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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scottish Highlands child free wedding - update

199 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/09/2022 15:23

Some of you may remember that last month I asked if IWBU for missing my brother’s child free wedding which was in the Scottish highlands (350 miles away) as our childcare fell through last minute? And I got my arse massively handed to me for refusing to charter a private plan, or hire a phoenix to carry me there, and go at all costs.

heres the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4609108-childcare-fallen-through-so-cant-make-dbs-child-free-wedding

WELL….you may recall that my DB wouldn’t change his mind about the kids not coming. It was a hard ‘no’ to kids even when that meant I couldn’t go myself.

The wedding photos have just been posted on Facebook - there’s two fucking kids in the photos!! I messaged him asking who they were and they’re his DW’s cousin’s children. He’s refusing to answer why his niece and nephew weren’t invited, even when we had no childcare, and these kids were. He says he “doesn’t owe me an explanation about anything”. I think he fucking does after the grief he gave me about not coming! I’m bloody furious! Seriously considering sending glitter in the post to him. Twat. So, so pleased I didn’t spend a small fortune going on my own.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 15/09/2022 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well, fine, that would be up to him. But it would also mean he had no right to kick off about his sister not coming to his wedding because she didn't have childcare, which is exactly what he did.

Longdistance · 15/09/2022 16:41

What a wanker!

Wasn't thus like his third marriage or something? If you sent a cheque, I’d cancel it!

Surtsey · 15/09/2022 16:44

Tell your parents (and every other relative you can lay your hands on) that you have seen the photo and you are absolutely distraught that you had to miss the wedding because your children weren't allowed to go. And even more upset now you have seen that other children were allowed. And you are in absolute floods of tears over it, and how could your brother do that to you when you love him so much and so desperately wanted to be there.

Lay it on thick. You get the drift.

applesandpears33 · 15/09/2022 16:45

I read your other thread and I'd be pissed off about this too. Some people just don't get the logistical problems that kids and long distances can cause and just seem to assume that everyone has someone they can leave kids with for two or three days. How does you Mum feel about it?

Folklore9074 · 15/09/2022 16:45

Yeah, I’d be going proper low contact after that. Jeeze.

idonotmind · 15/09/2022 16:47

The writing is on the wall on this one

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 15/09/2022 16:50

What an arsehole your DB is. I have to say, I felt you made a lot of excuses in the beginning on the first thread as lots of posters came up with reasonable ways you could attend. However, and it is a huge however, I now acknowledge that it appears you were absolutely right not to go as clearly your DB couldn’t really give a shit about your attendance. As a PP said, at least you can say I told you so. Stuff him OP and spend the wedding gift money on something nice for yourself x

autienotnaughty · 15/09/2022 16:52

That thread was hilarious some of the suggestions were mad! Bet your glad you never chartered that plane now.

SirChenjins · 15/09/2022 16:52

Bloody hell 😲 I remember your last thread and you weren’t unreasonable then (despite what the maddies from the fringes of Mumsnet claimed). Good job you didn’t go, and definitely cool off relations with your brother - he/they sound awful.

catmothertes1 · 15/09/2022 16:53

SpinCityBlues · 15/09/2022 15:50

There are always children at child-free weddings. It's part of the rules of wedding insanity.

Indeed. My friend's wedding was child free but one of his colleague brought 2 young kids (a colleague,not even "family"). They were right behind me at the meal and I could not hear the speeches with the racket they were making!

urgen · 15/09/2022 16:54

I dont have an issue with child free weddings (we had one but only 30 people overall) but what a horrible thing to do.

Many years ago a friend of mine really didnt want kids at her wedding. She had been to far too many that had been messed up by children running around, crying and the parents just looking on indulgently. However one of our group of friends decided to bring her toddler and didnt tell anyone. She thought she could just turn up and say 'sorry, childcare has let me down'! Of course she knew she would be allowed in. Needless to say she wanted her child to be the centre of the wedding and yes, it did start wriggling and crying at inappropriate times.

