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AIBU?

Holding off potty training a 3y9m old

168 replies

AmySma1i · 13/09/2022 21:19

Hi, my DD is 3y9m old and isn't showing many signs of being potty trained yet after successful earlier attempts, we've taken a break after a long spell where we've been able to have no pants but to no avail, she recognises far too late with nothing on, and never notices until patterns change in the nappy.

We've got a trip to visit grandparents in Australia in 2 months time and I don't think we'll reliably crack potty training by then if at all. I've decided to go back to just nappies for the trip and the month away and try again when we get back. However she's going to turn 4 years old whilst away and i never thought I'd still have a 4 year old in nappies day and night. Am I making the correct decision holding off or should I give one big final push despite there not being many signs? Any advice as well as general thoughts would be amazing ❤

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

345 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
90%
You are NOT being unreasonable
10%
TiredInPerpetuity · 13/09/2022 21:22

I'd give it another try. If she's ready, it'll only take a few days and then you'll have a good run of dry time to get more reliable before your trip. I wouldn't want to be changing nappies/pull ups for a child that big on a long flight! Where would you lay her down to change on the plane if she does a poo?

FuoriComeUnBalcone · 13/09/2022 21:22

Does she go if you put her on the toilet/potty?

downwiththebees · 13/09/2022 21:26

I would try again.

TwoWeeksislong · 13/09/2022 21:31

You can always put her in pull ups for the plane but try to get her to use the toilet regularly too.

WhiskerPatrol · 13/09/2022 21:34

TiredInPerpetuity · 13/09/2022 21:22

I'd give it another try. If she's ready, it'll only take a few days and then you'll have a good run of dry time to get more reliable before your trip. I wouldn't want to be changing nappies/pull ups for a child that big on a long flight! Where would you lay her down to change on the plane if she does a poo?

I agree with this. 2 months is a very long time for a preschooler and once children are ready to PT it usually goes quickly! What methods have you tried?

NuffSaidSam · 13/09/2022 21:34

Will she go to the toilet if you take her? Is it just remembering to go that's the problem?

Holidaydreamingagain · 13/09/2022 21:34

I can’t think why any NT 3.9 year old needs to be in nappies. She is perfectly capable, she’ll just not be fussed by nappies. You need to just bite the bullet

Charcy · 13/09/2022 21:38

Nearly 4 is too old for nappies unless there are additional needs. You said you had successful spells? So what changed? I think you just need to bite the bullet. It will make your trip and journey far more pleasurable.

Redbone · 13/09/2022 21:39

If there are no SN then I think that you have left it late. Crack on with it !

GiltEdges · 13/09/2022 21:41

Forget about the signs. At almost 4 (presuming no SN or physical disabilities) she just doesn’t want to do it. As others have said, you can make a lot of progress in a couple of months, so I’d just get on with it ASAP.

SnackSizeRaisin · 13/09/2022 21:41

Your post doesn't really make sense Have you tried putting her in pants and telling her she gets a sweet for every wee on the toilet? I would try that for a few days. She's too old to go naked and will never learn if you keep her in nappies.
If you feel you're getting nowhere despite trying, I would consult a health visitor or GP in case there's an underlying problem. But in any case there's no need to delay because of a trip in 2 months time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can still use the occasional nappy if you need to, for long journeys or night time etc.

Reluctantadult · 13/09/2022 21:42

There is a great charity called Eric that might have advice on their website.

switswoo81 · 13/09/2022 21:43

My daughter was practically non verbal and had a development delay at this age but I was determined to potty train.
My only advice that worked for us would be. Don't leave her bare bummed let her wet knickers. The first time I tried she was getting it bare bummed then when she felt knickers on she presumed they were nappies and soiled them. Never ever use pull ups as they will confuse her. She needs to feel herself wet when she has an accident.

Stay home for a while and bring spare clothes anytime you leave the house after. Bring her to the toilet every 15 mins for the first few days. Praise every dribble and don't react to accidents negatively. Put towels on the sofas and be prepared for mess.
Do not go backwards and put nappies on.

This is what worked for us , it might not be what everyone agrees with.

WomBat55 · 13/09/2022 21:44

Yep, just do it. I remember reading the Oh Crap! Potty Training book when preparing for training my son and there was definitely a thing about how much harder it is when the child is over 3. There’s some developmental sweet spot between 24-30 months or something. You’ve missed that at this stage, so you just need to go for it and don’t give in, until she’s day trained. Night training can wait. It’s just going to get harder the longer you wait as it will become a power struggle

littlepiecesofnothing · 13/09/2022 21:45

Does she have additional needs?

if not, it’s verging on neglectful to have a child that age still in nappies.

get a move on and get her trained.

