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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think they should sack her?

519 replies

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:13

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

OP posts:
StanleyStanleyStanley · 14/09/2022 08:10

The reason OP is getting pulled up is because she found out gossip about another colleagues personal life and took it to HR with the aim to get her sacked. OP has also been disingenuous now with the ‘worried it about it being MH’ which had nothing to do with it before.

I’d also suggest OP is prone to exaggeration too - best friends with HR woman who she has only worked with for a few months and really good friends with aunt/childminder. I find it baffling that OP is saying she is a compulsive liar but has these really close friends who know the ‘real’ truth.

Aubriella · 14/09/2022 08:11

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:33

And also I didn’t realise childminders where part of some kind of secret service. They are obviously bound by iron clad confidentiality agreements I wasn’t aware of. 🙄

The irony of you invading this woman’s (a colleague of a mere few months) privacy by interrogating her chikdminder and stalking her Facebook, and then having the cheek to be faux concerned about your clients privacy 😂

Fireflygal · 14/09/2022 08:11

@Yellowdove, Your aunt should not be discussing details of children she looks after. If they have become friends she needs to still be aware she has to thread a careful line.

I think it's very weird you went to HR without first saying something to your colleague. HR were 100% correct - and I hope they see you as odd as a result.

You have no idea what is going on in her life. What do you think she gains for lying about her life?

giveovernate · 14/09/2022 08:11

StanleyStanleyStanley · 14/09/2022 08:10

The reason OP is getting pulled up is because she found out gossip about another colleagues personal life and took it to HR with the aim to get her sacked. OP has also been disingenuous now with the ‘worried it about it being MH’ which had nothing to do with it before.

I’d also suggest OP is prone to exaggeration too - best friends with HR woman who she has only worked with for a few months and really good friends with aunt/childminder. I find it baffling that OP is saying she is a compulsive liar but has these really close friends who know the ‘real’ truth.

Exactly it's not should she be investigated, it's they should sack her.

I didn't realise we still had diplock courts.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2022 08:15

On reflection OP I think you are right to be concerned.

A number of years ago we had a fraudster in my place of work who deflected his activities with tales of non existent family members and illness.

A couple of colleagues had suspicions of his tales but did not speak up. If they had he would have been caught sooner.

If HR are not listening then consult your whistle blowing policy to see what other routes you have for reporting. You will also be protected by law under the whistle blowing policy as long as your concerns are genuine and not malicious.

Draughtycatflapreturns · 14/09/2022 08:21

Perhaps she’s feeding you these tall stories because she knows you are a nosey old bag and the rest of the office are having a larf at your expense?

Quveas · 14/09/2022 08:21

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:21

How can someone be trusted to handle valuable sensitive data if they wouldn’t know the truth if it hit them on the arse?

You mean like your aunt telling you private work related stuff? You are correct. Your aunt should be dismissed.

Stripedbag101 · 14/09/2022 08:29

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2022 08:15

On reflection OP I think you are right to be concerned.

A number of years ago we had a fraudster in my place of work who deflected his activities with tales of non existent family members and illness.

A couple of colleagues had suspicions of his tales but did not speak up. If they had he would have been caught sooner.

If HR are not listening then consult your whistle blowing policy to see what other routes you have for reporting. You will also be protected by law under the whistle blowing policy as long as your concerns are genuine and not malicious.

Thisnis bonkers. Do you know what whistleblowing is? It is to reporting wrong doing - this would not raise to the threshold of whistleblowing.

there was something seriously flawed in your workplace is personals stories can distract from fraud. There should be safeguards in place - checks and balances.

claiming you have triplets would not cover up fraud!!

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 14/09/2022 08:33

Stop being such a busy body. I’m sure there’s something in your contract about minding your business and being discreet about other people’s privacy. On that note, your aunt shouldn’t be spreading gossip. My specialist nurse was talking about other patients yesterday (quite identifiable details) and, let me tell you, that made me feel very uncomfortable because no doubt she’ll be doing it about me too at some point.

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 08:35

Op will end up with a bullying or harassment accusation if she even tried to use whistle blowing. It wouldn’t come under whistleblowing, but it could massively back fire.

She would also need to give some back ground, on how she knows what she knows. Which doesn’t paint her in a positive light.

gamerchick · 14/09/2022 08:39

Op will end up with a bullying or harassment accusation

Can only hope. Some people like the OP need reining in sometimes.

Doingprettywellthanks · 14/09/2022 08:42

This reply has been deleted

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fUNNYfACE36 · 14/09/2022 08:52

Maybe your aunt has rhe wrong person, or is the obe giving duff gen.Maybe your colleague just doesn't want you knowing you knowing about her home life

madasawethen · 14/09/2022 08:58

You seem jealous of the new colleague.
With all the gossiping and snooping you do, I'm not sure how you could be doing your own job properly.

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 09:00

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 14/09/2022 07:20

does it only matter if someone is a liar if it affects you personally then?

To that end, are people who report trolls on here wrong because someone else’s fantacy about their fictional relationship or fictional children doesn’t affect other posters personally?

And that is just it, this person has fictional children and a fictional relationship based on her fictional or perhaps fantasised sexuality.

Obviously you can’t be sacked for being a compulsive liar but you certainly can’t be trusted either. Who the hell would want to be friends with someone who lied to that degree. What lies will she have told her friends I wonder. Because this won’t be all she has lied about.

I know of someone who has lied about his mother’s death. Has then gone on to lie about an inheritance he didn’t get. It hasn’t actually affected the person he originally lied to, but then it’s come out that his whole life has been a lie. He’s had jobs he didn’t, has about 5 women on the go, has lied to them all about his grief to extort money from them. And yet on the face of it to the outsider he lied about his mother’s death which to all intents and purposes is nobody’s business unless it affects them personally.

