Holding off potty training a 3y9m old

[AmySma1i]

Hi, my DD is 3y9m old and isn't showing many signs of being potty trained yet after successful earlier attempts, we've taken a break after a long spell where we've been able to have no pants but to no avail, she recognises far too late with nothing on, and never notices until patterns change in the nappy.

We've got a trip to visit grandparents in Australia in 2 months time and I don't think we'll reliably crack potty training by then if at all. I've decided to go back to just nappies for the trip and the month away and try again when we get back. However she's going to turn 4 years old whilst away and i never thought I'd still have a 4 year old in nappies day and night. Am I making the correct decision holding off or should I give one big final push despite there not being many signs? Any advice as well as general thoughts would be amazing ❤

By "try" what do you mean - like describe the weekend and what happened. It might help readers understand the technique you're using and help identify any changes you could make.

3 days isn’t enough. You need to be prepared to give it at least a week and expect a gazillion accidents.

Yes. Neglect by the parent who hasn’t bothered! Don’t use an extreme example of what a school may be faced with, with what they can/can’t do.

They can say they can’t accommodate such a child due to lack of resources, inadequate facilities etc and there would be nothing anyone could do about it. Except of course train your own child at home and send them in when they won’t suffer the ill effects of incontinence.

Again, this is not applicable to kids with additional needs but mainstream schools aren’t broadbrush expected to manage incontinent children, stop talking rubbish.

No one laughed at him or “got the ick”, anymore than they laughed/were allowed to laugh at the child with spectacles or the one with a walking frame

You have no idea what went on during the day in that class. Bigger kids wee more. A larger volume, and still quite often.

Kids will be able to smell this. Don’t kid yourself that you don’t know what this child (or children) went through. Kids are blunt and unkind and a kid at school in nappies would generally be noticed.

Anyway, how are you privy to this info regarding other kids anyway!

And Don’t compare glasses, or a disabled child to one who hasn’t been toilet trained.

Really!

How do you know that the child who hasn't been toilet trained doesn't have other issues like nerve damage?

That's what the mum needs to be sure of that there is no other reason.

I have repeatedly said, barring difficulties. If this child has a problem it’s, fair enough.

But OP gave up after a weekend. Three days! So is not spending the time and helping make it happen, or nerve difficulties 🙄

Three days. Give me a break. I’ve taken longer to break in new shoes.

*So is it not spending the time or nerve difficulties

‘DD - no more nappies ok! This is how it’s going to be. Big girl pants and toilet use only. It takes as long as it takes, and mistakes are ok, but the nappies are gone’

Watch this child suddenly be trained in the very near future.

I'm not talking rubbish ,a school cannot refuse to take a child who isn't toilet trained it's illegal

No it’s not.
Parent has to be able to prove its a disability, as defined by the Equality act 2010.

Not toilet training a child because you just haven’t done it yet, doesn’t meet that criteria I’m afraid, and will be the case for most kids who aren’t continent yet in mainstream school (rather than those who attend a special needs school).

I was a primary governor for years and am very familiar with this.

It’s amazing how many incontinent kids whose parents wish them to start reception, suddenly became trained when they realise this.

It’s like asking for proving disability did children who can’t see properly, because the parent can’t be arsed to get them glasses!

*providing disability aids for children who can’t see properly

I agree that you need to try longer than a weekend. We allocated a week and just resigned ourself to the fact we would be carrying a potty everywhere plus a bag with 7 or 8 changes of clothes in. We never did pull ups and our dc learnt over that week that being soiled or wet felt horrible and it was better to use the toilet. Trying then stopping and trying later is not helping. Throw the nappies and pull ups away and just go for it.

2 of my kids decided they'd do it when they turned 4. They got it pretty much straight away and there was no issues, just a happy content child with no stress. Follow your child's lead. They will let you know x

Because he’s a friend of my child and I’m friends with his Mum. My child has disabilities too, we have been known to talk about how school accommodates them. And because when I’m in school for eg assembly or I see him mixing with his peers at birthday parties I use my eyes. How else would I know - you think I set up a spy cam or hide in my kid’s bookbag to observe or something?!

That child is a lovely boy, funny and popular and I genuinely don’t think he’s been bullied because of his disability. His Mum doesn’t think he has. But if he was, that would have been unacceptable. Honestly the person coming across as unkind here is you.

Even if the OPs child has no reason not to be toilet trained (and I have no idea where you get that op only trained for a three day weekend, her previous posts say she’s tried several times before) do you honestly think your posts are helpful or appropriate? Do you think the parent of a child who uses nappies for medical reasons needs to read you pontificating that other kids think their child is icky or smelly?!

You’ve basically trained your nearly 4 year old to sit in her own waste.
I don’t get the reluctance on MN to keep wains in nappies until well past 3, I bet they’re not in cots, highchairs, sucking from bottles at that age.
Someone on another thread mentioned their goal (for a NT child) was to be potty trained by the day before they started school! Shocking really.

Hi all, a bit further to these comments we tried the oh crap book that weekend.

We have also tried for longer periods than 3 days we eyed up the summer holiday to no avail, we spent 2 and a half weeks, pantless completely naked whilst it was warm enough but we had no success in doing this, anything that happened on the potty /toilet was purely coincidental and very rare. I wouldn't have questioned it if I felt I hadn't exhausted every option.

We will visit the GP next week, and hopefully this might give some progress in seeing if there is a reason behind this. She is already one of only a few in her nursery class in nappies and I do feel self conscious for her.

We've always tried to make sure she's as developed as possible mentally and physically, she was slower to the physical goals but as sharp as anything with learning so its not a mental block I don't think. We wanted her out by 3 not still in at nearly 4, this definitely isn't the cheap or easy option

I'm not talking rubbish ,a school cannot refuse to take a child who isn't toilet trained it's illegal

Who should deal with this then? Parents shoild be on the end of the phone and willing to come into school very quickly to deal with their child.

was your DD/DS alright with you putting a pull up on them on the plane ? my son is 4 and wears a nappy to bed and on long car journeys but gets embarassed being changed infront of others.