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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

199 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/09/2022 15:23

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

OP posts:
Americano75 · 15/09/2022 19:15

I'm really glad you didn't go, I had a look at your other thread and can't believe some of the responses!

PortalooSunset · 15/09/2022 19:16

What. A. Prick.

Him not you obvs.

bringbackveronicamars · 15/09/2022 19:17

I remember your thread; you were right not to go under the circumstances. And now you know he's a twat to boot. Lucky you didn't waste your time and money on his day!

Lindy2 · 15/09/2022 19:25

How hurtful.

I can understand child free weddings but for very closely related children I think exceptions should be made.

To invite 2 more distantly related children and exclude your niece and nephew and then by consequence, your own sister, is frankly absolutely shitty behaviour.

I'm sorry your brother has treated you so badly.

CottonSock · 15/09/2022 19:35

What a shit bag. I'd go NC.

SequinsandStilettos · 15/09/2022 19:40

Glitterbomb the git, YES

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 15/09/2022 19:40

I would tag everyone that gave you a hard time from the original thread and have the girl ‘I fucking told you so!’

Jeez OP though that is not on. I’d be telling everyone how he refused to have his blood niece and nephew attend

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 15/09/2022 19:45

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 15/09/2022 19:40

I would tag everyone that gave you a hard time from the original thread and have the girl ‘I fucking told you so!’

Jeez OP though that is not on. I’d be telling everyone how he refused to have his blood niece and nephew attend

Apologies that should say have the title not girl🤦🏻‍♀️

cooldarkroom · 15/09/2022 19:59

Well that would be a irretrievable rift for me....
He clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings.
What a utter bastard

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/09/2022 20:05

What a shit.

TBH. I'd tag him, his wife. All your family (and any of hers you know) and say it how it is. Scorched earth it.

Then never speak to the shit again.

Original poster
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/09/2022 20:25

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 15/09/2022 18:52

Did she tell him though? Assume not in which case sympathy is senseless....

I would comment on the photos like a pp.
Let the world know what a tosser he is.

Show quote history

God no my mum is a total wimp, and wouldn’t want to make waves.

I hadn’t actually transferred the money I was gonna give them for a wedding gift (MN will love this they had a poem asking for bank transfers towards a honeymoon cruise) as we’ve moved house and the details are in one of our 508,387 unpacked boxes somewhere.

Really tempted to ask my mum for the details and send 1p. Won’t be sending the £100 I was planning to give.

Re going NC - it honestly hasn’t sunk in, he’s such a shit human being and I’m really upset about it. He’s been really rude to my mum too - she was planning on giving them £1,000 for their wedding (me and DH got nothing for a present for our wedding which is exactly what we asked for) and she has had medical bills for a heart condition (she lives abroad) to pay as she was hospitalised the week after the wedding. So she said she will give him £500. The selfish fucker has kicked off, saying they will be skint on their honeymoon now (they go next week).

Im so mad I’m actually calm…if that makes sense.

OP posts:
IchbineinBerlinerin · 15/09/2022 20:29

I remember your thread and thought you weren't being unreasonable at the time. Now I believe that even more! Awful double standards... It'd be enough for me to back away from the relationship honestly.

Nymeria6 · 15/09/2022 20:33

Definitely did the right thing not going. What did your parents say?? Surely they would have been on your side esp when two COUSINS are there and yours aren't. The DW is just as bad

Leeds2 · 15/09/2022 20:37

I wouldn't be sending them a penny for a wedding present. Nothing at all is all they deserve.

Sexnotgender · 15/09/2022 20:37

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/09/2022 20:25

God no my mum is a total wimp, and wouldn’t want to make waves.

I hadn’t actually transferred the money I was gonna give them for a wedding gift (MN will love this they had a poem asking for bank transfers towards a honeymoon cruise) as we’ve moved house and the details are in one of our 508,387 unpacked boxes somewhere.

Really tempted to ask my mum for the details and send 1p. Won’t be sending the £100 I was planning to give.

Re going NC - it honestly hasn’t sunk in, he’s such a shit human being and I’m really upset about it. He’s been really rude to my mum too - she was planning on giving them £1,000 for their wedding (me and DH got nothing for a present for our wedding which is exactly what we asked for) and she has had medical bills for a heart condition (she lives abroad) to pay as she was hospitalised the week after the wedding. So she said she will give him £500. The selfish fucker has kicked off, saying they will be skint on their honeymoon now (they go next week).

Im so mad I’m actually calm…if that makes sense.

Show quote history

Quite the charmer isn’t he.

Brefugee · 15/09/2022 20:40

I'd definitely be leaving pointed messages on the photos about how much the children are enjoying themselves and it's a pity they never got to meet your kids.

Your poor mum, it must be a bit of a shock to her, even so.

ColourMeExhausted · 15/09/2022 20:41

Read your original thread OP, was going to comment until I saw the date. Some of the responses!! Well I hope everyone who posted on that telling you that you were BU for not going is reading this and feeling ashamed. Also, the update about guilting your mum for honeymoon money...just, wow!

Why am I getting the feeling his second marriage won't last too long?

Definitely would go NC or very limited, if you can.

JudgeJ · 15/09/2022 20:46

catandcoffee · 15/09/2022 15:41

Looks like your brother has chosen "his side " 😔

From MN, I get the impression that most women except their husbands to abandon their birth family in favour of her's, it crops up all the time.

Igneococcus · 15/09/2022 20:48

I live in the Highlands, reading that first thread I'm quite amused by the fact that some people think you can do a 350 miles trip that involves some driving in the Highlands, twice in one day with a wedding in between. It's 120 miles from my house to Edinburgh (the last 30 miles on a motorway), I plan 2.5 hours for that and I'm not a slow driver, it can take longer depending on how many tourists and trucks you get stuck behind.

RampantIvy · 15/09/2022 21:14

I agree @Igneococcus.

So many posters who live in urban areas have absolutely no idea what the A roads are like in the Scottish Highlands.

Alloftheboys · 15/09/2022 21:17

I wouldn’t transfer 1p as a present - it might look like you’d mistyped £100. I’d transfer a random amount like 37p so it looks deliberate.

RampantIvy · 15/09/2022 21:24

So she said she will give him £500. The selfish fucker has kicked off, saying they will be skint on their honeymoon now

I'm Shock at this ^^
His mum has had medical treatmant and all he can think of is his honeymoon!!

What a selfish and self absorbed waste of space he is.

Bobbins36 · 15/09/2022 21:28

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet your brother sounds like a monumental bellend. Take the £100 and spend it on a slap up meal for you, DH and kids. Invite your other bro along 👍

Igneococcus · 15/09/2022 21:32

If the venue is a few miles off the A9, maybe it could be done @RampantIvy it would still be quite the drive, in the middle of tourist season too.
Also all the people who mention trains or planes. The train from Glasgow to where I live takes 3 hours and there are only 6 trains daily. I really like where I live but travel takes very careful planning.

cooldarkroom · 15/09/2022 23:32

Spend the 100 aid on yourselves, for something really fun, take photos & post it on fb.

Fantastic day with my family, thanks Bro. for being such an utter Dork, we had a great day with the money I saved up for your wedding present, you thankless Wanker