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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should sack her?

519 replies

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:13

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

OP posts:
TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 13/09/2022 19:35

Should you be sacked for being a gossipy shit stirrer?

Original poster
Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:35

It doesn’t help that “HR” is one woman who’s this liar woman’s best friend. Frankly I don’t believe any decent HR department would shrug the level of fantasy she’s spouting as nonsense. If anything surely there is a level of care they should have for her mental health?!

OP posts:
FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 13/09/2022 19:36

I'd probably judge someone's character if I knew they were telling me petty lies, but it has no bearing on her ability to do her job, and there's nothing in what you've said to suggest there's any issue with her work.

On balance, I'd rather have someone who tells silly lies than a gossip.

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 19:37

I used to have a friend that hated small talk. Whenever she went to the hairdresser or places she needed to converse, shed make up a load of rubbish for a laugh! I suspect your this person doesn't like you too much OP, so just feeds you dribble :)

Msloverlover · 13/09/2022 19:37

Come on, this is really weird and would make me feel very uncomfortable. But also I get HR’s point of view as well. I mean I think you’d just have to laugh at it. Also, I feel like it would only be so long until she had to lie about work is she really is such a compulsive liar.

ThisisCollie2022 · 13/09/2022 19:38

Her time will come @Yellowdove . I worked with someone similar and she self destructed and left a horrendous trail of destruction at work.

Each lie got more and more severe and weird. In the end she started believing them and became very unfriendly and defensive

Your Aunt shouldn't be gossiping about her though, that's unfair to her and the children involved.

heartbroken22 · 13/09/2022 19:39

I don't know why it would concern you and why you would go check with your Aunt about it. If your aunt is her childminder would it not be a safeguarding issue you discussing her kids with her? You seem a little too invested. I'd rather just avoid the lady.

gamerchick · 13/09/2022 19:39

Man you're properly put to get her aren't you? Hopefully HR person will give her a heads up so she can swerve you. She's good at her job, stop trying to get her sacked ffs. I'll bet there's more than one of you as well. Hmm nasty

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 19:39

gobbynorthernbird · 13/09/2022 19:28

How do you know these things are not true? Have you any knowledge outside of what your aunt has told you?

Show quote history

This

Original poster
Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:40

Also it does grate on me when I am hearing her talk about the struggles of being married to a woman and the prejudices they have faced when I know she isn’t married to a woman at all! Or talking about how difficult twins are when she doesn’t have twins.

and as for the people saying she’s feeding me lies for a laugh - she tells the same lies to everyone on our team. It’s not just me.

OP posts:
Welshrarebitontoast · 13/09/2022 19:40

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:33

And also I didn’t realise childminders where part of some kind of secret service. They are obviously bound by iron clad confidentiality agreements I wasn’t aware of. 🙄

And yet here everyone is discussing the gossip generated by a childminder.

HR have basically said it’s not your business but you seem offended by that.

Perhaps she’s like my aunt, who was pregnant with twins, miscarried one, but will still refer to her son as one of twins. Who am I to judge if this is right or not?

Meem321 · 13/09/2022 19:41

dalisdrippingclock · 13/09/2022 19:19

The work issue here is your aunt, the Childminder, breaching confidentiality by disclosing things to you about her client.

This ⬆️

Natty13 · 13/09/2022 19:41

Have you considered that she is doing it to wind you up?

I often lie about basic details about my life because I've been stalked before and I will never again allow that to happen. If one of my colleagues decided that made "untrustworthy", "mentally unwell" etc i wouldn't care less. If that colleague decided to try to get me fired via HR (because we are also in a professional which requires peiple to have a great deal of trust in us) I would continue my self protection lies ~secretly enjoying winding them up~ and go down the grievance/harassment route.

RedDiamond · 13/09/2022 19:42

Has it never occurred to you that your colleague may be spinning a pack of lies just for you to call her out on it and then you drop your Aunt right in it?

Did she know your Aunt was related to you before she placed her child there?

Downbythebayy · 13/09/2022 19:42

I agree that it’s not a work issue but I would find it really weird too. I worked with a girl who told us all her dad sued the NHS for negligence as he lost a limb and when I met her dad, he had all his limbs! (One of many random lies)

pokeitwithastick13 · 13/09/2022 19:43

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:26

Ok so lies where in work she tells stories about her 4 year old twin daughters when she has one 4 years old son. Lying about being in a same sex marriage when she is married to a man. Not small lies. Not things that are easily explained away

She doesn’t want you to know her home life details, and you don’t have a right to know them. That’s not a sackable offence.

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 19:43

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:40

Also it does grate on me when I am hearing her talk about the struggles of being married to a woman and the prejudices they have faced when I know she isn’t married to a woman at all! Or talking about how difficult twins are when she doesn’t have twins.

and as for the people saying she’s feeding me lies for a laugh - she tells the same lies to everyone on our team. It’s not just me.

Have you met her husband personally and been introduced to him as such? Have you been to her house and stayed with her 24/7 to check there are no twins. Maybe she is separated for DH and now living with a woman who has twins.

I would hate to think there was someone so nosey as you, in my workplace. And don't get me started on your aunt. I hope this person realises soon that your aunt is gossiping about her, so she can get a new childminder!

giveovernate · 13/09/2022 19:44

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:18

Because it’s creepy. And because as I said we work in a role that requires a great deal of trust. It’s one of the capabilities we are assessed on in work. I’m worried if she’s such a liar how much damage she could cause if she wanted to

You're not, you just don't like her and it's clouding your judgement!

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 13/09/2022 19:45

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:40

Also it does grate on me when I am hearing her talk about the struggles of being married to a woman and the prejudices they have faced when I know she isn’t married to a woman at all! Or talking about how difficult twins are when she doesn’t have twins.

and as for the people saying she’s feeding me lies for a laugh - she tells the same lies to everyone on our team. It’s not just me.

And what does she say when you call her out on these lies? You’re so confident they’re lies why would you sit there and listen to it?

MiauzenKatzenjammer · 13/09/2022 19:45

She does not owe her colleagues the truth about her home life.

pokeitwithastick13 · 13/09/2022 19:46

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:35

It doesn’t help that “HR” is one woman who’s this liar woman’s best friend. Frankly I don’t believe any decent HR department would shrug the level of fantasy she’s spouting as nonsense. If anything surely there is a level of care they should have for her mental health?!

A good HR department would have a lot to say about you and your Aunt breaching GDPR by disclosing personal information.

Elfandshafty · 13/09/2022 19:46

Have you been sniffing glue OP?

giveovernate · 13/09/2022 19:46

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:35

It doesn’t help that “HR” is one woman who’s this liar woman’s best friend. Frankly I don’t believe any decent HR department would shrug the level of fantasy she’s spouting as nonsense. If anything surely there is a level of care they should have for her mental health?!

Oh what a massive drip feed! Are you sure she the only fantasist in the office?

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/09/2022 19:47

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:33

And also I didn’t realise childminders where part of some kind of secret service. They are obviously bound by iron clad confidentiality agreements I wasn’t aware of. 🙄

It’s called GDPR … surely you know that working in your super sensitive data handling job? Or are you as shite at your job as your aunt?

Iamnewhere · 13/09/2022 19:48

It is none of your business.
I once worked with someone who told horrific lies about her personal life (she was early 20s but still no excuse). This did impact her work, for example telling work her mum had breast cancer so she had a weeks paid leave, she faked fainting a few occasions and had time off work... turned out it was all lies. Even then HR had to follow strict protocol to show the issues were performance related and not because of the personal lies.