To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

No you dont know that. You only have your aunts perspective, as someone who is given limited information and access to the home. You can't possibly believe that you have 100% insight in you coworkers life, same like no one has complete insight into yours. It's despicable you think you deserve full disclosure to everything she does. Stalker. You do not know if she has children outside of the home or if she has an open, side, or poly style relationship.. And you have no right to dictate the parameters of her conversations at work. Let this woman do her job, and stop thinking like you have to police the office, Ninny Drew.

No you dont know that. You only have your aunts perspective, as someone who is given limited information and access to the home. You can't possibly believe that you have 100% insight in you coworkers life, same like no one has complete insight into yours. It's despicable you think you deserve full disclosure to everything she does. Stalker. You do not know if she has children outside of the home or if she has an open, side, or poly style relationship.. And you have no right to dictate the parameters of her conversations at work. Let this woman do her job, and stop thinking like you have to police the office, Ninny Drew.

OP, it would really, really bother me if someone was lying to my face like that (assuming you have your facts right). It's disrespectful and insulting. I'm shocked by the number of posters who claim this wouldn't bother them. The comments about her struggles as someone in a same-sex couple are particularly appalling, if they are indeed lies.

Also, she's telling these lies to everyone in the office, so i don't see how people can say she's making them up specifically for you because you're nosy. FWIW, I also probably would have taken a peek on social media just to verify what I thought I knew (though that's definitely nosy).

I think you now understand that reporting it to HR was an overstep and that a sackable offense hasn't been committed (yet...that anyone knows of). It's likely her lies will eventually seep into her work, and hopefully the damage to others will be minimal. Don't push this further, as it will only cause you trouble.

Try to avoid small talk with her. Or, (my preferred method because I am a child), every time she says something you think is a lie, say that you have a friend in the exact same situation. 'Oh, my friend Tina also has twins!' 'Oh, my friend Tina also went there on holiday.' etc. Better yet, the friend's name is Delilah ('Da Liar').

@Yellowdove, wouldn't it be funny if you found out YOUR AUNT is the one who is lying or if you found out YOUR AUNT has the wrong person and you two gossip-Bettys have been confusing this woman with someone else? You have no idea how this situation could backfire on YOU! Something seems fishy about how you even connected that your aunt and this woman know each other! If this woman didn't tell you, which clearly she didn't, then what were YOU doing to find this out? Maybe you need to report yourself to HR because you don't have enough to do and you are too into someone else's business! Tell HR you need to be written up because you don't know how to tend to your own life! If your aunt is, in fact, working with this woman, then please go to the woman and tell her your aunt is running her mouth so she can fire your aunt PROMPTLY! There is nothing worse than someone who has diarrhea of the mouth, as your aunt has been shown to clearly have! Stop investing time in your coworker's personal life & start investing more time in analyzing why she matters so much to you!

@Yellowdove, wouldn't it be funny if you found out YOUR AUNT is the one who is lying or if you found out YOUR AUNT has the wrong person and you two gossip-Bettys have been confusing this woman with someone else? You have no idea how this situation could backfire on YOU! Something seems fishy about how you even connected that your aunt and this woman know each other! If this woman didn't tell you, which clearly she didn't, then what were YOU doing to find this out? Maybe you need to report yourself to HR because you don't have enough to do and you are too into someone else's business! Tell HR you need to be written up because you don't know how to tend to your own life! If your aunt is, in fact, working with this woman, then please go to the woman and tell her your aunt is running her mouth so she can fire your aunt PROMPTLY! There is nothing worse than someone who has diarrhea of the mouth, as your aunt has been shown to clearly have! Stop investing time in your coworker's personal life & start investing more time in analyzing why she matters so much to you!

Stalker. You do not know if she has children outside of the home or if she has an open, side, or poly style relationship.. And you have no right to dictate the parameters of her conversations at work. Let this woman do her job, and stop thinking like you have to police the office, Ninny Drew.

Some of the posts hereexcitedly throwing personal insults around like "Ninny Drew," "Stalker," writing in ALL CAPSseem a bit unhinged. I'm struck by the number of people who seem almost desperate to defend someone who lies constantly.

It's like the OP is supposed to be a cardboard cutup saint who never even peeks at someone's social media (er, if a social media user wants their social media to be private, why are they posting stuff publicly?) or even harbor suspicions about someone. Meanwhile, the lady in question is lying her arse off, and we're supposed to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'd love to start a AIBU where I told the Mumsnet public that horrid people at work are being mean to me just because I enjoy telling lies for no reason and got found out. I suspect the response would be pretty different.

OP, keep your distance from this person and do what you can to limit personal exposure, while making sure you keep an careful eye on her in a discreet manner and document the lies carefully (what she said, what the lie was, who was present at the time, oral/email etc.).

She will lie about something work related sooner or later.

