To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

Really isn’t.

I hope you’re ok @Yellowdove because your treatment on this thread has been horrendous.

I think it’s the pointlessness of the lies that makes it weird. I can see that a single person might make up a partner if they were very insecure & worried they looked weird or boring. But why bother changing a husband into a same-sex partner or son into twin daughters??!

Maybe she’s really shy & found herself caught up in a chain of misunderstandings like on some comedy…
’My partner is James’
’Your partner is Jane? Oh so you’ve got a wife. How interesting…. gush’
’😧’
’And do you have kids?’
’Sam’
’Pam?’
’Sam. Sammy’
’Pam & Sally? How lovely, how old are they?’
’4’
’Oh, they’re both 4, twin girls! That must be such hard work.’
’Um. Yes.’

But given we live in the real world, I wouldn’t trust her either. It would be best to casually say you saw her at your aunt’s, is she childminding for you? But be prepared for her to get defensive & possibly start telling lies about you. No one likes getting caught out.

Non of your business I used to lie at work when I was in a DV hostel

I’m amazed anyone thinks this lying is OK. With you on this, OP. Dishonesty is a dangerous fault, especially when working with vulnerable clients.

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague at work. Can't remember how it started but I mentioned a friend of mine, let's call her Sally Rogers. Conversation sort of went like this

Work colleague (WC) Oh I know Sally, my kids play with hers
Me - no, my friend is Sally Rogers, she doesn't have kids
WC - Yes, my kids have been over a few times
Me - my Sally lives off main road
WC - so does mine
Me - my Sally lives on Whiskey Street
WC - so does mine
Me - my Sally is married to Ben
WC - so is mine
Me way confused by this point - my Sally has horses
WC - I wouldn't know, we stay inside, but she's on acreage, so that's possible
Me - I'm pretty certain my Sally hasn't been hiding the kids every time I've been over for the last ten years, Flowers in the Attic style. I'm going to have to ask her...

Turns out they were two different people who lived two doors apart!

So OPs dissonance would be possible if she hadn't seen WC at aunts place.

She is probably doing a Wagatha on all her gossiping colleagues, telling them different stories to see who goes running to HR.

Looks like she’s found her Rebecca.

If she’s good at her job and doesn’t lie about her work then she shouldn’t be sacked.

I get it’s annoying though when you know the truth. I’d stay out of general conversations with her and keep everything work related.

I wonder why she feels the need to lie? I feel sad for her that she needs to do that.

Well, exactly. Yet 94% think you are being unreasonable to be concerned! The hive mind is a strange thing, a contrary, thing, just following the initial replies that reprimand you for being concerned. Trust is important, and a pattern of lying is indicative that someone is not worthy of one's trust. I don't care what her problem is, she should not be in a position of trust. YANBU.

Does she have a sister who you have mistaken for your colleague?

Or she’s a compulsive liar.

I'm with the OP, actually.

I know there's no technical or legal grounds to get rid of her. But if I had to work with her, I'd be discreetly finding ways to steer clear of her or keep her away from any work-related stuff that is highly important.

For the moment, I'd document all the lies privately. At some point, she'll probably lie about something that is work related.

Not sure sacking is required here but I would feel uncomfortable knowing that someone had lied like that to colleagues. Clearly something is not right

Compulsive lying is a trait often found in sociopaths and other personality disorders.

I doubt very much that she has a valid reason for wanting to tell white lies about a sensitive issue; in my experience, that type of lying presents quite differently to what the OP is talking about.

LOLing at all the armchair warriors on here INSISTING that they are 100% totally fine with working with someone who is a compulsive liar, and that actually the OP is the wicked one for having the temerity to be concerned about it.

www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-lying

Oh give over. The number of children you have isn't a confidential piece of information that a childminder is expected to keep.

This!

I worked in a very toxic environment in which gossip was rife and definitely had my fun with the silly gossip mill before I left.

What a busybody you are.

It’s not about not caring.

Honestly, I would care enough to gossip with my Aunt. Which op has because she gave the 2 things as examples. The conversation was clearly longer than op admits, if she knows of further lies.

I wouldn’t care enough to them look her up on social media. I would care enough to go to her best friend in HR and ask her to sack someone. I wouldn’t even do that, if they were doing something at work. I would give HR the information, but it wouldn’t up to me to tell HR they should sack her.

I am also have enough experience to know, HR couldn’t sack her over this if she wanted. It doesn’t matter how many people came here and said ‘I know a liar like this and eventually they weee sacked for work related lying’. Because until this woman actually does something at work, she can’t be sacked. She can’t be sacked because some posters on MN knew some Liars who also ended up getting sack.

and you are also missing a huge detail/ this woman’s best friend works in HR. I think it’s highly unlikely that someone, even the worst Liars, I like be telling people they were married to a woman when their best friend works with them and knows they are married to a man.

Which is why I think there’s something else going on and Op doesn’t have the information. Because she isn’t entitled to it.

Our sensitive data is being looked after by people like you though.

^ This

She isn’t doing herself any favours is she?

Surely all roles require a high level of trust. Who wants employees that they can’t trust. It isn’t effecting her work, stop your campaign.

This thread is bizarre.

How many of the people criticising the OP believe that calling Boris Johnson out for lying is unfair? Nobody?

The woman is a compulsive liar. That means that nothing she says can be believed.

Also, while lying about the number of children she has could be seen as some kind of fantacy, I wonder how anyone on here would feel if they found out that their mother had told people she had children of the other sex rather than that she’d had you. Disappointed? Rejected? As if they were a disappointment to their mother?

As for claiming that she’s in a same sex relationship and claiming victim status and being discriminated against, that is incredibly offensive and makes a mockery of people who really are victimised because of their sexuality.

I can imagine the responses if a poster said “i have found out that my DH has been telling his colleagues he is in a same sex relationship, and that we have twin girls rather than my ds,” not one single person on here would say “it’s just silly harmless stuff, his colleagues are in the wrong for making an issue of this.”

AAnd I know people who have been friends with people in HR. And they have always benefited from it in terms of e.g. being given more allowance for things others would never get away with.

While I don’t think they can sack her, if I were her line manager it would certainly make me think twice about what kind of work I was giving her, and to that end I would have to speak to HR because I do think that being a compulsive liar makes you a risk to people who are vulnerable.

Oh give over.

some people lie, best ignored.

what is your job where trust and integrity is so important but you have just one person in HR, the same one person who you’ve approached with regard to her lying, and it’s her best friend?

Seriously 😀

@GhostFromTheOtherSide

But Bojo lied about something work related and was illegal at the time.