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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should sack her?

519 replies

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:13

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 13/09/2022 19:48

I’d find it difficult to work with someone who was able to maintain a lie so easily.

Its nice to know who you’re working with and not have to worry that you’re chatting to a persona.

I have no idea why so many posters can’t admit they’d feel weird in the same situation.

melissasummerfield · 13/09/2022 19:48

I work in HR and would also tell you its not work related.

Next time she talks about having twins why don’t you say ‘ twins? I thought you had a son?’ Its really not that difficult.

MyNoseIsCold · 13/09/2022 19:49

What if your aunt is the liar?

RedDiamond · 13/09/2022 19:50

ClocksGoingBackwards · 13/09/2022 19:48

I’d find it difficult to work with someone who was able to maintain a lie so easily.

Its nice to know who you’re working with and not have to worry that you’re chatting to a persona.

I have no idea why so many posters can’t admit they’d feel weird in the same situation.

How would you even know it was untrue? Not unless your Aunt is the Childminder...

tellyiscrap · 13/09/2022 19:50

@vroom321 , which bit did you want me to answer ?

NoodleSnow · 13/09/2022 19:50

A very wise head teacher told me that if people ask you things that are genuinely none of their business, you are under absolutely no obligation to tell them the truth.

Original poster
Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:50

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 19:43

Have you met her husband personally and been introduced to him as such? Have you been to her house and stayed with her 24/7 to check there are no twins. Maybe she is separated for DH and now living with a woman who has twins.

I would hate to think there was someone so nosey as you, in my workplace. And don't get me started on your aunt. I hope this person realises soon that your aunt is gossiping about her, so she can get a new childminder!

Show quote history

My aunt has been introduced to her husband. She has become quite friendly with them as a couple. Been to a party for their DC at their house etc. She is lying. Without question. My colleague has recently moved to our team. She doesn’t know I’m related to Aunt. We only found out because I was on the way to visit Aunt as colleague was leaving the house. She didn’t see me but I saw her. She’s got a very unusual name so through that and doing some social media searching it’s all come out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:51

And also once you’ve twigged she’s lying it’s very obvious details of her life she’s telling everyone in work don’t add up.

OP posts:
itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou · 13/09/2022 19:51

You can't actually know what 'her' truth is.

eg with the children, let's say she says 'I have 4 children' - your aunt says she has 3 - what if one child is deceased or has been adopted, etc. and 4 is actually correct as she sees it (obviously I don't know details just an example of how something might look like a lie)

I had a 'friend' a long time ago who used to question every detail of every story / comment I ever made, trying to find or poke holes in everything I said, to this day I have no idea if it was the way I was saying things that made me sound like a liar / she had a lack of trust / lack of comprehension on her part - but ultimately I actually felt like a liar because of her questioning, even in the most innocent of situation - I'm not necessarily saying you're doing this, but... two sides to every story, etc.

MadMadMadamMim · 13/09/2022 19:52

You sound utterly vile.

I'd rather work with your colleague than you, frankly.

Snugglemonkey · 13/09/2022 19:52

Devo1818 · 13/09/2022 19:23

It's your aunt who should be sacked

Absolutely! This is disgusting. The two of you have no right to be gossiping away and taking it to HR. You are not trustworthy!

CurbsideProphet · 13/09/2022 19:53

What kind of sensitive data is being handled by a company that only has one person in the HR department 🤔

walkingonsunshinekat · 13/09/2022 19:53

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:35

It doesn’t help that “HR” is one woman who’s this liar woman’s best friend. Frankly I don’t believe any decent HR department would shrug the level of fantasy she’s spouting as nonsense. If anything surely there is a level of care they should have for her mental health?!

What sort of company is it that has all this highly sensitive data but only one person in the HR dept & who happens to be the villain of peace's best friend?

To be perfectly frank, are you sure, i mean really sure, you re not making the whole saga up?

Charcy · 13/09/2022 19:53

Maybe your aunt has the wrong person... or, I mean if this woman knows her childminder is your aunt, maybe she's just messing with you.
Maybe you should just mind your own business, you've openly stated she's good at her job. As someone who gets frustrated working with people who aren't, do ymthe job you're paid to do and go home.

Redqueenheart · 13/09/2022 19:53

Actually the problem is with you and your family member.

You aunt is mouthing off about her employer's personal life and you are gossiping at work and trying to get your colleague sacked.

You and your aunt should be sacked by your employers rather than your colleague...

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 19:53

You are stalking her on social media, and she is close enough to your aunt that they go out together, but she is unaware you and aunt are gossiping about her 🤷☹️

Lb603 · 13/09/2022 19:53

You sound obsessed with her. I would be more worried about you to be fair, you sound like you are harassing her.

She doesn't need to tell you anything about herself, it's not impacting her work. I honestly don't understand why you are approaching your auntie/her childminder to talk about her, or why you care so much and spend your time investigating everything she says.

NC499 · 13/09/2022 19:53

Well the employment is based on her work and his ability to do that without lying. The problem with bringing morals into this, is where does it end? Do you get to sack someone because they had a child outside marriage, or because they decided that they didn't want to care for an elderly relative? Do you sack someone because they have a history of mental illness or shagged your DH before you met him. Employment laws are there for a reason, because we don't get to decide who is and who isn't good enough. Once they are employed and have been for two years you need to have a pretty good reason for sacking them, and this should preferably be proceeded by a feedback system warning of the potential impact of potential behaviours (gross misconduct obviously does not need this).

Crimeismymiddlename · 13/09/2022 19:54

I have an employee who I have caught out in lies about their personal life. It’s not a work issue, the lies are so stupid and make no sense half the time. But they don’t effect work.
However, what has effected work Is they have started to lie about things I have done, or not done for example I will ask why they have not done a task and they say they were not asked to. That is an issue I deal with in work. Otherwise they can pretend they own the house they rent or all of the other crap they say and I don’t care.
I can sort of see your point that people don’t trust them, but your op does seem like you hate them and want them sacked.

BluebellsareBlue · 13/09/2022 19:56

tellyiscrap · 13/09/2022 19:21

The aunt should not be discussing any personal information

You don't have a clue why this woman is making things up , maybe she's desperately trying to fit in ? How do you know some of it is not true
I tell people I have 3 children , I only tell the very select few that I have 4

Which one do you pretend doesn't exist to people? Does that child know they don't exist in some of your life situations? do they just not matter as much as the other three? I'm genuinely interested in this

KevinTheKoala · 13/09/2022 19:56

There could be a number of reasons she's lying about her private life, but that's the thing it's her private life. Not work related and so has no impact on her work. As for who deals with my sensitive information, a lot of people handle my sensitive information (bank details, medical details etc.) I don't know a single one and so no, it wouldn't concern me as long as they weren't spreading my information around. What would concern me, would be a childcare provider gossiping about my home life to other people.

Original poster
Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:57

I don’t hate her. I was just shocked that she can lie so easily. And it worries me for our elderly clients. I still think it’s incredibly creepy. And a betrayal of all of our trust - it’s like we’ve been talking to a mask instead of a person.

OP posts:
generalh · 13/09/2022 19:57

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:35

It doesn’t help that “HR” is one woman who’s this liar woman’s best friend. Frankly I don’t believe any decent HR department would shrug the level of fantasy she’s spouting as nonsense. If anything surely there is a level of care they should have for her mental health?!

What did she say when you said you knew she was lying g?

Sunbun19 · 13/09/2022 19:57

It's nothing to do with work but it is extremely weird to make up stuff that extreme

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 13/09/2022 19:57

OP : AIBU
ALMOST EVERYONE ON MN : yes
OP : no I'm not and I don't believe any of you