for the day and then swapped with my parents for the evening). Fair enough I thought, only the bride and groom’s kids will be there. Inconvenient but ok. But then all her local friends turned up with their kids in the evening! Our friendship did not recover.