LastWordsOfALiar · 13/09/2022 21:45

No two children are the same. I didn't think I'd have a child who struggles in the ways they do.

Age is just a number. Have a lovely holiday and try again when you get back. As long as she's out of nappies when in school, that's the main thing (if possible obviously)

LastWordsOfALiar · 13/09/2022 21:47

littlepiecesofnothing · 13/09/2022 21:45

Does she have additional needs?

if not, it’s verging on neglectful to have a child that age still in nappies.

get a move on and get her trained.

Eer what?!

Neglectful for following a child's needs?

There's no blood test to check for 'additional needs'. Not being able to control you bladder is an additional need, it doesn't need to be accompanied by another condition to make it any more valid.

Stop shaming someone because their child is ready. All children are different, in the same way as all adults are. Trying to insinuate that OP is neglectful is shameful on you.

waterrat · 13/09/2022 21:51

I think its obviously not the end of the world...but my summer born daughter was at school by just turned 4 so thst does seem very very unusual to me.

I think being honest people leave it later now as disposable nappies make ir so easy to continue. If we were washing nappies by hand still you wouldnt have 4 year olds in them.

I would try to crack it. Dont do more complex training just put the kid in pants and make them sit on the loo once an hour !

A good tip i realised was that accidents are part of the transition not a sign the child isnt ready. I would just ditch the nappies and ensure you constantly remind them to go.

You can alwayys use a pull up on the plane to oz if yoi are worried.

My daughter is autistic and was potty trained in thr day by 2 but still wet nearly every night at 8 years old....so i know it can be tricky

LuvSmallDogs · 13/09/2022 21:52

All kids are different. DS2 has learning difficulties and is still in nappies, but between my two NT children, there are big differences.

DS1 was into his second year of nursery (and one of the older kids) before he was trained, with earlier attempts unsuccessful. Even after a long time doing wees in potty reliably, he would hide to poo his pants, it was truly gross.

DS3 was in his first year of nursery, and it was like a switch flipped - wees and poos all in potty or toilet, and has to be cajoled into letting us help with wiping (DS1 wanted help wiping even when he didn't need it anymore).

What I will say is, I don't believe the hype in children getting confused by switching between nappies and potty/toilet. DS3 still wears nappies for bed (normal for his age) and will wee or poo in them while still awake when he would usually go to the toilet. They do know the difference.

Winterfellismyhome · 13/09/2022 21:54

I would try and potty train her. I potty trained DS over the summer, just after his fourth birthday. He has ASD but got the hang of it really quickly. The Oh Crap book is good. Good luck!

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2022 21:54

Two months is a good amount of time. I’d give it a go. Use the holiday as something to aim for.

Snowiscold · 13/09/2022 21:56

You need to train her. Forget about “signs”. It’s your job as a parent. It’s your job to help her.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/09/2022 21:57

Crack on with it, she is too old to be in nappies if she has no developmental issues. Two months is ages.

It’s confusing for them when you stop and start, so commit and stick to it. Stay home for a week, to get going.

Take her out and buy some big girl pants (even if you already have some), get her to help you to ceremonially put the nappies away ‘until a baby visits and needs them’.

Ask her where she would like to have her potty and what books she would like to have there.

Take her into the bathroom with you and demo using the loo. Repeat this as you go if she is slow to pick up. She needs to see this as the grown up thing to do.

Put her in pants, always, feeling wet material is part of what will make her want to use the potty.

Put her on it regularly to start with - so regularly the chances of an accident are minimal, reward her for using it.

Once that’s working, put her on it less often and start rewarding her for asking for it and using it. Prompt her regularly to start with.

Once that’s working start a reward chart with a big thing she’s like if she is (more or less) using it successfully for a week.

Talk to your health visitor in a month if it isn’t working, but (unless there is a deeper problem, in which case you need a referral) it will.

Snowpaw · 13/09/2022 21:57

What happened after the previous “successful attempts”? What changed.

Is she just pooing wherever she is, in a nappy, or is she hiding/going to a specific place to do it? What’s her speech like? Does she talk about weeing and pooing?

Abouttimemum · 13/09/2022 21:59

I’d just get it done. When DS was ready at just before 3 we put a week aside and it was done by the end of it. If it’s been successful then what changed, how did it go backwards?

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