We judge people based on their actions.

If you’re a compulsive liar then people are going to find out. And if someone finds out that you’re a compulsive liar then if they tell others you have only yourself to blame.

Show quote history

The people who was extorted for their grief and money WAS directly impacted. So it proves no point at all. If the person at work knew they were extorting people then they are directly impacted as their are aware fraud is happening. Someone committing fraud outside work, does impact inside work. These colleagues lies so not.

The Ops can only be impacted if this woman’s work is bad, if she is lying in a professional capacity or lying to con the op out of something. Non of this is happening.

No, I don’t believe anyone who lies automatically becomes everyone else’s business. There’s varying levels of lying . By your stance, someone who tells someone their outfit looks nice when that’s not their opinion, then shouldn’t be allowed any interaction with anyone or a job.

of course if you regularly lie then get grandad a liar, the fault is out your door. But that isn’t what we are talking about my Op clearly states she is good at her job and non of this is impacting professionally. If that changes then I am sure peoples opinion would change.

But ops bizarre behaviour, also shows someone who isn’t to be trusted either. And someone who doesn’t understand how employment works. Who believes they can tell HR to sack someone?

Namedifferentorquestion · 14/09/2022 09:13

@Yellowdove do you usually become so obsessed with the life of another woman so that you check out her every comment to see if it's true. It sounds like you are stalking her. Are you a bully too, attempting to get her sacked and yet her work is fine and she doesn't lie about it.

Give YOURSELF a reality check and concentrate ON YOUR OWN LIFE

BobbysGirly · 14/09/2022 09:16

All we have to go on is OP is adamant that her colleague (that she has only known for a few months) is lying because she says she has twin girls and is in a same sex relationship, while OP’s auntie says not.

How do you, or your auntie, know for sure that your colleague doesn’t have twins that are being brought up by a family member or the care system? Having only known your colleague for a very short time you do not know her personal circumstances. Neither does your auntie.

As others have said if you really think it is your business why haven’t you called your colleague out on her claims?

BringItBackBruno · 14/09/2022 09:20

I think you're getting a very hard time here OP and I'd be concerned too. I'd start gently calling her out on it to see her reaction.

milkyaqua · 14/09/2022 09:23

Namedifferentorquestion · 14/09/2022 09:13

@Yellowdove do you usually become so obsessed with the life of another woman so that you check out her every comment to see if it's true. It sounds like you are stalking her. Are you a bully too, attempting to get her sacked and yet her work is fine and she doesn't lie about it.

Give YOURSELF a reality check and concentrate ON YOUR OWN LIFE

Give YOURSELF a reality check and concentrate ON YOUR OWN LIFE

Advice not followed by yourself...

QuizzlyBear · 14/09/2022 09:28

I think you're getting a hard time on here OP. Of course she shouldn't be sacked for being a bit of a fantasist at work, but I'd also be concerned that it pointed towards more complex mental health issues.

As for your aunt 'breaching confidentiality' - she's a childminder, not her gynaecologist! Mentioning how many kids a mutual acquaintance has, or the fact that they're married doesn't fall within any reasonable level of 'confidentiality'. 😂

If I were you, I'd casually mention the fact that you have a mutual acquaintance (your aunt) next time she starts talking about things you know to be untrue, and if she persists in saying them, simply say 'oh, I thought 'aunt' said your partner's name was Geoff'? puzzled look

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 14/09/2022 09:34

You really have an issue with this person. They have no legal grounds to sack her and if you continue down this route in work you may find yourself in trouble with HR

Backtobacknow · 14/09/2022 09:35

BringItBackBruno · 14/09/2022 09:20

I think you're getting a very hard time here OP and I'd be concerned too. I'd start gently calling her out on it to see her reaction.

So............

OP has already been to HR, who are nit concerned, so you think she should start her own investigation and "gently call her out".

I think she should mind her own business and let HR do their job, of course OP is intimating that as "they are best friends", that their is also a conspiracy between them going on.

I can see OP getting into trouble is she continues and starts "gently calling her out".

WingingItSince1973 · 14/09/2022 09:47

Wow so many bullies on this thread. I agree op that lying to that extent where she talks about the problems her and her wife encounter being same sex relationship is going too far. Makes a mockery of those who are actually in this situation. I wouldn't go as far as wanting her sacked but I would be very wary of her. If she wanted to keep her personal life a secret there's no need to goto that length. Hope you are ok op.

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 09:49

I think you're getting a hard time on here OP. Of course she shouldn't be sacked for being a bit of a fantasist at work, but I'd also be concerned that it pointed towards more complex mental health issues.

but that’s exactly why she is getting a hard time.

Op didn’t mention potential health issues until much later. Op went to HR to say ‘You need to sack her because my aunt said Xyz’

It doesn’t matter what this woman has done, she would be sacked because op told Hr they should. Who really goes to HR and tells them they need to sack someone? If you think there’s a problem you take your concerns to HR, you don’t get to pick the outcome

If op was concerned about her mental health, why would she jump straight to ‘I want her sacked’ ?

Rosscameasdoody · 14/09/2022 11:03

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/09/2022 08:15

On reflection OP I think you are right to be concerned.

A number of years ago we had a fraudster in my place of work who deflected his activities with tales of non existent family members and illness.

A couple of colleagues had suspicions of his tales but did not speak up. If they had he would have been caught sooner.

If HR are not listening then consult your whistle blowing policy to see what other routes you have for reporting. You will also be protected by law under the whistle blowing policy as long as your concerns are genuine and not malicious.

The whistle blowing policy will only apply to concerns about work matters, and the OP has no suspicion that the colleague is doing anything wrong. So what would be the point? The employer has no grounds on which to act.