Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

You were justified as we all knew you would be. What a spineless tit of a man.

I remember your thread Lydia and I know you tried every which way to make it work.
I don't blame you being absolutely furious 🤬
If it was me I think it'd be the end of the sibling relationship to be honest. Cordial at family events, but nothing more.

I think I would find out how and why they were there before kicking off. Did the children’s parents not get the memo or planning ignored it? Did db’s wiife caved and allowed them to go? Did they just turn up on the day un-announced, and then you couldn’t really turn them away.

Annoying though.

i remember your thread thank god you didnt go - usual mn posters were being their usual charming selves telling you you must get there somehow

but they feel stupid

sorry your brother is a dick

hire a phoenix hahahahaha

why have them in the photos though if they were there unannounced could have just said we cant have them in pictures thanks

Are you the brother?

Wow, that's so bloody unfair OP.

You were given such a hard time on that thread. I'm glad you came back with an update.

You sound lovely

Well now you know what to buy his kids for their birthdays. Drumkit? Trumpet? Crafting kits??

All that stress you had trying to see how it could work...

I'd be so hurt by this. I'd also feel totally betrayed and utterly fucking furious.

What a load of dicks. Imagine if

Urgh fat fingers!!

Imagine if you'd spent hundreds or rearranged your life to attend, only to see the other kids!!

Your bro is a prick, be glad you didn't go. And i fully support you sending regular glitter bombs!!!

I was on the other thread and it was utterly loopy.

You clearly had no way to make things work if your arse of a brother wouldn't back down but there were a bunch of stupid dickheads trying to suggest otherwise and coming up with weird and wonderful batshittery. They seem very quiet on this one and long may it last.

Be very mad with your brother. Ensure that he and your parents are acutely aware why (sounds like your parents are sort of on your side now). Don't let it go, and when he next wants something from you remind him of this.

Your brother owes you a massive, grovelling apology, though I wouldn't hold your breath.

I don’t think you were unreasonable not to go.

But they may have just turned up with the guests?

I went to a “child-free” wedding in Feb 2020 (which was fine I wouldn’t take them anyway) and one of our friends (who is really disorganised and flakey) turned up with her three in tow saying the baby sitter let her down! It was a more casual affair in a private section of a pub but I still think that was rude when she could have left them with her husband (they live very locally)

is there a chance that could have happened?

So it wasn't a child-free wedding then. Your children just weren't invited. What a scummy couple. At least you know now where you stand. Don't go to any effort with them or any children in the future.

What a wanker. Bet you're delighted you didn't spend a fortune getting there!!

I recall the original thread OP and after reading it thought that you would have had a lucky escape by not attending the wedding.
Bloody good job that you didn't then, but I bet you would have liked to have been a fly on the wall the same 😀

Did she tell him though? Assume not in which case sympathy is senseless....

I would comment on the photos like a pp.
Let the world know what a tosser he is.

Tell your parents (and every other relative you can lay your hands on) that you have seen the photo and you are absolutely distraught that you had to miss the wedding because your children weren't allowed to go. And even more upset now you have seen that other children were allowed. And you are in absolute floods of tears over it, and how could your brother do that to you when you love him so much and so desperately wanted to be there.

oh yeah, do this! and send glitter. 2nd one 3 months after the first.
And then - as i do with my sibling's wedding - ignore it for ever more. No cards on their anniversary, no acknowledgement at all. Whenever anyone mentions their wedding I'm all "oh really, i wouldn't know" and so on. It infuriates my SiL but i don't care because she's a cow.

So where are all the you-absolutely-have-to-go-its-your-brother people from the last thread?

What a kick in the teeth

Are you the brother? There's absolutely no excuse for such a nasty comment.

Bet you're glad you didn't spend £1k to be there on your own

My db did similar but his wedding was 9hr flight away & he expected me to leave my 10 month old baby for a week.

We decided not to go & I was cried the day of his wedding cos I felt I'd been forced to miss it.

Photos showed some random friend of the bride with a baby in a sling

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