She admitted after a few drinks months later that she didnt have any childcare booked. It was a scummy thing to do.

Either have a child free wedding or not but realistically I am not sure what one can do with a guest dressed for a wedding with a child at the church?

I have been to a wedding where the B & G hired a nanny to whisk the kids off before entry to the church. Two sets of parents refused the offer and made their way into the church. Some people are just very very self absorbed.

Novum · 15/09/2022 16:55

Surtsey · 15/09/2022 16:44

Tell your parents (and every other relative you can lay your hands on) that you have seen the photo and you are absolutely distraught that you had to miss the wedding because your children weren't allowed to go. And even more upset now you have seen that other children were allowed. And you are in absolute floods of tears over it, and how could your brother do that to you when you love him so much and so desperately wanted to be there.

Lay it on thick. You get the drift.

I like it.

If you don't go for this, ask him for confirmation that he withdraws every word of criticism he made of you for not going, given that you could easily have gone if you could have brought the children. And keep asking him.

ImNotAnExpert · 15/09/2022 16:56

Yeah, this has happened to me before with 'child free' weddings.

gatehouseoffleet · 15/09/2022 16:57

I remember your thread OP. Isn't it lovely when there's on rule for one, and another for others.

It would have been fine for him to say no kids and then accept you couldn't go due to the childcare issue arising late on, but to say no kids and moan about you not going while simultaneously allowing other kids just takes the biscuit!

35965a · 15/09/2022 16:57

Some of the replies on your previous thread were batshit, basically expecting you to teleport yourself there.
Well now you know for sure your brother is a massive knob.

bloodyplanes · 15/09/2022 16:59

Your db sounds like a total knob!

KarenOLantern · 15/09/2022 17:00

Oh my god, what a colossal TW4T!!!

Campervangirl · 15/09/2022 17:03

XCTX · 15/09/2022 15:33

No way!! lucky escape there OP aren't you glad you never shelled out for a phoenix!

Hilarious 😂 I'm also glad you didn't shell out for a Phoenix 😂

Notonthestairs · 15/09/2022 17:05

I remember your thread. At one point the idea was to fly in to Dublin and then fly out to Scotland. Or that your husband and children should travel for hours and then occupy themselves for the day and camp out because there was no room at the hotel.
It was quite mad.

I do hope your mother spotted that children were in attendance.

DappledThings · 15/09/2022 17:05

Your last thread was insane. The number of people insisting you hadn't answered questions that you had answered 5 times already. I was infuriated for you.

You were never being unreasonable then and absolutely aren't being so now to be really pissed off.

HellyR · 15/09/2022 17:06

What an arsehole! I was on your side then and feel justified! Imagine how much it'd have ruined your day if you'd have done everything in your power to go kid-free and then saw it wasn't actually kid-free at all.

ThorsBedazzler · 15/09/2022 17:07

I had wondered what had happened!

Blimey. I would send many glitter packages in the post. Timed to arrive on a three weekly basis just because.

pushpushthebutton · 15/09/2022 17:08

I feel for you OP. My sister did the same, insisted she was having a child free wedding and wouldn’t let my dc come (1 and 3 years old). I managed to get childcare so went to the wedding, when I turned up two other non family guests had been allowed to bring their dc.
Took me a while to get my head round why she thought this was ok. I don’t know if she felt more awkward saying no when non family asked if their dc could come. It really hurt at the time.

Alloftheboys · 15/09/2022 17:12

I was bridesmaid for my friend a few years ago. Bride was a bit nervous about telling me the wedding was child free but I was delighted.
I wasn’t so happy when 2 other bridesmaids children turned up at the church and proceeded to leg it up and down the side of the church and weren’t taken out by their respective fathers.

Roxie99 · 15/09/2022 17:12

Thank God you didn't go

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