I mean, I doubt she's the next Dorothea Puente or whatever, but she might be caught with her hand in the till at some point, or something similar. My own experience is that people who constantly lie about their personal lives will slip up at work sooner or later.

You're posting about ethical issues around your colleague and their job and lies. On paper there's no issue (see HR response).

Similarly, posters here are judging your aunt by the same stick you're judging your colleague and raising the ethical issues around her disclosing info about a client to her family member as gossip.

You can't have it both ways. Either it matters or it doesn't

@RealityTV well said

I have a massive regard for the truth, not least because I have a poor memory and it's hard enough to keep reality straight let alone a bunch of stories. I've also got a terrible habit of over-sharing and then wishing I'd said nothing. However, I'm pretty sympathetic to the work colleague in this scenario. She does not owe anyone the inside facts on her personal life except to the degree it directly impacts on them. She may not even regard what she says as lies, if that's what they are, but as a deliberate cover story, like an actor having a screen life but not talking about their real one. That said, some people have a very unlikely personal life that others may assume is not true but it jolly well is, you know. (Yes, I've been there too.)

No doubt the OP would know whether her aunt was a bit of a one for embellishing gossip. Some of my numerous aunts (whose existence was disbelieved at my school) as well as my father were terrible for that, no liars but they did love to run a story to its last vestige of accuracy just for effect - and they told it well! Plus, there's a limit to what a childminder would actually know.

I have a massive regard for the truth

😂

@user1477391263

I'm struck by the number of people who seem almost desperate to defend someone who lies constantly.

Haven’t read every single post but I really don’t think that is at all what people are doing.

The OP called for someone to be sacked and went to HR about it. That’s really quite serious, just stop and think about that for a minute and what it means in the real world. That is someone’s livelihood - their kids food, clothes, heating and maybe even their home. I’m not getting into what-aboutery if the liar has MH issues as it’s kinda irrelevant. What’s very clear from the OPs posts is she has over-stepped the mark with her aunt etc. not to mention the fact she states herself the liar is good at their job.

Therefore, for the millionth time, you can be annoyed at liars and think they are totally abhorrent but in this case there are no grounds for sacking her.

OP got a hard time because she claims this is all about trust and she’s some super user of sensitive data - yet went on to give examples of when she has breached both of those things herself and displayed poor knowledge of employment law - all whilst trying to have someone fired from their job.

Because it's disgusting to be so audacious and entitled. OP thinks* the coworker is lying, but her proof wouldnt hold up in a court of law, so why on earth does she get a pass to judge? Its all speculative. No one is defending a known liar, we are defending a women who has the right to 1, due process and 2, the benefit of the doubt... theres literally hundreds of reasons the OP could be possibly wrong about her speculations, not that it matters because coworker doesnt owe OP anything.. but because OP has some grand moral high ground, she thinks its okay to "karen cry" to her hr dpt. Even theyre telling her shes out of line as well

I expect the co worker got promoted over the OP and this is sour grapes...

I dont think OP has the guts to call out coworker because even she knows theres a chance shes wrong. All of this speculation could easily be done with if she brought the matter to coworkers attention, but she'd rather have strangers indulge her frustration and cosign her pettiness instead of handling it with big girl pants.

Why not just call her out? "You're boring as fuck, you're married to a man called Derek, you have a dull life and no one is convinced you are remotely interesting just because you make shit up like a lonely 12 year old

if I heard someone say this ludicrous comment I’d speak to their manager because I would consider them unable to work in a professional environment and in need of help

OP was asking for advice and it was given, so its not even close to being relevant.

And also I didn’t realise childminders where part of some kind of secret service. They are obviously bound by iron clad confidentiality agreements I wasn’t aware of

you are kidding me. You really think it's ok for childminders to gossip about their charges and their parents? This is why I don't like parent volunteers in schools because you just know they gossip at coffee mornings.

HR has said it's not an issue (yet). Leave it with them. No doubt people will be keeping a close eye if what you say is true. But it's nothing to do with you unless it has a direct effect on you.

For at least the the THIRD time I saw her leave my aunts house. That naturally led to us discussing it. Don’t pretend like any of you in the same situation wouldn’t have found it odd and talked about it

The appropriate response from your aunt when you said "my colleague was just here" should have been "oh is she a colleague of yours small world etc". That's all. No other information. She could have been collecting a child on behalf of someone else, for example. Your aunt did not need to embellish.

If I thought someone was a liar about their personal life, it might put me off being their friend, but I wouldn't seek to get them sacked from their job.

And childminders do have a duty under GDPR to keep information about children and their families secure and confidential. In the real world, occasional gossip is inevitable; but actively using it against someone in the workplace might well be seen as worse than the lying.

How's things been at work this last couple.of days OP? Have you asked the colpegaue about her DH yet?